Codename: Kokosei
by Firefly Rebirth
Summary: Kairi’s joined the fight against the Darkness. Under the guise of a Japanese high school student, she seems to be the only one who knows what’s going on. Why can’t Sora remember her? And does she really know the truth?
1. Departure

*

            _You…  Not you…_

_            I don't want to fight.  I don't want to fight you!  I can't…_

_            Shouldn't we be fighting together?  Shouldn't we be fighting a common enemy?  _

_            Unless…_

_            Could it be true?  Are you, too, fighting against yourself?_

_            Then I will.  I will stand up and fight.  Together, we will conquer the evil within you!_

_            Why, you ask?_

_            Because…I want you back._

*

            I don't know what it was that got into me.  That day started off as unassuming as any other.  There wasn't anything unusual in the sky; it was the same brilliant blue as it always was, with a few clouds, puffy and white.  The beach seemed itself, too; it was long and white and warm, as usual.  Even the air lacked a special feel to it.  No, there were no external influences pushing me to the Secret Place that day.  It was something on the inside.

            My heart?

            My heart had been very precious to me ever since Sora carried it with him during the first part of his journey.  Even though my body had lost all signs of life, I was able to survive under his care.  He protected my heart and, later, at great risk to himself, restored it to its home.

            From the time on, I have taken my heart more seriously; it is not mine alone anymore.  My heart is connected to his.  We are one, Sora and I.  Are hearts are connected.

            So I listened to my heart, if that was indeed what guided me that fateful day.

            And on that day not too far out of the ordinary, I did not perform my ordinary routine.  I did not rendezvous with my friends for breakfast.  In fact, I skipped breakfast altogether and headed straight to the cave after throwing some clothes on.  Had I a mother—or anyone at all to look after me—I might have been forced to be more responsible.  But I had no mother, and I looked after myself.

             That day was a little after the one year anniversary of the Islands' restoration.  No one else had any recollection of our home's destruction and rebirth, though.  I suppose it was their good fortune; sometimes I had memories of our world shattering and being pulled, piece by piece, into the vacuum of darkness…

            I tried not to remember.

            On the anniversary, I had half anticipated something special would happen.  It was even a dark and stormy day.  I thought Fate, Destiny, God—whatever—would step up to the plate and show me some sort of sign that my friends' battle was going well.  Or going at all, even…

            Sora…  Riku…  Where were they?  Were they together, or as separated from each other as I was from them?  Were Donald and Goofy around?  Was that Ansem guy really gone for good?

            Questions…  So many questions!

            And not one answer in the bunch.

            Still…I never gave up the hope that all of us would someday be reunited.  Not for one day in that entire year.  After all, what would I be without my hope?  Most likely, I would have ended up a huddling mass of broken humanity, or something as pitiful as that.  I had to keep confidence alive.  If Sora were connected to me strongly at all, I did not want him to know my hope had wavered, even for an instant.

            I put myself in charge of Sora's support squad.

            Even then I was a cheerleader, always on the sidelines…

            No thoughts like that.  My hope was a flickering candle inside my heart.  I had to protect it or…or everything might crumble.  _Never give up hope, Kairi.  Never give up hope._  I'm ashamed to admit it, but there were times when I had to repeat that to myself.  Times when I couldn't sense Sora so strongly.  Times I began to worry—_began_ to worry, let me emphasize.  I never gave up hope, did I?  No, I didn't.  Not once during that year.  It was only later that the cold wind blew into my candle's chamber…

            Alas, I'm ahead of myself.  Far, far ahead.

            There was that ordinary day when I went to the Secret Place.  It was fairly dark there, since the sun was busy lighting the other side of the island.  I should have brought a lantern with me, but I guess a fifteen-year-old kid is not so great at planning ahead when she gets a message directly from her heart.

            Suddenly…there was light.

            It was a white light, somewhat muted, coming from the back of the cave.  I realized it was emerging from a small door that had materialized out of the stone.  I dug my feet into the sand and looked all around me.  I couldn't see anyone else.  I clenched my right hand into a tight fist and let the nails dig into the skin.  It hurt.  All right, I wasn't dreaming. 

            Good.

            My heart beat fast.  A glowing white door was surely a clear sign of _something_.  Fate, Destiny, and perhaps even God had all gathered here to deliver me into my role.  Hadn't they?  Hadn't they?  I was sure.  And I was ready, too.

            Would I see Sora?

            This thought sent me running.  Before my thoughts had an opportunity to collect themselves, my feet were stumbling and my hands were headed for a crash landing with the door.

            The thing is, though, I never touched anything.

            I fell right through.

*

           I think the door wasn't really a door at all.  I think it was just a chunk of my world that had been removed—temporarily, I hope—in order to facilitate things.  The door I saw was truly a gateway into another dimension, one into which I fell and in which I continued to fall.

            Everything around me was a blinding white.  I had to close my eyes tight to avoid premature blindness.

            I thought there must have been some sort of cosmic mistake.  Where was Sora, grinning with his arms open, ready to hold me?  Where was Riku, armed with his classic smirk and some snide comment about how long it took me to find them?

            Where were my friends?

            "Is this…some kind…of…sick…joke…?" I managed to wheeze out.  It was only when I opened my mouth that I realized the air was more than thin in that place.  I could hardly breathe, and speaking turned out to be an exhausting endeavor.

_The one who should open the Door is in trouble…_

            What was that?  Had my sanity left me?  I was hearing voices—well, _a_ voice.  It was loud and booming, echoing inside my head.  I managed to pull my hands up to grip at my temples.

            "What?" I tried asking.  It was hard to make sense out of anything, as I kept right on falling.  My body kept twisting and spinning and I soon lost recognition of horizontal from vertical.  On top of everything, the lack of oxygen getting to my brain was sending me into a dreamlike state.

_You will assist him in his quest…_

            _The one who will—wait, you mean Sora!_  I had given up trying to talk; it was a terrible waste of air.  If I could hear his (her?) thoughts, then surely the otherworldly being could tap into mine.  _You want _me_…to help him…?_

_I will bestow upon you a new identity…_

            Wait.  What, exactly, was wrong with the one I had already?

_You will still be aware of your true self…_

            Well, that was the very least he could do for me.

_But do not reveal the truth to anyone…_

            Why couldn't I?

_For the truth can be a dangerous thing…_

            My eyelids involuntarily snapped open.  The piercing white light burned, and I wanted desperately to cry out.  I would have, to, but there was barely enough air in my lungs to remain conscious.  My relief came a split second later, when everything around me went the color of a moonless midnight.

            Black.

*

            The first difference I noticed about the new world was the smell.  I cannot, however, accurately describe the scents to you now.  For the smells, along with the sights and everything else, I became quickly accustomed to and no longer would take any special notice of.

            Human beings have such a remarkable capacity for adaptation.

            I remember coming awake slowly, my nose hard at work, and the precise moment my eyes met a world of dark gray.  That frightened me.  I worried I really had gone blind and sat up so fast with panic that I threw my heavy coverings from me and was soon bathed in the morning's light.  Relief washed over me, along with the sun's rays flittering through the paper wall.

            Wait…  Paper?  Was that wall really made of crisscrossing wood and _paper_?

            I left my warm _futon_ to investigate.  My bare feet trotted on the mats that covered the floor.  _Tatami_ mats, I knew—wait, how _did_ I know that?  Come to think of it, how did I know that my bed, which consisted of a flat mattress and thick comforter and that sat on the floor, was called a _futon_?  I had never heard these words before in my life.

            Hadn't I…?

            I clutched the side of my head.  I was the same Kairi.  The same shoulder-length red hair shined down to about my shoulders.  I was still short and thin as bamboo—but what was bamboo?  Anyway, my hands and feet were the same.

            All right, so I didn't look any different.  I didn't feel too different, either, except perhaps a little hungry.  I had been a fool to skip breakfast, after all.

            I went to the paper wall I was originally after.  With a little investigation, I found that it slid over quite nicely.  I manipulated the panels until they showed me a pane of glass.  Beyond this was a dipping valley and _mountains_!

            I stumbled back at the sight of them.  I was absolutely sure I had never seen mountains outside of books.  Absolutely.  One hundred percent.  Completely, utterly, and totally certain I had never seen a mountain in my life.  Yet, here I was, situated in a place surrounded by beautiful, tree-covered peaks…

            "Kairi!"

            I immediately jerked my head over.  It was only later that I realized it was not only my name that drew my attention, but also the sound of my mother's commanding voice.  But…mother?  I had never had a mother.  I had never had any parents or family in the least.

            Looking at that slightly annoyed brown-haired and blue-eyed woman, as she stood in the open doorway, recognition flashed inside my mind.  Mother…?  Yes…this woman, attempting to look as imposing as possible at just over one hundred and fifty centimeters, was my beloved mother, who had raised me on her own since my father abandoned us years and years ago.

            "Did you just get out of bed?" she asked me, gesturing angrily at a small black box on the floor beside the futon.  I went and picked it up.  It told me that it was nine o'clock in the morning.  I could read it, although I'd never seen such a contraption before.

            "Yes, Mother," I admitted.

            She surprised me when her solid expression cracked into a smile.  "Eh?  What's with the formalities?"

            "Hmm?" I tried helplessly.

            "Well, _daughter_, you had better hurry up and get dressed and pack your things, since you claimed you were too tired for such chores last night.  Your grandparents have been waiting for a while now to eat breakfast, and you know I have to be on that ten-thirty train or I'll be late for work."

            And somehow I knew that she had only managed to get half a day off at work, whatever that meant. She and I had traveled here, to my grandparents' house, on Saturday night, and had to be back home this afternoon, which was Monday afternoon.

            "Hurry up, Kairi-chan," my mother called over her shoulder as she left me to pack and dress.  I thought I heard her mutter, "And she told me she was going to wake up _early_ this morning…"

            I slid the door shut when she was gone and found a small sack with some clean clothes in it.  The clothes were presumably mine since they fit just right.  I pulled them on:  a pair of white shorts, a short-sleeved purple shirt with a delicate white rose printed on the front—wait, rose?  Even the simple representation of a rose was beautiful.  I wondered what a real one was like.  Did it have a sweet smell?

            I gathered up my belongings that were scattered about.  There was the alarm clock, which I had apparently forgotten to set (whatever that meant, exactly); my pajamas, which I had been wearing upon waking up; dirty clothes that I must have used over the weekend; a worn teddy bear, which conjured up a warm feeling…  There were also a few magazines scattered about, featuring beautiful young people.

            I picked up one that seemed to be about music, and flipped through the pages.  I stopped at a picture of a woman with shoulder-length black hair sitting on a couch in the middle of an empty room.  Her dark eyes especially were very striking.  "Utada Hikaru," I read aloud.  "_Hikari_…"  Apparently it was the name of her latest single.  The ad made her appear very beautiful…  I found myself wanting to buy the CD—that was if I didn't own it already.

            In the silence, I could hear people's muffled voices nearby.  I realized I had become distracted and shoved the magazines and books in with the rest of my things.  Then I scurried out into the hall, dove into my slippers, and trotted to breakfast.  There was an elderly couple seated at a low table in the next room.  I bowed deeply to them without thinking; it was instinct.  They nodded to me.

            "Sit down, dear," my grandmother said, deep wrinkles emerging around her mouth and eyes as she spoke.

            I kept my face down and humbly took my seat.  My mother was next to me.  I looked up to see all the delicious food laid out for us, and was astounded.  So much food!  It was a bigger meal than I had ever seen—and it was _breakfast_.  There were many dishes; rice, eggs, meat…

            "Let's eat!" we chanted together.

            The food turned out to be more delicious than it looked.

*

            I was sad to bid farewell to my grandparents, who were very sweet people.  "Eat, eat!  You look like you could fall over any minute you're so pale!" my grandmother had chided me with over and over again as we ate.  I had just laughed, and followed her directions quite happily, indulging myself in the flavors, each of which produced a mixed sensation of novelty and familiarity inside my mouth.

            Grandfather walked Mom and me to the train station.  He even carried my bag.  Grandmother stayed behind, giving me a final embrace at the front door.  She said it was because she had so many dishes to take care of; Grandfather said later that she was getting arthritis in one knee and couldn't walk very far, and even for short distances she had a bit of a limp.

            I believed it was nothing to be ashamed of, that it was just a part of growing older, but apparently my grandmother thought differently.  The two adults with me talked to each other as we made our way down the narrow, winding streets lined with stone walls.  A car would pass, or perhaps a family laden with shopping bags.  We would stop and bow our heads to them, and my grandfather would exchange a good word with each bunch.  To one he could only say, "My, your dog is looking very healthy today!"  I had to stifle a giggle; I knew somehow that Grandfather wasn't particularly fond of the man _or_ his dog.  They both had nasty tempers.

            I waved my last goodbye to my grandfather out the train window.  The train car jolted to a start.  The scenery began to rush by faster and faster.  I sat up on my knees and watched, intrigued.  My mother glanced up from her newspaper once or twice, shook her head, and returned to reading.  I suppose I looked like a fool with my face practically pressed against the glass.  Yet, our compartment was mostly vacant, so I suppose I spared Mom any true humility.

            I couldn't help being intrigued.  Everything was just so _new_.  From the rooftops to the trees to the mountains…  I should have been frightened to travel at such speeds inside a big metal box, but I was surprisingly calm throughout the trip.  Even when the train squeaked during the sharp turns, I did not worry too much.  I was quite proud of myself.

            Eventually, my knees became sore.  I turned around and sat the correct way next to my mother.  She was squinting intently at the fine print of some article, and making a _tsk_ sound with her tongue.  I chose to dig around in my bag for a while.  I found the same music magazine I had been looking at before and started reading.  The remainder of the trip passed quickly this way.

            When we left the train station in our hometown, which was a suburb of Japan's capital, Tokyo, my mother asked me some questions I wasn't sure how to answer.

            "How do you like it here, Kairi-chan?  Are you excited about starting at your new school?"

            I just nodded meekly.  I had never heard of Japan before a second ago, when I 'remembered' that's where we were.  Any city on this new world be as strange as another, so I didn't see why it mattered.  I dug through my brain, trying to find some new memories that would be helpful.

            Wait.  All right.  We used to live in Sapporo, which was the capital of the northernmost island in Japan, Hokkaido.  I had graduated from junior high school there and then we moved down here to be closer to grandmother and grandfather.  Now it was the end of spring break and the new semester would be starting soon.

            "You studied so hard to get into your new high school," Mom was saying.  "I'm really proud of you."

            Hearing her sincere words of praise, I could not help but blush.  _So is this what it's like to have a mother?  It's…wonderful…_

            We walked for a while, around two kilometers, following the twisting streets.  I followed my mother closely since I had no idea which way to go.  Even she had to stop and turn around a couple times.  "This neighborhood…I'm still not quite used to it," she admitted, looking embarrassed.

            We finally arrived at a tall apartment building (it looked to be around ten stories).  Our apartment was on the seventh floor.  All those cement steps were a grueling challenge.  I was very glad when my mother turned the brass key into the lock and we stepped inside the modest room.  I shuffled out of my shoes and went for the far corner, which had a desk and small table.  The area was decorated with a few posters.  I realized it was my 'room'.

            My mother dropped her things on her way to the bathroom.  She emerged with freshly combed hair and a business jacket over her white-collared shirt.  "I have to hurry to work," she told me as she went about replacing her shoes.  She picked something up from the top of the empty shoe cabinet and threw it at me.  I caught the object, which turned out to be another key.

            "That's yours now, so take care of it.  I left some money on the kitchen counter, so you can go buy something for lunch at the _konbini_," she said.  "I'm off work at six, so you can do me a favor and start the rice around then."

            "Okay, I will.  See you later, Mom."

            "I'm leaving now!" she called, shutting the door behind her.

            I was left alone.

***

_Konnichi wa, minna-san!  Ogenki desu ka?_  I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the beginning on my latest story.  I'm really pumped about it, because I get to incorporate some experiences from my trip to Japan, as well as the knowledge I'm collected from my years-long interest in the country (more than five years now…I'm totally nuts).  I have been studying Japan for a long time, but I still can't guarantee everything will be 100% accurate, although I am also doing supplemental research online to get my story as correct as possible.  I am not Japanese (as much as I might wish to be), so forgive me any errors I may make with this and feel free to point them out.  

I'm thinking it would be kind of cool to teach everyone a few things about Japan every chapter, so here's my first lesson (I'm excited!):  The room where Kairi woke up is actually based on the room where I stayed at my host family's home.  Japanese houses today are, for the most part, Western style, but usually have a _washitsu_, or Japanese-style room, with _tatami_ mat floors and _shoji_ (the walls with the wooden frame with translucent paper applied to one side).  There is also the_ tokonoma_, or decorative alcove, where there is some sort of display with a scroll on the wall and some pottery, a flower arrangement, etcetera on the raised floor.  Staying in that room was a wonderful experience.  When I went in and they told me that's where I would stay, all I could say was, "It's very beautiful," and it truly was.  I should put up pictures for you guys to see…

A few last notes.  I'm going to try to use metric measurements as opposed to standard (why it's called standard, I don't know; only a few countries mess their kids up by making them think in feet and inches…)  In this chapter, I described Kairi's mother's height as "about one hundred fifty centimeters," which is somewhere around five feet.  Two kilometers is between a mile/a mile and a half.  Oh, and I got to use one of my favorite words here near the end: _konbini_.  It means 'convenience store.'  Isn't that just so _kawaii_??  Oh, yes, and _kokosei_ means high school student.  ^_^


	2. Initiation

*

_            This isn't right…_

_            It doesn't feel right to me._

_            Am I too weak for this?  Should I just give up?_

_            Maybe…_

_            What?  I shouldn't?_

_            You…don't want me to?_

_            Okay.  I will keep trying, then._

_            Maybe just a little longer…_

*

            The high school entrance ceremony edged continuously closer.  I was nervous for several reasons.  For one thing, I had been in Japan, an entirely different world, for less than one week.  For another, I had never been to school in my life.  I had studied on my own out of books, and then only when it was raining and I couldn't go enjoy the beach with my friends.  I had barely had any kind of organized lesson in all fifteen years of my life and was suddenly regretting that fact very much.

            Would I fail school—whatever the heck _that _meant?

            Failing school…it sure didn't sound like a good thing to go about doing.  I finally summoned the courage to share my fears with my mother, and, when I did, she took my hand inside her own warm palms and said, "You are _not_ going to fail.  I bet you'll be at the top of the class, just like in junior high!"

            I know she was trying to comfort me, but the butterflies in my stomach multiplied ten fold upon hearing this declaration.  Did she say _top of the class_?  Somehow, I knew responsibility would come with such a distinction.  It wasn't that I minded responsibility, but I had no idea what a Japanese school was even like!  I had no idea what _any_ school was like…  How could I possibly take a leadership position?

            As the days raced by, I began to dread school more and more…

            I was surprised when Mom took me on the train to a department store in Tokyo that Saturday afternoon.  We walked past rows and rows of very similar clothing.  My eyes drifted over the sea of navy and black pleated skirts and blazers, but my mother kept walking, occasionally checking a slip of paper.

            We finally stopped at a clothing rack near the back of the store.  My mother ventured down it and picked up one of the identical skirts, holding it up to my waist.

            "Is that your size?" she murmured to herself.

            "What is this, Mom?" I wondered, staring down at the skirt.

            She eyed me strangely.  "Your _uniform_…?"

            My mind was instantly filled with images of girls dressed in identical jumpers, jackets, or sailor outfits.  Yes, all junior high and high school students wore uniforms…  And this would be mine starting Monday.

            "Oh, oh," Mom said.  "I get it.  This one's way too big.  I misread the label.  I forgot your body stretched out when you got taller," she was really mumbling to herself, not even making eye contact with me.  She replaced the skirt on the rack and headed back down the row in search of a smaller one.

            I went along with her quietly, letting her hold up various articles of clothing over me.  She shooed me into the changing room when all this was done, and I came out for her inspection when I had achieved the best fit.

            My mother clasped her hands together over her chest, and her eyes sparkled with admiration.  "You look so good in it, honey.  It really suits you."

            She pulled me to the mirror and I had a chance to look at myself.  Apparently, the girls at my school would all be wearing the same pleated skirt that ended at the knee and was so dark of an orange it was practically red.  It reminded me of sunsets on Destiny Islands, it truly did.  The top part of the uniform consisted of an open black blazer (it didn't even have buttons), and a white dress shirt worn underneath.  From below the collar dangled a pair of long ribbons, the same vibrant red-orange of my skirt.  I knew (somehow) that I would also wear white socks and shiny black shoes issued by the school.

            My mother hugged me tightly.  She told me again she was proud of me.  I changed back into my regular clothes (jeans and a white t-shirt that had the _kanji_, or Chinese character, for "friendship" on the back.)  I was surprised at the expense of the uniform, but my mother removed the thousands of yen from her purse and handed it over to the store clerk without altering her expression.  I knew that we didn't have much money at all, and promised myself I would take special care of the uniform.

            After picking up a black briefcase that would be my school bag, Mom treated us to green tea at the café on the bottom floor of the department store and then we headed back to the station.  My mother had another surprise.  We got off two stops too early.  I followed her without a question, and then realized where we were.

            My school.

            It was twilight then, so the building looked much more surreal to me than it would later.  It was a mammoth and startling thing in that odd light, a huge concrete structure set at the back of a large sandy field.  The four stories of school had a shadow that swallowed me as I stood trembling at the front gates, which were, at this time, closed.

            "Which one will be your classroom, I wonder?" my mother said, putting one hand on the closed metal gate.  She turned her face to me and smiled her gentle smile.  "Do you have a guess?"

            I gulped.  "Probably on the second floor, since I'll be a freshman," I stammered out.  I was so frightened at that moment…  I thought that I would surely fail everything at school, since I had no knowledge of any of the subjects.  I would not know how to act around my peers or my teachers or anyone.

            I began to cry.

            My mother did not hold me, nor did she take my hand as the tears streamed silently down my face.  She kept smiling, looked back at the school, and said, "Take a good look at it now, Kairi.  Not so scary, is it?  You're a strong girl.  You can handle it."

            I did as she said.  I looked at that building—no, I _stared_ it down.  Twilight was ending, and the school building was slipping into the shadows.  The four stories did not seem as daunting as they had five minutes before.  I wiped the tears from my face and stood up a little straighter.

            "Yeah.  I can take it."

            "That's my daughter," Mom whispered.  It was then that she took my hand and we walked home.

            I loved her.

*

            Monday arrived.  I awoke, surprised at myself for getting any sleep.  I wiped the drowsiness from my eyes, folded up the futon and stashed it away.  My mother was at the kitchenette on the other side of the room, fixing me a large breakfast.

            I checked the clock.  7:00.  I would be leaving in a few minutes, since the walk to school and back took half an hour.  Mom gave me a quick hug and a few last words of assurance before she had to leave for the 7:15 train.  I took a shower and dried my hair, and then pulled on my crisp new uniform.  I turned around in the mirror a few times, hoping I was wearing everything correctly.

            I'm sorry to say I hardly was able to taste the breakfast my mother had so generously prepared for me.  It was practically a miracle when I was able to push the nervousness in my stomach down enough to eat.  Then it flared up and I had to drink a whole glass of orange juice until everything in my insides finally calmed down.

            I plucked up my briefcase, deciding I would take care of the dishes after school.  I did not want to be one minute late.  I could sense that something important was going to happen today.

            At first, the journey was a bit lonely.  I waved to a few neighbors whose faces had become familiar during the walks I had taken investigating my area.  As I got closer to the school, I began to see more and more people that looked my age and that were dressed as I was, or, in the boys' case, in a black outfit consisting of slacks and a high-collared shirt that buttoned toward one side.  Some of these boys were more casual, with their jackets unbuttoned to reveal the white dress shirt underneath.

            Many of the students were walking in twos and threes, and sometimes in as much as fives or sixes.  I held my schoolbag down in front of me, kept my gaze fixed straight ahead, and walked quietly, trying not to draw attention to myself.  I succeeded, but had mixed feelings about it…

            I followed the stream of people, figuring that was my best bet for getting where I needed to be.  There was a big banner over the large gymnasium doors that read, "Welcome Freshman Students."  I knew then I had probably arrived at the right place.  There were many other hand-painted signs set up inside.  "Sit By Homeroom," one of them read.

            I followed a group of girls and boys to a bulletin board where there were six lists of names, homerooms A-F.  I found my name under the heading "1-B."  The ceremony seemed apt to begin at any moment, so I squeezed through a cluster of boys and found a seat in one of the rows of metal folding chairs that had a 'B' plastered on the back.

            The gymnasium filled quickly until all one hundred and fifty freshman students were shifting nervously in the twelve lines of folding chairs (two lines for each homeroom; one for girls, one for boys.)  Even though a sharp breeze blew outside, it was stuffy in the gym, and I found that I wanted to rid myself of the heavy black jacket.  I did not feel comfortable with such an act, though, as a few other girls apparently did.  They sat back in the short-sleeved white collared shirts, and some even crossed their legs.

            I followed suit when everyone around me stood and bowed as a row of men and women in business suits made their way onto the stage.  We sat again and the room was eerily quiet compared to the chaos of mere moments earlier.

            "Good morning," boomed a voice.  For half a second I was startled, remembering the loud voice that had echoed inside my head as I fell from Destiny Islands into Japan.  No, the voice wasn't the same at all…  It was only the principal, standing on the stage before us.  He was speaking into a microphone.  I breathed a sigh of relief, my mind filling in the blanks concerning exactly what a microphone was.

            The principal commended us all on being accepted to such a fine institution, and illuminated some of the highlights that would certainly thrill us during our three-year stay.  He spoke a lot in metaphors, being especially fond of comparing life to a road with a one-way sign, and then assured us we were all headed the right way.  He was obviously very pleased with his school.

            A few other administrators spoke, each one congratulating us on our accomplishment and praising the school with enthusiasm.  After the better part of an hour, when the students were again shifting in our seats, a female teacher came up and explained that she would be announcing the top scorers for the entrance exam, and therefore the two lucky individuals who would be the two representatives of the freshmen class.

            I froze.  _Please, please…  Let me not have gotten the highest score, please.  What the heck is a class representative?  I don't even know!_

            I didn't even hear her speaking, vaguely processed that there was a tie for first place…  _Please, not me, I kept repeating over and over inside my mind, balling my hands into tight and nervous fists._

            My pleading with the celestial forces was for naught.

            My name was called.

            My cheeks turning about the color as my skirt, I stood and walked toward the stage.  Another student from close by was doing the same, but I barely paid attention.  I found my new shoes quite interesting as I stood in front of my one hundred and fifty peers shifting in their seats.

            Someone nudged me in the shoulder.

            "Hey…we have to make a speech, you know," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth.  My fellow class representative, I knew.

            I lifted my head to show him how helpless I felt, but once I raised my eyes I had to step back and gasp.

            My fellow class representative…was none other than Riku.

***

_Author's notes._  I'm glad Codename is being so well received!  I appreciate all the encouraging reviews.  I'm glad you guys think it's almost as awesome as I do :p

This chapter…  I'm not sure it's as accurate…  I don't know all the details concerning how uniforms are issued, only that they're sold in department stores.  The entrance ceremony…I only know that it's held at the beginning of the year…  I only realized later that it might be held before the official start of school, but honestly I have no idea.  So I left it as it was in the story.  And the class representative thing…I stole straight from Kare Kano… ^.^;;  I don't know if that's how it works with all schools or just theirs (the high school in the show/manga).  Ah, well…  Details, details…

And to answer Aniiston's question:  sadly, no.  I am nowhere close to being fluent in Japanese.  I can't even read or write it yet—although I did see the _kanji_ for "Hikari" (light) the other day, and it's _pretty_!  I've studied on my own some, picked it up from subtitled anime and J-drama, as well as J-pop…  Right now my sister and I are studying with a very nice lady from Japan.  In fact, last night we went over to her apartment and had a Japanese dinner (I love Japanese food~~!) and watched a music show and two episodes from Kimutaku's latest drama!!!  ^________^

_Time for Lesson #2_!  For those of you who have never seen much anime in your life (you poor souls!) you might not be at all familiar with how Japanese schools work.  They have elementary, just as we do, and then three years of junior high and three years of high school (as some places in the U.S. do, too, but not me…  I personally like my four-year high school…) In order to get into a prestigious high school, students must pass a difficult entrance exam for that school.  Therefore, they study during junior high.  Then, in order to get into a good college/university, they have to pass another difficult exam (not standardized tests like the SATs or ACTs that are accepted at colleges and universities nationwide, but separate tests for each institution.)

Seventy percent of students in public and fifty percent in private junior high schools attend cram school, or _juku_, in the evenings (I didn't find the statistics for high school, I apologize.)  These schools might specialize in one course, such as English, or offer a wide range of subjects.  It depends upon the school.  There are also _yobiko, college preparatory schools, which are usually attended by people who have failed the college entrance exams and are preparing for their next try (exams are offered only once a year!)  These people are known as _ronin_, which were "masterless samurai" during the feudal period.  College students often kick back once they're in, since they've had six years of study study study.  Poor guys._

Oh, and high school and junior high school students wear uniforms.  I think you could kinda get that from the story, though… ^^


	3. Friendship

*

            _Is it over?_

_            Where is my happy ending, then?_

_            I'm so tired…so…tired…_

_            Forgive me.  Forgive me._

_            I give up…_

_            I'm not scared…really…_

_            As long as you do it, okay?_

_            If it's by your hand…I won't mind so much…_

*

            I guess I had always imagined that I would meet Sora first.  Yes, I'll admit it; I did fantasize occasionally about being reunited with the person who meant more than anything to me.  Hey, there were some lonely nights on Destiny Islands.

            I used to lay awake in the dimness, staring at my bedroom ceiling…

            Anyway.  I suppose it was really unfair to Riku in terms of allotted daydream time.  I really _did_ miss him too, but I simply did not share the kind of bond with him that I had with Sora.  Riku's heart had gone cold as ice before the island had been destroyed.  He had even fought against Sora (and me, too, in a way).

            I couldn't think about him the same way after that.  I couldn't see him the same way I saw Sora.  It wasn't my fault, and it wasn't entirely his either.  It was just that he…meant less to me than Sora.  There was no changing that.

            So I stood there on the stage like some sort of idiot, my mouth wide open.   His aqua eyes were wide and curious; he was probably wondering what I was gawking about.

            "Riku!" I cried out; I wasn't thinking.  "What are you doing here?"

            "What do you mean what am I doing here?" he wanted to know, looking around nervously.  "_I'm_ here to accept my place as class representative.  Are you…okay?"

            My face grew warm.  We were _standing in front of the entire freshman class, as well as __all the teachers.  We were standing __next to a microphone.  The microphone was _on_._

            And I was blabbering like an idiot.  _Idiot!  Idiot!  Idiot!_

            I gulped three or four times.  I could hear stifled giggles popping up throughout the rows.  There were boys wearing amused smirks and girls with their eyebrows politely raised.  At least a few students seemed to be dozing and had no interest in my shame…

            _What am I gonna do?_

            Riku's eyebrows were raised a little, too.  He tugged his black collar, undoing the top button.  Then he smoothed back some of his long silvery blue hair.  Riku…  This was Riku!  My friend who had been fighting the Darkness…!  I wanted nothing more than to take him into my arms and make sure that he was really there.  That he was real—that he was alive!

            But…I couldn't.

            I couldn't.

            _"Do not reveal the truth to anyone…"_

            The voice.  I remembered the voice clearly.

            _"For the truth can be a dangerous thing…"_

            Damn.  Why did I have to remember it just then?  Why was it so loud, overshadowing any thoughts I raised in protest?

            I sighed inwardly and gave up.

            In front of all these people I couldn't say anything.  I couldn't say, "How's the Door to the Light doing, Riku?  Or, perhaps, "How are _you doing, Riku?  Gotten over being possessed by that evil overlord yet?"_

            I stood there, baffled as to what to do.  I was frozen in my spot; I was a babbling idiot.  My cheeks were burning now.  The teenager in me had humiliated herself in front of no less than one hundred and fifty peers.  My supposed best friend looked upon me as he would a stranger acting peculiarly.

            I felt so alone.  I would rather have been up against a swarm of Heartless than in that situation.  Alone.  Alone.  Alone.  I was alone.

            Riku withdrew his attention from me, stepped up to the podium, and began speaking.  I folded my hands together and let my eyes slip to the floor as he took charge of our speech.

            "We are both honored to be your representatives," Riku was saying.  "I'm sure all of us here studied very hard studying for the entrance exam.  Everyone here deserves to be in this school.  Uh…"  He looked at me blankly and whispered, "What was your name again?"

            "Kairi…  Suzuki Kairi," I murmured.  Why wouldn't he know my name?  Why wouldn't he know _me?_

            I would definitely have to talk with him in private later.

            "Suzuki-san and I will be very pleased to represent you this year," Riku finished.  He stepped away from the microphone.  The female teacher, who was very frazzled by this point—probably my doing—shooed us off stage.  I was very thankful to fall back into my seat.  I noticed that Riku was in the row next to mine, up just a couple chairs.   He would be in my homeroom!

            Some older students filed onto the stage and stood behind the podium.  They were all grinning widely and some even clapped their hands together with excitement.  Apparently, these were the club captains.  Each one had about two minutes to promote his or her activity.  I was invited to participate in many different sports—volleyball, tennis, archery, and more—as well as music club, English club, drawing club…   

            After all of that, the homeroom teachers were introduced and they lead us back toward the main school building, where we would start class.  I clutched at my school bag and tried not to hear the girls behind me giggling.

*

            We had time for two classes before lunch, math and then English.  My seat just _had_ to be in the very middle of the room, didn't it?  For the entire morning I could feel everyone's eyes on me.  I made sure that my own gaze was either fixed on the thorough notes I never stopped taking, or focused strictly on the chalkboard where our teachers demonstrated equations or the spelling of difficult words.

            There was a forty-minute break for lunch.  My mother had packed a boxed lunch, or _bento_, for me, with some _onigiri (rice balls) and squid.  I took the box with me and left the room, as a few other students were doing.  I found myself ascending the staircase and then on the roof overlooking the neighborhood.  There wasn't anyone else around, but there was no sign proclaiming the area off-limits.  I decided to take my chances with authority and found a spot in the corner to eat._

            I enjoyed the meal, propping myself up using the fence that lined the roof's perimeter as I did so.  I looked down at the houses and trees and into the distance where some of the large apartment and business buildings in Tokyo were visible.

            "Thank you for this meal," I whispered to myself.  There was no one to chant '_Gochiso-sama deshita_' with.  I sighed and put my _hashi, or chopsticks, away.  I checked my watch; there was more than twenty minutes left before I had to be back for my history lesson._

            I peeled off my black jacket and leaned back against the fence once again.  My eyelids slid shut as my thoughts drifted back to the morning's events.  I was class representative, but now also the laughingstock of said class.  Riku, once my best friend, was actually on this strange new world too, but appeared not to recognize me…

            "Hey, hey."

            Startled, I jumped and shifted a few centimeters away from the high-pitched voice, which was coming from above me.  My eyes came open in a second and I saw that it was a girl with short brown hair.

            Yuffie!

            I knew her!  I had stayed with her while Sora had been away!  In Traverse Town…with Leon and Aerith and Cid…everyone….

            I remembered those days quite clearly.  Yuffie.  She had once been…my friend…

            She bent down and offered her hand, grinning her big, shiny white grin.  "Yo!  I'm Kisaragi Yuffie, or just Yuffie if you would.  You're a freshman, right?"

            I shook her hand briefly.  So, she didn't seem to remember me either…

            "Well, I know you have a big decision to make about what club to join."  She took up my left arm and inspected it.  "I'm a junior on the volleyball team and I think you really have the arms for it!  You'd be a big asset to our team, so I hope you consider us."

            I nodded.

            "So, you like it up here too, huh?" she asked, standing up straight again and looking out across the city.  "It was my secret place last year.  Maybe it's just a thing with cute freshmen girls, I don't know."  Yuffie winked.

            It didn't make since for her to have been in Japan a year ago.  A year ago she was in Traverse Town!

            "So…what drove you to eat lunch alone?"

            I couldn't meet her sympathetic gaze, I just couldn't.  I was too confused about everything.  I was too embarrassed about everything.  "I'm class representative, and everyone laughed at me when I couldn't make a speech."

            "_Sugoi!" she cried.  She was on her knees beside me again.  "Amazing!  Class representative?  You must be __really smart!"_

            "I…I never really thought so," I said.  I still couldn't look at her.

            "But that representative thing is ridiculous.  I dunno.  Last year the boy who got first place had a written speech prepared and everything.  The other kid just let him do the whole thing.  It was like fifteen minutes."  She rolled her eyes.

            I giggled a little, in spite of myself.  Yuffie was just as I remembered.  Her excitement was contagious.  I felt at ease talking with her.

            "So, why did you come up here last year?"

            "All the boys made fun of me for being a tomboy," she said.  Her mouth curved into an evil smile.  "I eventually taught 'em who's boss, though.  Now I have everybody's respect.  That's the key, you know; you gotta stand up to them."

            "I don't want to beat anyone up…"

            She grinned, exposing a mouthful of shiny white teeth.  "You don't have to do _that_.  Just be yourself."

            Had I been a normal Japanese girl, this might have been a simple task.  But the _real_ me came from an island in the middle of the ocean of a different world.   The real me had never ridden the subway or worn a school uniform or eaten _bento.  I had been invited to be on the volleyball team.  But what was it?_

            I knew then that I would have to be an actress, and a good one at that.  I couldn't be the Kairi from Destiny Islands anymore.  I would have to rely on the false memories that trickled into my brain whenever they found it convenient.  But as this fake Kairi—Suzuki Kairi—could I have my old confidence?

            "It's okay.  Do you have any friends you can talk to?" Yuffie asked me.

            "Not really.  I just moved here after graduating junior high."

            "Aw, what a bummer!"  Yuffie scratched her head, thinking.  "Well, then, you can be my friend."

            Was it such a simple thing to make friends?  Was it a decision and not a process?

            "But you don't know me," I said.  I didn't want to burden her with my problems.

            "I like what I know already," she proclaimed, patting my back.  "But you really gotta do me a favor and join the team, okay?"

            "But…  I've never played volleyball before..."

            "It's okay.  I'll teach you everything you need to know.  Just call me 'Yuffie-_sempai,' okay?"_

            "Okay," I agreed, nodding.

            "The first meeting's Wednesday after clean-up duty.  You'll be there, right?"

            "I will."

            She made a 'v' with her fingers, and prompted me to do the same.  "Yay!"

            I was no longer alone.

*

            After lunch and history we had gym class.  The girls wore fairly immodest orange-red gym shorts and white t-shirts.  The boys had the same white t-shirts, but much more substantial shorts.  For that day the girls had to run around the track and the boys played soccer on the adjoining field, since the gym still had to be cleared of the folding chairs.  It was a cool and dry day, so I did not mind the exercise so much.

            I was used to running, and luckily it did not take much coordination.  I was not so great at coordination.  As I pumped my legs hard and made my way around the track, I remembered back to the multiple times a blitzball had come in direct contact with my face.  I was a miserable blitzball player.  I really hoped that volleyball was nothing like it.

             I was near the head of the pack.  A handful of athletic-looking girls were the only ones in front of me.  Many throngs of slower girls were behind.  I could hear them talking about how great Yamamoto-kun looked running across the soccer field.  Yamamoto?  Who was that?

            "Look, look!  He's got the ball!" one girl shrieked.

            I slowed down a little and looked through the chain-link fence to the soccer field.  The one with the black-and-white checkered ball in his possession was Riku.  They were talking about Riku!

            "He's so cool," the same shrieking girl sighed as Riku kicked the ball across the field and into the upper corner of the soccer net.  "He just made a goal!"

            "That was awesome!" someone else cried happily.  "His legs are so powerful—just _look_ at them!"

            I turned my face away and returned to my former pace.  Had the cool wind in my face not already turned my cheeks pink, they would have gone that color then.  I realized that I had been "checking Riku out."  Riku was my friend.  I didn't want to gawk at him like he was an object, like those other girls were doing.  Even though he _did have really nice, muscular legs..._

            "Yamamoto-kun is soooo great.  Did you see his tan?  I heard that he spent vacation in Hawaii!"

            "Hawaii?  Really?"

            "Yeah!  I heard that too!"

            "His family must be rich!"

            "Yeah!  His dad's a big-shot attorney!  Their house is like a mansion!"

            "Wow!"

            I listened to the girls jabber on, even though I didn't really want to.  I tried as hard as I could to concentrate on running, pumping my legs harder and harder—I wanted to fly across the ground, run so gracefully, like a horse—but what was a horse?

            The sound of the teacher's whistle cut through the cool spring air.  "Time to change clothes!" our female instructor said from the center of the track.  "Good job today, girls!"

            I gradually slowed to a jog and then a fast walk.  The teacher took me aside:  "Suzuki.  Hold on a minute."

            I hung back as the rest of the girls headed for the locker rooms.  "Yes, teacher?"

            "You pushed yourself really hard today.  Are you considering going out for the track team?"

            I shook my head.  "No…  Um, I was just thinking about something when I was running."

            "I see.  What a shame."  I heard her click her tongue after she waved me away.

            I could not think about the track team's loss just then, though.  I was too busy planning how I should corner Riku after school and make sure he recognized me.

*

            My chance came earlier than predicted.  I had not known this before, but students were in charge of all janitorial duties at school.  There were various duties in each classroom and throughout the building and surrounding grounds.  Students rotated jobs on a weekly basis.

            I checked the list.  Riku's name and mine were together at the very top.  All that week we would be straightening up the classroom after school.  My heart skipped a beat.  The two of us alone after class every day.  Lucky!

            Another boy from my class was on the list for bathroom duty.  He made a face and left.  All the other students, whose names could not be found on the list, cheered and fled the room quickly, throwing desks askew in their rush.  I frowned and crossed my arms.  Just because it wasn't _their_ job didn't mean they had to make it any more difficult for those of us to which it belonged.

            "No clubs on the first day, so we get to go home right after this," Riku was saying as he looked over a piece of paper with a list of tasks on it.  "First thing here says clean the chalkboards.  You wanna do it?"

            "O-Okay," I agreed.  "So…what club are you going to be in?"

            "Not sure yet.  I'm thinking about kendo."

            "Kendo?"  I could 'recall' seeing men in heavy uniforms and masks clashing wooden swords together.  "That's cool."

            "What about you, Suzuki-san?" he wondered absently at the closet door.  He went "ah-hah" when he withdrew a broom.  Apparently that was what he had been looking for.

            "Um…volleyball.  A junior girl asked me to be on the team and I said yes."

            "You're quite agreeable," he said.  I looked over and saw he was smirking to himself.  That was Riku, all right.  And such an act always made me feel offended.

            I stood up to the insult.  "I can learn to play."

            His mouth opened into an awkward smile.  "Hey, I didn't say you couldn't."

            "_Well…"_

            It was quiet for a while after that.  I heard people in the hall once but then not again for a while.  I realized that Riku and I were pretty much alone.

            "Hey, Ri—I mean, Yamamoto-san."

            "You can call me Riku," he said.  "I really don't care."  He was straightening desks now that he had finished sweeping under them.  I came over to assist, picking up the chairs, turning them upside down, and stacking them on the desktops.

            "You call me Kairi then," I replied, somewhat indignant.

            I took a deep breath in the pause that followed.  It was okay, wasn't it?  We were alone now, weren't we?

            "Hey, Riku…"

            "Yeah?"  He was over a row from me now, having finished with the desks next to the window.

            "You remember, don't you?"

            "Remember what?"  He seemed to be only half paying attention.

            "Don't you?"  I had stopped now.  Everything was still and quiet, save the squeak as Riku dragged the next desk into place.  I turned to him.  "Don't you, Riku?"

            "Remember what?" he repeated absently.

            "About Destiny Islands?  About me and Sora?  About Ansem and the Heartless…and everything?"  I grew more desperate as I spoke, trying to conjure a positive response from him.  I saw no recognition flash through his eyes, even when he finally stopped in the chore and faced me.

            "Are you making stuff up?" he wondered.  He looked puzzled.  Perhaps even somewhat amused.

            "_Don't you?"_

            "I don't have a clue what you're talking about."  Riku scratched the side of his head, blinking a couple times.  "Um, do you need to see the nurse?"

            "No.  Sorry.  It was…nothing..."

            He probably wondered why I next ran from the room.

***

_Lesson #3:  Japanese names_.  In Japan, family names go first (i.e. not 'Bob Smith' but 'Smith Bob'), as in other Asian countries.  How you refer to another person is a big indicator of how familiar you are with him (or how rude you are, depending…).  If you have just met a person, the safest thing to refer to him by is his family name plus the suffix _–san, which is approximately mister/miss/missus—hence "Suzuki-san."  As far as I know, the only thing beyond 'san' is 'sama,' which is the equivalent of lord/lady/master/etc.  They even refer to God that way (__Kami-sama!)  If you refer to someone other than, say, the emperor as that, you sure respect him a lot!_

The familiar suffixes are _–chan_ and _–kun.   I don't think there are direct translations for these.  __–Chan is generally used for girls (and animals…) and _–kun_ for boys.  Family members and good friends will refer to each other this way (we get to call Maiko, our Japanese tutor, Mai-chan!  It makes me happy)._

In this chapter, I also utilized the suffix –_sempai_ (I've seen it spelled '_senpai,' too; someone tell me which one is correct!!)  In the school world, and so I read in the business world as well, people will refer to each other as '__sempai' and '_kohai_,' which basically mean 'senior' and 'junior.'  So, if Kairi is going to refer to Yuffie as her "sempai," she's saying "upperclassman."  It's a respect thing.  Teachers are referred to using the ending "sensei," which I think doesn't quite mean teacher… Unless my memory is totally down the tubes, I _believe_ that in Ranma ½ they call Dr. Tofu "sensei" too.  So maybe it means like "professional" or something??  There are never precise translations for these things!  Arr._

Any input from those more widely versed in the realm of Japanese suffixes will be greatly appreciated!

Also, feel free to ask me to elaborate on anything I stuck in my story and didn't explain right away (or thoroughly enough.)  I might just be saving some stuff for the next lesson, or I might not be and foolishly assumed context was enough (detail is one of the things I've had to work at since I began writing) O.o.  Ask and make sure!  I don't want to leave you all confused… @_@


	4. Reunion

*

            _Stop interfering!_

_            You know I've prepared myself for this._

_            Yes…I realize you're trying to be my friend._

_            Sorry._

_            I don't need you anymore._

_            I've made up my mind._

*

            I ran all the way home.  The sky was almost saturated with clouds by the time I arrived at my apartment building.  Thunder rumbled from somewhere close by as I turned the key in the lock.  The room was dark when I was slipping off my shoes and remained that way as I threw myself across the _tatami_ mat floor.

            It began to rain in the next ten minutes or so, first sporadically and then in even, heavy sheets of cold water.  I had to drag myself up and close the window, which had been open for the sake of fresh breathing air.

            I watched the dark city for a while, the tiled rooftops becoming visible only when lightning splashed across the sky.  This storm was a bad one.  I thought of my mother:  was she indoors?

            I looked at the clock hanging on the wall.  4:38.  Mom wouldn't be leaving work for over an hour.  She should be all right, I decided; a storm couldn't stay that violent for too long.

            Still, realizing that I wouldn't be seeing Mom for so long reawakened the loneliness inside.  I grabbed a Hello Kitty™ pillow from my shelf and hugged it against my chest.  Riku didn't remember me.  Yuffie didn't remember me.  How many more old friends would I stumble upon that would only offer me blank stares when I tried to reminisce about old times?

            But then…I had a thought.

            Sora.

            I would meet Sora in this world, and he would know me.  There was no way he could forget.  Our hearts were connected.  Even if his memories had been locked away somewhere, my presence would surely set them free.  He _would know me—perhaps not with his mind, but definitely with his heart._

            _Sora, I thought._

            Sora was sure to remember.

            Somewhat contented, I unloaded my schoolbag and began my homework.

*

            I had been overly optimistic about the rain.  It let up now and then, but not with any pattern or frequency, and, when I awoke the next day, it was still pouring and Mom was intently watching the weather report on television.

            To be frank, I hadn't quite figured out the television yet and was making a habit of staying away from it.  I went in the bathroom to get ready, leaving the door open a crack so I could hear what the weather forecaster was saying (that was another mystery to me:  how people could know ahead of time what the weather would be).  If I could only hear, then it was like the radio, and I didn't mind the radio so much.  The television, with its miniature people, bright colors, strange animations…yes, it frightened me a little.

            Apparently there was an out-of-season typhoon approaching Tokyo Bay.  My mother kept saying, "It's April, why such a big typhoon?"  I couldn't answer her, and the weatherman couldn't either.  She clicked the television off.  Her face was set in a deep frown when I emerged from the bathroom.

            "I'm just glad I bought another umbrella on my way home yesterday," Mom said as she surveyed my consumption of breakfast.  "Or else we would've had just one for this morning."  She came over to me and straightened my collar a little once I'd finished.  "You'd better leave now.  It'll take you a while to get to school in this rain."

            I gathered up my lunch and books and stacked them neatly together in my schoolbag.  "I'm leaving now!" I called, slipping on my shoes and picking up one of the two big black umbrellas by the door.

            "Take care," Mom said.

*

            I arrived at school very early.  In the entrance room, I slipped of my outdoor shoes and sat down on the step to replace them with my dry indoor shoes.  As I stood up to place my soggy shoes next to my umbrella in the long cubbyhole, I heard someone calling to me.

            "Hey there, Kairi."

            I shut the small door of the wooden cubbyhole.  "Yuffie-sempai, you're here early today."

            "My dad gave me a ride before work," she explained.  I had noticed she was mostly dry, even though her socks looked a little damp.

            "I walked," I said, to point out the obvious.  I was absolutely soaked from my waist down, and pretty wet everywhere else.

            "Here, there should be some towels in the girls' locker room.  Wanna come with?"  She began to lead me once I nodded.  She stopped in the middle of the deserted main hallway.  "Hey, it's still like half an hour before class.  We could probably grab some hot showers real quick—whaddya say?"

            I nodded again.  A hot shower sounded good.  I was grateful for one, and to dry off completely with the big white towels.  My uniform was still damp when I put it back on, but the skin underneath was no longer covered in goose bumps.  I was very thankful to my new friend.

            Yuffie and I slipped quietly out of the gymnasium area, since we hadn't actually asked permission to use the showers.  She told me it would be 'our little secret' and we could do it again anytime there was a 'stupid typhoon.'  This she whispered to me on the way up to the third story, where her classroom was.  Her homeroom was 2-F.

            I felt strange to stand by her desk as upperclassmen filed in.  I didn't recognize any of them.  I lowered my head a little to each one who so much as looked in my direction, nervous they had the right to chastise me if I didn't show the proper respect.

            Yuffie just grinned at me, throwing her feet over the top of her desk.  She would have been one of those girls with their jackets off at the entrance ceremony, I realized.  Why had I been put off by those other girls, then?  I felt like I owed them an apology, even though I knew they couldn't read minds.  I was silly.

            I sighed at myself.

            "Eh?  What's the matter?" Yuffie wanted to know.  I don't know how she managed it, but she simultaneously had her legs over the top of the desk _and was fishing around in it, pulling out some food.  I could smell whatever was in the box:  chocolate.  I was fairly sure I had never inhaled the wonderful scent before, but now I recognized it and my full stomach of a minute earlier was ready to wrap itself around the sugary treat._

            "Want some?" Yuffie asked, her voice somewhat distorted as she was also chewing something.  A long stick of cookie and chocolate was protruding from her lip.  Pocky™!

            "Okay…"  I reached out for the box cautiously.

            "_Kisaragi!"  There was a bang on the front desk, the teacher's desk, as the deep male voice rumbled through the classroom.  Those around us stopped in their chatter.  They froze immediately and their eyes turned to Yuffie and me._

            I nervously lifted my gaze.  At the large metal desk in the very front and center of the room, there stood a man in his early twenties.  He was dressed in a black suit, and standing very straight.  His brown hair was much shorter than I remembered, but his cold gaze hadn't been altered one bit.

            "Get your feet off the desk and save your snacks for lunchtime!"

            "_Oy, Leonheart-sensei," groaned Yuffie, swinging her long legs around and planting her feet on the floor with a _thump_.  "Why'd you gotta be such a stickler?"_

            "It's my job," he replied coolly.  "Class is about to begin, so I suggest your friend be on her way."

            "He's so grumpy," Yuffie whispered up to me, making a face.

            "I can see that, Kisaragi."

            Yuffie continued making her face, adding to it by sticking out her tongue and scrunching her eyes up even more.  I was bowing my way out the door by this time.  I waved meekly at Yuffie, and then skittered back to my own homeroom a floor below.

            _Squall!  Squall's here too! I thought, my excitement overshadowed only by my disappointment about not getting any chocolate._

*

            After lunch we had a free period to study.  I had already completed my assignments for that day, so I took out the homework we had received that morning.  I sat quietly at my desk and began to work, but only a couple minutes later someone was tapping me on the shoulder.

            "Excuse me, Suzuki-san?"

            A girl from my class was standing there timidly, clutching at her math book.  "Could you help me go over today's lesson?  The teacher explained it too fast for me to understand."

            I agreed, motioning for her to pull up a chair.  "I took a lot of notes, but I didn't get it all either.  If we talk about it, maybe we could understand it better."

            She looked a little relieved.  She couldn't have been more so than I; at last, someone in my class was speaking to me!  I was overjoyed.

            Some other girls came over not too long after that, and we soon had a big group discussion going on the math lesson.  We moved onto history and English, too, and then the bell rang and we had to straighten the desks for our next class.  I was disappointed again; I had been having a pretty good time.  Better yet, I had finally relaxed around my peers.

            I felt lucky that most of the school subjects came to me easily.  I had fretted about not knowing how to do anything, but when I had to do a math problem I found I could do it.  The more I studied, the more I 'remembered'.  I had even been able to help the other girls with their homework.

            Yes, I felt very, very lucky.

*

            The school day went all right, especially after the study session, but as soon as the final bell rang and everyone scrambled out to get home before the rain renewed itself in full force (it had let up for the time being), I realized that it was only Tuesday and I had a whole week of after school with Riku.

            I didn't want to see him.  I had avoided looking at him through every lesson and lunch, even though I had had to eat in the classroom because of the rain.  I didn't know if he looked at me ever; I wasn't about to check.

            The classroom had been really messy that day.  I started cleaning the chalk boards right away, then hurried about picking up wrappers, pieces of paper, and the occasional pen or pencil, which went into a lost and found bin on the teacher's desk.

            "Want to avoid the rain?"  Riku's voice cut through the empty room as I crouched over a wrinkled love note.

            "Huh?"

            "That's why you're hurrying, isn't it?"

            He wasn't that dumb.  He was joking with me.

            "I guess so," I replied, snatching up the love note and depositing it in the trashcan on the far side of the room.  I didn't look at him once.  I knew he was probably smirking at me.  It was the same smirk I had seen so many times growing up…after he beat Sora at a race, or he pretended not to be affected by some prank Selphie and Wakka pulled on him.  It was his all-purpose mask.

            Come to think of it…  _How do I know he isn't hiding something right now?_

            "That stuff yesterday," I said.  "I would be happy if you forgot all about it.  It was just a stupid joke."

            "Okay," he replied somewhat cautiously.

            I felt a weight leave my chest.  All right.  So I couldn't bring up the past with Riku.  I resigned myself to be happy that he was breathing, and overjoyed that he was doing so anywhere near me.  I was with my old friend again.

            That should have been enough.

            "But…you're going to have to forget about beating the rain."

            "Eh?"  I looked up.  Riku was standing at the window, facing it with his body but his head swiveled slightly to give me a helpless look.  My eyes ventured past him.  The rain was as bad as it had been the night before.

            "Wow," I murmured, raising one hand to my lips.  There was no way I could walk home in rain like that without drowning.

            The tops of the umbrellas below, all differing in color and shape, moved faster and faster as globs of students ran for their homes or the train station.  The rain continued to worsen.

            "They should just come back to the school and wait it out," Riku scoffed, his arms crossed.

            "Is that what we're gonna have to do?"

            "Unless you want to drown," he told me.  I must have looked nervous—or something—because next he smiled with sincerity and said, "It's okay.  We can hang out with whoever else is stuck here.   And I'll buy you something to drink from the vending machines downstairs."

            "Okay," I agreed.  _Is he…trying to make up for yesterday?_

            "What're you giggling about?"

            I noticed that I was laughing a little, and promptly stopped.  "Nothing."  I couldn't really explain that his personality seemed more agreeable now than I remembered.  That maybe I was already starting to like this Riku more than the old one.

            "…Okay…"  His aqua eyes searched my face with a hint of suspicion.  "Let's finish up.  I'm thirsty."

            It only took ten more minutes to have the room in good order.  Riku and I picked up our bags and went down to the basement where the vacated lunch counter and the vending machines were.  He fished a few hundred yen from his pocket and bought us each a sugary orange drink.  I pointed out that maybe he could have asked what I might have liked first.

            "You don't want it?  I can drink both of 'em."

            I took one of the cans from his hand.  "This will be fine."

            We returned to the staircase and sat down, popping the tabs on our beverages.  I tried not to be frightened by the sudden fizzing sound, or, at the very least, not let Riku know that I was.  I took a sip.  The tingle on my tongue was strange at first, but I soon grew to like it.

            Riku consumed his drink in one gulp.  He set down the empty can and it bounced down the stairs until it hit the floor, where it began to roll.  "Damn."  He chased after it.

            "I guess you weren't kidding about being thirsty," I said, resting my chin on my palms and my elbows on my knees.

            "Kid?  Why, I never kid," he replied.  He snatched the can up and straightened, looking triumphant.

            I heard a loud sneeze from down the corridor.  "What was that?" I asked Riku.

            "Dunno…"  He peeked around the corner.  "Looks like some kid who got caught in the rain."

            Another sneeze arose, somewhat closer.

            "Hey, are you all right?" Riku asked.

            "Yeah, yeah," a nasally voice replied.  There was a third and final sneeze.  "Man, you got a towel or something?  I could _really use one."_

            I set my drink down on the side of the step I was on, then stood up and straightened out my skirt.  "I can go get one," I announced.

            "Ah, that would be great," the speaker replied, still a bit nasally, as he came around the corner.  He had jagged brown hair glued to his face.  His black uniform was clinging to a wiry frame, and a large puddle was forming beneath him.  He looked up at me with vivid blue eyes.

            And I…nearly fainted.

            "Kairi, you okay?" Riku asked, leaping up the steps to catch me before I fell.

            I held my head.  It felt sort of warm…

            "What's wrong with her?" the newcomer asked from below us.

            I broke free of Riku.  "Oh, yes, I'll get you a towel right away, Sora!" I called out over my shoulder as I ran for the gymnasium.

***

_Lesson #4:  A few Japanese customs._  A simple lesson today.  I'm just going to list off a few Japanese customs that I'm going to try to include in my story.  The first two pertain to table manners.  Before eating, Japanese people will say "_itadakimasu_" and, when they are through, say "_gochisosama deshita_" or just "_gochisosama_."  The first is a humble form of the world "to receive" or "to eat," and it is used to express gratitude for the meal:  to the chef, the fishermen and farmers, and nature as a whole.  The second basically means "that was delicious."  In some anime or Japanese drama (_dorama_) they will translate the two phrases as "I'm going to eat" and "I'm finished," which is understandable, since saying these phrases signifies those actions.

Btw…  Did you know it is polite to slurp your soup or noodles in Japan?  When my host family took me out for a lunch of _soba_ (buckwheat noodles, served cold), everyone around me was slurping.  I tried to in order to be polite, but I found I couldn't!  I was so embarrassed…  ;_;

Also, Japanese people will announce their comings and goings, even if there is no one else around to hear them.  They use "_Itte kimasu,_" which means "I'm going out" and "_Tadai ma_," which means "I'm home," and will be answered with "Okaeri" (welcome back).

It's just habit for Japanese people to use all these phrases.  There were times when I wanted to say them with the Japanese hosts, but everyone talked so fast…!!  Ay ay ay.

A note on the senpai/sempai thing…  Look for Koorino Megumi's helpful review—she gives a great explanation.  It _should_ be spelled with an 'n' because of the way the Japanese language is (n is the only consonant that can stand alone), but I'm going to continue using 'sempai' since that's how I've always heard it said, and it's the way I think of the word….  I think it was Escaflowne that did it to me; "_Sempai!  Amano-sempai!_"  Can't get it outta my head…so…yeah…

And my plot is finally about to start…!!  took long enough, huh? XD


	5. Together

*

_            So this is what it feels like…_

_            The worst pain imaginable…_

_            I never knew…_

*

            "It's—bzz—showing no signs—bzz—stopping—bzz…"

            The three of us crowded around the radio.  Riku manipulated the knobs, trying to get the weather report to come in more clearly.

            "Listeners—bzz bzz—advised to stay indoors—bzz—emergency, don't leave—bzzzz—only wait—bzz—continue to stay tuned—bzz…"

            "Man, this reception is total crap," Riku moaned, turning the rightmost knob until the announcer's voice finally bzzed out of existence.  He leaned back in the chair he had dragged up to the wall, where the old yellow radio sat on a low counter.

            Sora pulled the towel down from his mane of brown so it sat on his shoulders.  "Eh, it's probably bad 'cause of the typhoon."

            I sighed.  "We didn't even learn anything new.  We were already going to wait it out."

            Riku stood up and started pacing.  "Are we really the only ones left?  Did everyone else make it out while we were doing cleanup?"

            "There's gotta be a few others," Sora said, now standing as well.  He left the soggy white towel to drip from one of the stacked chairs.  "Let's go have a look around.  At least we'll have something to do."

            I wasn't bored in the least.  I was overjoyed.  Sora was _with me.  I didn't care about any stupid typhoon.  I didn't care that I might not get home until tonight—or even tomorrow.  I had Sora with me._

            Still…he wasn't acting like he recognized me.  He had smiled at me more than once, but that could have just been to thank me for bringing him three large towels, which had been enough to stop him from creating rivers wherever he went.

            Damn.  I couldn't say anything as long as Riku was around.  I'd probably just weird him out again…

            I would have to get Sora alone and make him remember me.  It wouldn't be like it had been with Riku, no; Sora and I were connected.

            But, for the time being at least, I couldn't let on about the past.

            The three of us strolled down the hallway.  No one was on the freshman floor, the second floor.  We checked the basement, where the furnace was, and then the first floor, where all the offices were.  No luck.  We went back up to the third story.  No luck there either.  There was only one more place to check; the top floor, the fourth floor.  Was it really possible that the three of us were the only ones in the building?

            "_Hel-looo!" Sora called from the top of the staircase.  I supposed he didn't feel like walking up and down another hall.  "Anybody there?"_

            "Hey!"  Somebody popped out of the door farthest from us  "We've got company!" she hollered back into the room.

            "It's Yuffie," I realized.

            "Oh, you know her?  Cool," Sora said.  He was already on his way down the hall.  Riku and I walked beside him, with me, the shortest—they had both grown a fair amount—situated in the middle.  For just a moment there, with the three of us walking together, it really felt like old times.  I found myself wanting to reach out and take their hands and swing my arms and maybe sing and I don't know what else.  It was another silly notion, one of many I had been having.

            I suppose the ecstasy of the reunions had made me lose my poise, but I really didn't care.  I was laughing with my friends again—I was laughing, really laughing, and I was with my friends.  Those two things…it had been a year since either had occurred.  Of course I might have had a silly thought or two.  Such a thing was understandable.

            "Ah, it's you I see," observed a deep voice from right next to me as I entered the classroom.

            "Squ—I mean, Leonheart-sensei."  I _barely saved myself from committing a very disrespectful act.  I bowed my head to him, hiding the gulp that traveled down my throat._

            "And what was your name again?"

            "Suzuki, sir.  Suzuki Kairi."  I couldn't meet his stony gaze.  Not when he didn't even recognize me.

            "Our two class representatives!" remarked a warmer and lighter voice as I heard two hands clap together.  "And the best English student in my homeroom with them—but are you all right, Takahashi?  You look dreadfully wet."

            "Yeah, I'm okay," Sora replied casually, swinging a chair from a nearby desk and plopping his soggy rear end onto it.  "And you, Gainsborough-sensei?"

            Aerith—Aerith was there too!  I was stunned as I slowly sunk down into a seat next to my friends.  Squall, Yuffie, Aerith, Riku, Sora…and me.  We were all together in this new world, Japan.

            I studied Aerith.  She was even more beautiful than I remembered.  She had some of her light chocolate hair braided and wound on the top of her head.  The rest descended almost like a cape behind her.  She was wearing a collared dress of a very pale green color, and standing next to a black box that I quickly recognized as another radio.  She turned the volume back up.  It buzzed and sputtered, just as the one downstairs had done.

            "Give up.  The storm's too bad," muttered Squall, leaning hard against the wall.

            Aerith shook her head and then adjusted the volume once more.  She did not turn it off, but instead lowered it to the point where the weatherman's mutilated voice only hummed in the background.

            Yuffie, from behind me, leaned forward and whispered, "I'm soooo glad you guys showed up!  I thought I would be stuck with the teachers for the rest of my stinkin' life!"

            Squall cleared his throat.  "Would you rather have been alone, Kisaragi?"

            Yuffie's groan was loud in my ear.  "I swear that guy's a psychic!"

            I stole a quick glance at the man.  He was looking straight at us, one eyebrow raised just enough for me to notice.  I quickly swiveled around in the chair and faced Yuffie.  She giggled.  I suppose my expression was hilarious.

            I wasn't as amused.  I could still feel Squall's eyes burning into the back of my head.  I hoped he was only trying to send a message through me to Yuffie…

            "The wind's so strong," Aerith said from the window.  I could not see outside; the sheets of rain pouring down the panes of glass were too thick.  I could also hear the glass windowpanes rattling.  The woman hurried and closed the blinds.

            Squall flicked on the rest of the light switches and soon we were bathed in the sharp white-blueness of the long florescent bulbs.

            Something strange happened then, something I cannot explain.  As I was emerged in the sterile brightness, I felt a chilling sensation of familiarity run over me.  I felt cold on the inside…alone…scared.

            I shivered.  

            The two boys were sitting on either side of me.  Riku touched my elbow and watched me with concern.  I shook my head gently and put on the most sincere smile possible.  After a second I felt better…  But in that one second I had felt more fear and pain than I had during all the other millions and millions of seconds in my fifteen-year life added together.

            No one else in the room seemed to have noticed my plight.  Squall stalked toward the window, peaked out between the blinds, and told us, "This wind is bad.  We should go to the basement if it gets much worse."

           "Yes.  And we must not leave the building until the weather improves.  It's very dangerous out there now...  Don't worry," Aerith added, looking right at me, "if it gets to be dinnertime, Leonheart-san and I have the keys to the cafeteria.  We will all be just fine."

            "Oy, but what the heck are we gonna do for all that time?" Yuffie demanded.

            "You _could start your homework," Squall offered, smiling slightly._

            Her moan then was the loudest yet.

*

            The wind did get worse.  It was about five-thirty when the six of us gathered up our belongings and headed for the basement.  Next to the boiler room, there was a small lounge, which contained a couch, several mismatched chairs, as well as a few school desks.

            Riku and I had each completed our assignments upstairs, but Yuffie and Sora were still working.  I asked if I could hurry up to the library on the first floor and retrieve a book to spare me from boredom.  Riku wanted to come too.  Aerith agreed, urging us to hurry back and also requesting we bring her a fashion magazine or two.

            "We should find some cards or something," Riku suggested as we passed through the library doors.  "When Kisaragi and Takahashi finish their homework, maybe we could all play a game."

            "Did you see the look on Yuffie-sempai's face?  I don't know how soon she'll be finished."  I smiled to show I was only joking.  Riku smiled back.  My heart felt warm.  When he wasn't smirking, Riku actually looked quite pleasant and approachable.  The problem was he usually _was_ smirking…

            "Well, you never know.  We might be here a while."

            "Okay.  You look for the cards."

            We went off in different directions to search.  I found myself a novella and Riku—somehow—located a deck of worn playing cards.  Our last stop was the magazine rack.  Now…a fashion magazine…

            "Hey, Kairi."

            "Yeah?"  I was leaning over the rack, thumbing past a few motorcycle magazines.

            "Well…"

            "Ah!" I exclaimed when I what I was looking for.  I snatched my prize from the rack and turned around.  "We can go back now.  What were you going to say?"

            He averted his eyes.  "Nevermind."

            Whoops.  Had I done something wrong?  "Hey, what is it?  You can tell me."

            "Anyway," Riku started, going back across the room.  "Do you miss your home much?"

            "I guess so," I replied slowly.  I was fully aware that he was talking about Sapporo, and that I was talking about Destiny Islands, but it didn't really matter, did it?  I stood facing the wall for a moment.  With everything around me being so new and different, I hadn't actually thought about my home too much.

            Days spent exchanging gossip with Selphie…trying to avoid a game of blitzball with Wakka…preparing the fish Tidus had caught for dinner…  All of this seemed so very far away somehow, and it saddened me.

            "I miss my home, but it's all right because I know that I can go back someday," I said, turning around to face him.  He was standing closer than I had had predicted.  I smiled and moved back slightly.  The wind howled outside.  "Let's go join the others, 'kay?"

            He picked up the cards from the table and silently led the way.

            That was the thing about Riku.  I always felt like he was holding something back.

*

            "The phones won't work, not even my cell," Squall was saying when Riku and I returned.  He was glaring at the world even more angrily than before.

            "You don't have to be so moody," Aerith replied.  "At least everyone is safe."

            "I _know that.  It's just…"  He sighed.  "I was…supposed to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight," sighed the man, putting his hands on his head as he paced across the tile floor.  "She is not going to be happy with me."_

            "Don't be silly.  I'm sure she'll understand," his coworker told him.

            Yuffie snickered in my direction.  I think she was pretty amused that her homeroom teacher even _had_ a girlfriend.

            "Here's your magazine," I told Aerith as I held it out, interrupting Squall's complaints.  Miffed, he went over and settled himself against another wall, crossing his arms in frustration.

            I think he really liked walls.

            "Done!" Sora called out, slamming shut his English workbook.  He stood and announced his intentions of visiting the restroom.

            Things settled down after that.  I sat back down in front of Yuffie and dove into my new book.  The story, a mystery, was fairly intense and I lost myself in it easily.  Had my stomach not growled as I turned the final page, I doubt I would have noticed the passage of time.

            I looked up.  The clock told me it was a quarter to seven.  Yuffie was doodling in the back of her math notebook behind me, Riku was immersed in a round of solitaire to my right, and the two teachers were talking in hushed tones on the far side of the room, Aerith's magazine spread across her lap.

            "Where's Sora?" I wondered immediately.

            "Takahashi?  He's not here?"  Aerith lifted her head.  She seemed moderately alarmed.

            "He's been gone over an hour…" 

            "I thought he just went to the restroom," the teacher said, a frown taking shape out of her perfect pink lips.  "Maybe he went looking for something to eat?"

            "I'll go find him," I volunteered, leaping to my feet.

            "Want company?" Yuffie asked.

            "Eh, I'm all right," I said, regretting my words when I saw disappointment wash over her usually perky face.  "Be back in a minute," I promised on my way out.

            Later… I really wished I could have kept my word.

***

_Author's notes:_  Well, looks like most everyone is assembled now.  How did they all wind up in Japan?  Have patience, my faithful readers, for all shall be revealed…

_Lesson…#5, is it?  Removing Shoes:_  You have probably noticed in my story thus far that the characters are all removing their shoes.  Now, this story sure wouldn't be an accurate portrayal of Japanese life if that didn't happen!  For centuries now—since at least the Heian period (794-1192)—Japanese people have been removing their outdoor footwear before going inside.  It began as a way to keep homes clean, since the ground outdoors was very muddy and people usually sat and slept on cushions laid directly on the _tatami_ mat floor.  While cleanliness is still a motivation for removing shoes today, tradition also plays an important role.  Homes are mostly Western-style, with beds, couches, carpet, tables, etcetera, and Japanese people long ago stopped wearing the traditional _geta (wooden clogs) or _zoori_ (sandals, which were also the origin of today's popular flip-flops), but everyone still removes his or her shoes.  I think that's evidence of pretty strong tradition, don't you?_

Shoes and other outdoor wear are removed at the _genkan_, or entrance.  In houses, this is a special area set a step lower than the rest of the house.  The _genkan is actually not considered to be the inside of the house, and, say, a delivery man can walk in your door and stand there and still be "outside."  The floor of the __genkan is usually the same stone as the walk leading up to the door.  The _genkan_ is a special area because it is, supposedly, the face that a family is showing the world.  There will be a __geta-boko, or shoe cupboard, for unused shoes, and on top of it some sort of ornament, display, bouquet, etc (in my family's home, my host mother put the flower arrangement I made there).  Other shoes will be lined up on the side or, in the case of a guest's shoes, they will be lined neatly up at the door.  Indoors, people will either wear slippers or go around in their socks.  Only socks or bare feet are allowed on _tatami_._

At school, students will switch from their outdoor shoes to indoor ones—either soft, slipper-like shoes called _uwabaki_ or special sneakers—in the large _genkan, where each student has a small cubbyhole/locker type of thing.  I made up the part about there being enough room for an umbrella…I have no idea if that is true or not x.x`  Guests to the schools will wear special guest slippers.  Shoes aren't worn inside temples or shrines, either (they also supply guest slippers, and nothing but socks are worn in main worship areas).  People don't remove shoes at most large public buildings._

Did you know there are also special slippers to only be worn in the room with the toilet?

P.S.  I was thinking that I might put together a small website featuring these lessons (and perhaps some others) as well as photos from my trip.  Do you guys think this is a good idea?__


	6. Surprise

*

            _There's only one thing I can say to you._

            _Farewell…_

*

As I went down the hall, I was thinking about how I finally had my chance with Sora.  I could ask him about the past and everything.  I could make him remember.

            It would be…perfect.

            Right?

            I tried not to doubt myself.  I was very good at overcoming doubt; I had done it for an entire year already.  A few more minutes while I searched for my friend couldn't _possibly make a significant difference._

            Right?

            I walked along slowly, my arms behind my back with one set of fingers wrapped around the opposing wrist.  I suppose I wasn't as worried as I should have been.  I just journeyed down the dark and twisting hallways.  I heard a noise and found myself entering the darkest and most twisted one.

            "…Takahashi?" I tried meekly at first.  I looked around me and saw only blackness.

            I realized that, not only could I not see, I couldn't smell anything, either.

            The familiar mustiness of the basement had disappeared.  I could not hear the boiler anymore.  I stamped my foot down on what had been concrete.  The floor was hard beneath me, but there was no echo indicating the impact.

            There was…no sound at all.

            "Sora?"  I was desperate this time.  "Sora, where are you?"

            In hopes of finding the wall, I reached my arm out.

            Instantly I retracted it.

            My mouth opened and I knew I screamed in reaction to the sudden coldness.  But my cries failed to echo.  I was...trapped…in the dark…

            _No…  It can't be!  Have I fallen into the Darkness somehow?  Where's Sora?_

            "Sora!" I screamed as loud as I could.  His name—those two simple syllables that I had held sacred inside for so long—merely echoed within my ears.  There was no sound from outside my own body.

            Something was terribly wrong.

            _Please, no…  Please…someone…help me…_

            I heard something then, in my last moments of consciousness.

            Unmistakably, it was the squeak of a Heartless.

            The world of senses was opening up to me.   It sounded as though waves were crashing against the sides of my head, and felt like a great weight was trying to flatten me from above.  My stomach felt as if it was caught in a cyclone.

            So many horrible sensations were consuming my body—I soon missed the emptiness of the moments before.

            "Sora!" rode out on my final breath as I fell back into the nothingness.  As my eyelids slipped downward, I believe I saw two growing orbs of light—one fiery red, the other a blazing blue—but perhaps I was mistaken.

*

            "_Watch out!"___

            My eyelids snapped open just in time to see something white heading straight at my face.  Whatever it was made swift contact, and I stumbled backward.  Around me, people were audibly wincing.

            "Kairi, you okay?"  Yuffie was jogging over to me.

            Wait.  Yuffie?  In her gym shorts and white shirt?  With an orange-red headband holding the hair back from her eyes?

            I staggered until finally regaining my balance.  The gymnasium windows were many meters above the ground, but sunlight was clearly shining through them.  "S-Sempai?  What happened to the typhoon?"

            Her eyes narrowed.  "Typhoon?  How hard did that volleyball hit you?"

            "No, no, I mean, I'm all right.  I'm just wondering what happened with the typhoon."

            "You talking about that one we had a coup'la months ago?  Or a different one?"  Yuffie looked around at the other players.  "Oy, captain!"

            A black-haired girl on the other side of the net looked up.

            "Kairi's not feeling so good, so you think I could take her to the infirmary?"

            The captain's eyes found the large clock on the east wall.  "It's time to go anyway, Yuffie."  She clapped her hands together and called out, "Five o'clock, everyone!  Time to go!  Have a good winter break!"

            The team cheered and made haste for the locker room, some plucking up duffel bags on the way.  The boys' basketball team, which had been using the other side of the gym, quickly ended their own practice.

            I stood there in a state of utter confusion.  _Winter break?  It was April!_

            …Wasn't it?

            Maybe the volleyball…really had hit me hard…

            The last thing I remembered was falling into Darkness.

            Yuffie put her hand on my shoulder.  "Oy!  Kai-chan, you ready to get outta here yet?  It's winter break for crying out loud!"

            I shook myself out of my daze enough to walk next to her.  We got cleaned and changed, all the while Yuffie chatting about vacation plans.  The two of us were apparently going to some movies and on shopping sprees, and her family was going to spend New Year's in Kyoto.  I just nodded and murmured uh-huhs whenever it seemed appropriate, but, in reality, I could not have cared less about shopping or holidays; my head was spinning.

            Had—I quickly counted—_seven months really passed without me knowing it?_

            What about the Darkness?

            "So, are you and Riku going to spend New Year's together?" she prodded, grinning widely, as we fastened the large gray buttons of our matching black winter coats (also issued by the school).  Coats…it was a new experience for me.

            "Riku?  What do you mean?"

            She blinked.  "On second thought, maybe we _should go the infirmary…"_

            "No, I mean, I'm okay.  But what do you mean 'Riku?'  Isn't New Year's a holiday for couples?"

            "_Well, aren't you and Riku a couple?"_

            "No!  C'mon now…we're just friends!"

            Her grin melted into an expression of puzzlement.  "Then why do you go on dates on Sundays and walk home from school every day holding hands, huh?  And why did he give you that necklace you're wearing for your birthday?  Is _that_ what you call 'just being friends?'"

            "Necklace?  What ne—?"  My hands located a band around my neck.  I removed the thing immediately to discover what it was:  a silver choker with a blue gemstone dangling off the end.

            "_Real sapphire—I can't believe how rich that guy is!" Yuffie was saying._

            "I…where did it come from?" I mumbled to myself, reattaching the clasp behind my neck.

            "I think you must've fried your brain on those stupid exams," she said dismissively, slapping my back to urge me forward.  We left the locker room and headed outside.

            "Cold!" I shrieked, clutching at myself.  I had never felt a wind so bitter.  And what was that white stuff on the ground?

            "Cold?  Aren't the winters, like, ten times worse on Hokkaido?" Yuffie wondered.  "Don't you all get meters and meters of snow up there?"  Her eyes grew wide at the thought, and then she seemed to settle back down.  "I'm surprised we even got this many centimeters.  It'll probably melt by tomorrow, ya know."

            I knew the island I was _supposed_ to be from was the coldest and snowiest in Japan, but the one I truly had grown up on had been blessed with a tropical climate.  Every day in my memory had been hot, sunny, and humid, with the exception of a few during the rainy season.  I had never before worn a winter coat or seen one single flake of snow.

            But Yuffie was already certain something had happened to my brain, so I couldn't enlighten her any more about my confusion.  Could she have possibly understood a blackout of more than half a year?  When she still didn't remember her real past?

            As we approached the school gates, our boots crunching in the small amount of snow, Yuffie lifted her head.  "Speaking of your boyfriend, there he is now."

            I slowed down.  Indeed, there was Riku, waiting patiently by the gate.

            For me, I knew.  He was waiting for me.

            But…Riku?  Sure, he was plenty attractive and a nice guy, especially deep down, but he wasn't the one for me.  I had someone else.  There was no way I could have been dating Riku, not with Sora around.  It just _wasn't something I would have done._

            I just wouldn't have betrayed Sora like that!

            Sure enough, however, as soon as we reached him, Riku slipped his gloved hand over my bare one and squeezed affectionately.  I couldn't pull away from him, given the _slight_ possibility that we had actually become "involved" during the past months.

            Yuffie gave me a quick hug and waved to Riku as she left, promising that she would call about the movies and shopping on Sunday or Monday.  I did my best to offer a sincere smile.  That's a hard thing to do when your life has been quite recently turned upside down.

            Riku and I started walking without further delay.  His hand was warm over my freezing one, so I didn't pull away.  Besides, I didn't really have the heart…

            "Two weeks with no school, no club practice, and no representative meetings," he said wistfully.  "You excited, Kairi?"

            "Mm," I replied.

            "Something the matter?"

            "Uh, no.  I got hit with a volleyball in the face and, uh, I'm feeling kinda strange," I added quickly.  Maybe I could use _that_ as an excuse.

            Or, just maybe, it really was the cause of my amnesia and in just a little while everything would come back into my mind and I would no longer be left in the state of utter confusion.  I crossed my fingers on the hand that wasn't holding Riku's.

            "So, what do you wanna do?  Get some hot chocolate or tea at the usual place?"

            "Um…"  I stumbled around in my brain for words that would stop short of making me sound as cold and unforgiving as the weather.  "I think…I want to go rest at home."

            "Oh."  He seemed disappointed.

            "I'm sorry, Riku."

            "No, it's okay.  I'll just walk you home."

            He was being so sweet to me, and so gently he was holding my hand.  I felt guilty for the confused thoughts flying around in my head.  The walk to my apartment building proceeded in silence.  We stopped at the main door.

            "How about you take a nap or something?  I'll call tonight to check up on you."

            "All right," I agreed.

            Riku bent down and planted a quick kiss on my lips.  He straightened suddenly to tower over me, looking down on me with confused aqua eyes.  I jumped up and gave him a quick hug—it was the least I could do—before slipping inside.

            "See you later."

            "Yeah."

            Once in the apartment, after relinquishing myself of my coat and boots, I changed into some pink sweat pants and an oversized yellow t-shirt.  I fixed myself some tea and turned on the stereo, which had appeared next to my desk since last time.  I pulled my futon from the closet and unfolded it on the floor.  I sipped my tea and then crawled under the covers, letting the warmth seep into my numbed fingers and nose.  The music gently wrapped itself about me.

            I really was very tired…

*

            "You feeling better now?"

            "Yeah," I answered somewhat drowsily; my mother had just woken me up to answer Riku's phone call.  Mom was currently over the stove preparing our late dinner, since I had been napping and failed to start the meal as usual.

            Taking the cordless phone with me, I sat down cross-legged on my futon and wrapped the warm covers about myself.  It was so _cold!   I could hardly stand it._

            I had never used a telephone before.  Funny, it didn't seem all _that_ odd to talk with someone I couldn't see.  I liked my stereo enough, after all.

            "Hey, Riku," I said.

            "Yeah?"

            "Um…what happened to Sora?"

            "Sora?"

            "Takahashi?"

            "Oh, you mean that guy from Homeroom 1-C?  And the typhoon at the beginning of the year?"

            "Yes, him," I said, a little confidence slipping into me.

            "What about him?"

            Any confidence that had been present decided a brief cameo was enough.  "What happened to us?  You know, us three?"

            "Kairi, I don't know him any better than you.  I haven't talked to him since that day, even though he takes judo lessons at the same place as me…  Now why are you bringing _him up all of a sudden?"_

            "You mean…we never…uh…hung out?"

            "Kairi, are you sure you're okay?  You're acting kind of strange today."  His words were delivered hesitantly.  I wondered if he felt awkward due to my attitude earlier.  Should I have kissed him back, maybe?

            "I do feel a little warm," I replied honestly, my head slowly sinking down onto my knees.  I hadn't spent any time with Sora in all these months?  How was that even possible?

            "Maybe the cold got to you…?"

            "Maybe…"

            "Well…"

            He paused for quite some time.

            "Riku?  You there?"

            "You sound tired.  Want to go now?"

            "Yeah, sort of.  Sorry."

            "Could you…call me later this weekend?  That is, if you're feeling better."

            The guilt I felt was quickly approaching its climax.  "Okay, I will."

            "Okay.  Good night, Kairi."

            "'Night, Riku."

            _Click._

            I turned off the phone and pulled my unwilling body up to go set the receiver down on its cradle.  My mother was laying out the things for dinner.  That miso soup smelled good…

            "Kairi-chan, you sure you're all right?" Mom asked me.  "You're usually so happy when you talk to Riku."  She felt my forehead for a moment and her own brow creased.  "Oh, my, I think you have a fever!"

            I just continued frowning and plopped down in my chair at the dining table.  "Mom, how long have Riku and I been going out?"

            "You should know that better than me," she said, sitting down herself.  She grew reflective as she started dishing up the rice.  "But…it was September when you told me.  You had to—to explain for that necklace he bought you for your birthday."  She sighed and shook her head.  "The money that thing must've cost…"

            My fingers instinctively returned to the pendant.  Sapphire was…September's birthstone...  And the blue stone dangling from my neck was a sapphire.  So, Japan's Suzuki Kairi and Destiny Islands' Kairi had the same month of birth.  Perhaps even the same day?

            I ate quickly and then returned to bed.  My mother watched over me worriedly, saying I had pushed myself too hard at my studies again.  She told me she was glad I had the break and didn't care if I slept for the whole two weeks.  I felt like that was something I could easily do, and quickly returned to my slumber.

*

            In my dream, I was falling through the Darkness.  Everything was horribly cold.  I felt like my body was being squeezed and torn apart at the same time.  I could not tell what was going on, but I remained sure of one fact:  I was falling, faster and faster.  I tried to cry out but my lips did not have the strength.  So, in my mind, I screamed out his name.

            Sora.

***

_Author's notes_.  I fear this story has gotten away from me somehow.  I no longer have much control over what happens…  Ay ay ay, you should see the next chapter.  Pretty crazy stuff that's going on there.  The angst queen returns!!

On a sorta personal note, today I just finished reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_ by Harper Lee and I recommend it to all of you.  I do not know where Lee gained such skill with characterization!  She shows an entire, real world through the eyes of a _very_ believable young girl.  Even the fairly minor characters are developed enough to come alive and walk off the page.  I also started my web site a _wee bit (thx for everyone's support!).  It should be up eventually, but it'll take years to get my pictures scanned (you don't want to know how many I took…)_

_Lesson #6:  (O)bento.  Yummy._  Bento (more politely, "_obento"…there are some Japanese words that can be made more polite just by prefacing them with 'o'!  How convenient!  "__O-sake," "_O-genki_," etc.)  Anyway, _bento_ are boxed lunches.  Made by loving mothers, wives, or sold at convenience stores or train stations, __bento are good for school, work, daytrips, cherry blossom viewings (something I plan to include later in my story)…  Etc etc.  They are usually eaten for lunch.  Rice (__gohan) constitutes most of the _bento_, with little side dishes included to suit personal taste.  Fresh seasonal ingredients are normally employed in these side dishes, or __okazu.  Can't say I've tried a __bento, but I'm looking forward to my first bite!_


	7. Break

*

            _Fate is a cruel mistress._

*

            I called Riku that Sunday night following a long bath.  After sleeping for the bulk of two days, I felt better and even had a touch of cabin sickness.  Although I was uncomfortable concerning the recent developments between my friend and myself, I still trusted him.  Because he was Riku, I guess.  He had betrayed Sora and me once before, true, but I knew that deep down he was a good guy and he cared for the two of us.  Maybe that's why.

            "Hello.  Is Riku there, please?"

            "Oh, is this Kairi?"

            "Yes…"

            "Ah!  So good to hear your voice, Kairi!  Riku told us you weren't feeling well.  How are you now?"

            I had no idea who I was talking to.  His mother?  Older sister?  A maid?

            "I'm feeling a lot better, thank you."

            "Riku's not home.  He's at judo right now.  Hmm…let me see.  It gets over in just a few minutes.  Why don't you go meet him there?  I'm sure he'd like that."

            She gave me the address.  I finished getting dressed—a purple sweater and heavy dark jeans were my attire—after asking my mother if it was all right for me to go out (she agreed after taking my temperature one last time).  At the door I slipped on my black boots and coat, as well as some gloves.

            "I'm leaving now!" I called.

            "Have a good time—and don't push yourself in the cold!"

*

            I found the dojo without too much trouble, but as I approached the gates I found myself burdened with an overwhelming feeling of ignorance.  What was the proper etiquette for the situation?  Was I allowed to go in, or not?  Would I offend someone?

            I ended up following a woman and little girl inside.  I bowed my head to everyone I saw; I figured I couldn't go too wrong with that.  I eventually followed the woman inside the dojo, where we removed our shoes and sat down before a group of sweaty boys in open white jackets and loose white pants.  I searched the crowds of the large room.

            I recognized a few boys from school, but more often than not a face I saw did not conjure any response.  I remembered Riku had said something about Sora taking lessons with him.  Maybe…maybe Sora was there too.

            _You're horrible, Kairi!  You came here to see Riku, didn't you?_

            I eventually found Riku and I watched him throw his opponent down on the mat again and again.  I sat perched on my knees politely.  I noticed he really looked older than I remembered.  His hair had grown a little longer in the past months, just as mine had.  But something in his eyes was very different, especially when he was in the middle of an attack.  My eyes were locked on him, his glistening form, his muscles.  How old was he now?  Sixteen?  Almost seventeen?  He seemed much older, both in mind and body.

            A man called out that it was time to leave.  The other spectators rose so I followed them to the entrance, where I concentrated on putting on my shoes and, when that became ridiculous, on buttoning up my coat.  Several boys passed by, going to join their parents, some of them older and some younger than I.

            "Kairi?"

            Riku was in the midst of fastening his own coat.  He had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder.  "How did you get here?"

            "I called your house," I said.  "They said I could find you here."

            He smiled hugely.  "So, you better then?"

            I nodded.

            We left together and he took my hand.  It was probably colder than Friday afternoon when I had walked home from school, but, somehow, my body was tolerating the chill better.  Maybe it was seeing another person be so happy because of my actions that warmed my heart.

            "It's not very late," Riku said.  "Let's go downtown and walk around."

            We stopped at his house to drop off his things.  I called my mother to inform her of our plans.  Riku talked with his own parents and soon the two of us boarded the train toward downtown.

            The main streets were aglow with holiday lights of all different colors.  Many people were popping in and out of stores, and some just strolled as Riku and I planned to do.  He first took me to a candy store and bought us each a truffle, an amazingly delicious treat that melted in my mouth and filled me with lighter-than-air ecstasy.  After seeing my reaction, Riku had me wait for a moment.  He ran back to the store and returned with an entire box for me to take home.

            After window-shopping for maybe half an hour, the two of us bought a warm milk drink at a booth and proceeded into the park area.  We took a bench under a yellow streetlight decorated with red ribbon.  We sipped our drinks and Riku slipped his arm around my shoulder and held me close.

            "Kairi," Riku said.  "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, did you know that?"

             "I didn't realize it was so soon," I said, which was technically true.  My mind filled in the details.  Christmas was a holiday of some foreign religion, but in Japan most people didn't celebrate it beyond decorations, parties, and gift giving.  New Year's was a bigger deal.

            "My family is leaving for a trip tomorrow, so I won't see you until Friday.  We can make our plans for New Year's then, but…"  He rummaged around in his other pocket and withdrew a small box wrapped in pink paper and a white bow.

            Inside—he urged me to open it right away—I discovered a bracelet not too much unlike my necklace:  it was a silver loop of metal with three small sapphires imbedded in it.  He helped me fasten the thing around my wrist.

            "You like it?" he wondered.

            "It's beautiful," was all I could say.  I held up my bare hand in the light.  My wrist sparkled with the gift.  I noticed that a few puffy flakes of pure-white snow were beginning to descend upon us.  I looked up at the sky to find a blanket of warm grayness wrapped around the city.  Everything was beautiful that night.

            I admired the bracelet once more.  Then I looked at Riku.  "I'm sorry, but I haven't gotten you anything yet…"

            "Don't worry," he told me.  His face was very close to mine then, and his arm was pulling me even closer.  What a different person he was now than the one I had known on Destiny Islands!  He seemed at ease around me.  He seemed very in love with me and not worried in the least about showing it.

            No.  Love?  He couldn't love me, because…  Because I didn't love him…

            I loved someone else.

            Somehow I had forgotten that Sora was out there somewhere.  Somehow I had let Riku's deep voice and handsome face sweep me in.  Somehow his gentle touch and generous and sincere heart had been allowed to distract me from the person for whom I most cared.

            Soon Riku was holding me against him and kissing me tenderly, the moist warmth of mouth penetrating my lips.  Any wooziness I felt then was not caused by the Darkness or any germ in my body.  His passion was being delivered in such a sweet form.  I had never been kissed in such a way—admittedly, now, I had never really been kissed—and I felt weak inside.  I feared for a second that I would melt in his arms.

            But what about that other person?

            The one for whom I most cared?

            I pulled myself away from the heat and the terribly sweet moisture of Riku's lips.  I did this as gently as possible, but, still, I had to _push_ him away from me.  I couldn't let his warmth suck me in, so luring in the face of the cold and snowy night.  I looked at his confused and worried features then, the hair above covered with a delicate layer of snow.  I wondered if I was so adorned with Nature's touch.

            "Riku, I'm sorry," I whispered.

            He breathed in sharply.  "_I'm sorry, Kairi, did I…go too far?"_

            "No, no, it's not that at all," I explained hurriedly.  How could I explain my predicament in a way that made sense?

            "Kairi…"  He touched my cheek with the back of his hand.  "What's happened to you?  Friday after school…you acted like you hardly knew me.  And on the phone that night.  And now.  Kairi, what's wrong?"

            "I don't know how to explain it!" I cried out, my words echoing into the chilly night.

            Riku took his hand away.

            "I'm sorry.  I'm _so sorry.  But I don't remember being with you—not __this way at least…"  I could not look at him.  I did not want to look at that face that had so recently shown me pure love…  Now, almost surely, it was filled with puzzlement and sadness._

            I stood up and left the bench, approaching the edge of the pool of light.

            "Wh-What?  What do you mean you…don't remember?"

            "I don't remember the last seven months, all right?  Not…not since April and the second day of school..."

            I heard him inhale again, sucking in air through clenched teeth.  I bit my own lip.  Silence descended upon us, gentle and lingering like the soft flakes of snow.

            "I'm sorry," I said.

            "Yeah, you've been saying that a lot."

            His words stung me.

            "I have to go now, Riku.  I have to go find Sora."

            "You told me you loved me!"

            "I said no such thing!"

            I gasped at myself, a chill racing itself up and down my spine until I was completely frozen in my place.  My heart failed to beat.  Had I just snapped at Riku, saying such a cruel thing?

            "Damn it," I heard him mutter.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him punch the light post; he had moved to stand by it, behind the bench.  He shook out his knuckles and then balled them up into another fist, ready to strike again.

            Riku looked at me then and forcefully, or so it seemed, kept our gazes locked on one another.  His eyes seemed to glow with rage.  "What kind of girl are you, anyway?  You can't just break up with me?  You have to make up some story about _losing your memory?"_

            He punched the light post again.  It shook.  The light around me danced an angry dance.

            "It's not like that!"

            No response.

            "Can't you at least _try to understand?"_

            No response at all.

            "I didn't mean for this to happen, you know!  You think I'd go and lose my memory on purpose?"

            "So the person I've been in love with all this time…doesn't remember loving me?" he mused to himself, studying his undoubtedly bruised knuckles.

            "No—Riku—I mean—"

            "You said you never told me you loved me.  Maybe we should just forget this whole thing ever happened—or, rather," he interrupted himself, smirking, "_I_ should, since you've already done your part."

            "Don't be like this, Riku.  Don't let it be like this," I pleaded in whispers that I knew he had no hope of hearing.  "Please don't."

            "You," he said in a low roar, lifting one arm and pointing his index finger straight at me.  "You don't have to do anything for me anymore, Kairi.  But do something for yourself:  _Stay away from Sora.  You hear me?"_

            "S-Stay away from him?  Why?"

            "I can't explain it now.  Just listen to me.  For…"  His rage seemed to have left him.  "For your own sake."

            I was shocked more than anything else.  But my emotions were still running high.  "I can take care of myself," I replied smugly.

            I left.

***

_Lesson #7:  Cell phones_.  You know how they're always coming out with the latest technology, like camera phones that can play games and do email and probably cure cancer?  You can thank Japan for that.  Japan is _leagues_ ahead of us in terms of technology, since they're the ones producing it.  When I was in Japan, many people were going around taking pictures with their cell phones.  These didn't get to the U.S. for a good 6+ months, and then everyone was raging about them (and I was like, "big deal…")

You're thinking they're everywhere around here, I bet, but cell phones are _incredibly popular in Japan.  Out of my host family, all but the son had their own (and he was in elementary school).  Once at dinner the phone rang and my host mother, father, and sister all scrambled up to see whose it was.  Funny funny…  According to a 2000 survey, **60%** of high school students own a cellular phone.  Half of those people used their phones at least four times a day.  40% of boys and 50% of girls use their phones to send/receive email _more than ten times a day_.  And that was three years ago…I hate to think how those numbers could have gone up._

Technology has a price, however.  In the past, while riding the trains or subways to and from school, school-aged children would be reading…but now they're just messaging back and forth staring at little screens.  Sad, really…

Oh, yes, and _I happen to be among the few people left—in a developed country, at least—without a cell phone.  My family doesn't even have one.  I'm sure teenage girls in Japan wonder how I keep breathing X_x_


	8. Hallow

*

            _Does this mean that everything I've been told is a lie?_

_            How do I know who is being honest, and who is not?_

_            How do I know who you really are?_

*

            I didn't go home straight after that.  I didn't know what I would do—rather, what I would _say_ to my mother.  She loved me, but that didn't mean she would take automatically take my side on everything.

            So…  Riku, my loyal and loving boyfriend of several months now, had first bought me expensive candy and then had given me a silver bracelet for Christmas.  I had proceeded to take out a dagger, spit on it to make it shine, stab it into his heart and…twist.  As hard as I could.

            I felt like the worst person in the world.  The look in Riku's eyes…the mixture of anger, confusion, and sadness…  It haunted me as I walked down the darkening streets, the snow melting in my hair and dribbling down my neck to give me a chill.  I could only hug myself, the box of truffles sandwiched safely between my arms and chest.

            It began to snow harder.  I was getting very cold and very wet.  I decided to take shelter as soon as the next opportunity arose.  Trouble was, I had stumbled upon a residential area.  I was lost, and there were no public buildings in sight.

            How did I always manage to get myself into such situations?

            Sighing, I pulled the hood of my coat over my head and tied the strings together to keep it snug.  The damage had been done, though; goose bumps were already sprouting on my neck and shoulders.  The wind was starting up, too.

            Great.  Just great.

            I paused under a streetlight and looked around.  I saw something that definitely wasn't a house.  There was a tall bell tower sticking up above the tiled rooftops, a giant cross affixed to one of the two solid walls.  Spotlights were positioned on the sloping roof to illuminate the cross, and the bronze bells caught some of this light and reflected it into the snowy night.  Curious, I changed my path and started for the building.

            A church, I somehow knew.

            Its great wooden doors were open and I gladly pushed through them, my footsteps echoing in the hallowed place.  It was quite dim inside, but there were a few large candles in the front that kept the large room from being consumed by the darkness.  Instead, the shadows lingered around the edges, hiding behind support beams and pillars.

            I stopped in the middle of the aisle and gazed up at the stained glass wall behind the candles.  It depicted a lovely scene of clouds and haloed angels gathering around a small baby.  I admired the art, and appreciated the feelings it stirred within me.  I had found sanctuary from the snow—and in such a beautiful place, too.

            I was lucky.

            I continued on my way after a moment and took a seat on the aisle in the second row.  I set down the box of truffles, which I had managed to protect for the most part, next to me, leaned back, and took a deep breath.  I was warming up a little, but still shivered now and then.

            "Come here often?"

            I practically jumped from my seat.  I was surprised someone else was there and I hadn't noticed.  I turned around and saw a hooded figure at the back of the church.  As he approached the candles' pool of light, his footsteps heavy and paced, I realized that the coat he wore was very similar to my own.

            He proceeded past me to the table in front, where all the candles were, becoming a very dark silhouette.  He looked not so much like a person, but more, I thought, like a person-shaped hole cut out from the holy backdrop.

            Slowly, I came to my feet.

            He picked something up from the table, and then the figure pulled the hood from his head as he turned around to face me.  Brown hair, now free, sprung up into a ridiculous style quite familiar to me.

            "Sora!"

            The item he had just acquired was in his hand.  He held it up.  I realized he was grasping a thick book with the word "Bible" emblazoned in gold across the cover.

            "Did you know," he began quite casually, opening the book, "that there are people in this world that believe in an almighty God, one with absolute power over the entire world?"

            My friend wasn't himself.  Something happened to me at that moment, something I never would have predicted:  I became frightened around Sora.  Just a little, but the anxiety was indeed there, right there inside of me, and it was thriving.

            Sora slammed the Bible shut.  He raised his head and I realized his eyes were narrowed to the point of becoming thin slits in his face, a sure sign of bitterness.

            Bitterness…  How in the world could _my_ Sora be feeling any bitterness?

            "Where was this almighty and all-merciful God when I needed Him, I wonder?"

            I would have asked what he was talking about, but my lips refused to work.  I was paralyzed, too confused to move.  What had happened to Sora?

            "God," he called out, looking around at the stained glass artwork.  "Where were you when I died?"  Sora looked back toward me, and, as he did so, his lips curved into a thin, cynical smirk.  "Is _this_ Heaven, I wonder?  It's not how I would've imagined it."

            My lips finally decided to get their act together.

            "Sora…?  Sora, what are you talking about?  You…you're scaring me..."

            He threw the Bible to the floor.  I cried out at the sudden crash.  The book skidded down the aisle until flying open.  Then it landed on its spine and the pages came down to either side in a rush, as if a wind was blowing straight down on them.  I could only retreat farther down the pew, tripping a little.

            "This isn't Heaven.  It's…"  His maniacal grin widened.  "Yeah, that's it.  This place is more like Hell."

            I kept walking backwards down the row, my gloved hands gripping desperately to the top of the pew.  "Sora…"

            I retreated so far and so fast that, before I was fully aware, I was almost up against the wall and a support beam whose long, dancing shadow was about to consume my form.

            A cold hand wrapped itself around my neck.  So cold I could feel it through the heavy material of my hood.

            _Heartless!_

            "Wherever I go," Sora growled, his back again facing me as he stood halfway across the church.  He turned around and raised something high—the Keyblade.  "Wherever I go, you're right behind me!"  This was a battle cry, delivered in the form of a scream as he charged.

            I could hear squeak after squeak, the suction sounds of dozens of Heartless feet as they gathered around me.  Their hands were grabbing me and pushing me down.  I cried out and fought back, kicking and flailing.  "_Sora!_"

            By some miracle I managed to get on my feet and pull myself from the main fray.  I was on the edge of them now—there must have been at least ten—those little Shadows, two-feet tall creatures of darkness with glowing eyes of evil.

            I had already been consumed by Darkness more than once.  I wouldn't let it happen again.

            "Let—go—of—me!"

            Something was shining brilliantly in front of my face.  Before my brain could catch up with current events, my hand reached up to grab it.  It was then I realized that I was holding the ornate handle of twisting metal…

            I was holding the Oathkeeper.

            "What the Hell is this?" Sora screamed from somewhere; I could not see him since the Heartless were busily multiplying around me.  "Where did it go?  Where's the Keyblade!"

            _I…I don't want it,_ I thought suddenly.  _It's Sora's, not mine…_

            The Oathkeeper pulsed in my hand and dissolved into a cloud of white-silver sparks.  It was gone.

            "_Dammit!_"  Sora shouted.

            I couldn't be concerned for him just then, however; I had my own worries.

            The hands of the Heartless were squeezing around my throat.

*

            I was lying on something hard when I awoke.  I raised my hand up to wipe the tiredness from my eyes.  The glove was gone and my pale fingers were being bathed in light of many different colors.

            I bolted up.

            "Calm down, Kairi," coaxed a female voice I recognized.

            "Aerith!"

            I was sitting on a church pew in the front row.  The candles had burned themselves to stumps and the room was now illuminated solely by the sunlight streaming in through the stained-glass display.  My coat and gloves were folded and stacked neatly next to me.  Aerith was standing in front of me now, her arms crossed and her great green eyes narrowed just slightly.

            "No wonder you were the Final Princess," she said distantly.

            "Wh-What do you mean?"

            "Those Heartless were all over you, but you managed to stay alive.  Your heart is very strong."

            "Aerith…you remember…"

            She smiled a sad smile and sat next to me, cradling one of my hands between her own.  "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier."

            "Does…does everyone remember?"

            "We've been remembering at different times.  For Riku, it was just last night.  He came to me right away to warn me that you were going to see Sora."

            Sora.  Where was he now?

            "It's a good thing, too, or else I wouldn't have known to come looking for you."

            "So you saved me?  Thank you."

            Aerith smiled and was that much more beautiful.  "Of course, Kairi.  You are quite welcome."

            "Oh!  Mom!" I remembered suddenly.  "She must be worried about me…"

            "It's all right.  I called her last night after I found you and said you would stay with me.  I couldn't tell her everything, though."

            I nodded.

            "I would have taken you to my house, but I wanted to let the elixir heal your injuries before moving you.  I'm afraid my magic hasn't been working very well in this world."

            I nodded again.

            "Where's Sora?"

            "Sora was here?"  She seemed mildly alarmed.  "Well…  He's not around now.  Do you want to go have breakfast?"

            "Mmm."

            She helped me to stand and we left the church.  Once outside, as I donned my coat, she reached into her purse and withdrew a slim silver cell phone.  She pressed a few buttons with her thumb and then held the thing to her head.

            As we walked, I overhead her conversation—well, half of it.

            "Hey, Squall?  It's Aerith.  Yes.  I have Kairi with me.  Yes, she's all right.  Uh-huh.  Sorry, what was that?  Oh.  Well, I'm going to make breakfast at my house.  Would you come?  Yes, you can bring her.  All right.  See you soon then."  She folded up the phone and slipped it back into her purse.  By that time we had passed through her gate and were starting up the walk to her house.

            "I was worried," said a deep voice from the front door.

            Kairi led me indoors and we took our shoes and coats off.  Aerith looked at the speaker:  a somber man with spiked blond hair (the style reminded me of Sora).  He was wearing black pants and his muscles bulged visibly beneath a short-sleeved gray shirt.  He looked vaguely familiar…  I might have seen him at the Coliseum once or twice when I had watched Sora train.

            "I _did_ call you, Cloud," Aerith reminded him.  "And I told you I would be late."

            "You didn't say all night," he replied, crossing his arms.  Seeming to shake it off, he looked at me, and I could not help but recoil a little on the inside.  "But I'm glad the girl is fine."

            Aerith laid one hand gently on the man's shoulder.  "Kairi, have you met my husband?"

            "Not formally," I said, bowing to him.  "Nice to meet you, sir."

            Cloud gave a short chuckle.  "You too."

            "I invited Squall," the woman said.  "We'll all have breakfast together."

            "Would you like me to help?" I volunteered.

            Aerith shook her head.  "No, no, I'd prefer it if you rested.  You two can watch the news, all right?"

            News…  That meant television.  Both of us moved awkwardly as I followed Cloud into the living room.  We sat down on a checkered sofa, enough space for about three more people left between the two of us.  Cloud picked up the remote from the coffee table, pressed a button, and the black box in front of the room sputtered on.

            During the news report, we became informed on such topics as wars in other countries (there were a lot of them), some controversy in the government, Christmas celebrations around the world…  It went on like that for a good twenty minutes.

            Then, there was one report that interested me.  Cloud, too, I guess, for he leaned forward.

            "And now, what we mentioned at the beginning of the broadcast," the anchor began.  "In the Tokyo area, sightings of strange black creatures were reported again last night—"

            "Aerith!" Cloud called.

            She appeared from the kitchen, a pair of long cooking chopsticks still in hand.

            "A Heartless," she gasped when a blurred photo of one appeared on the screen.  "My goodness…"

            "The authorities have been dismissing the sightings, but more and more reports are being made every night.  Now the police will be launching a full investigation…"

            Cloud and his wife exchanged looks.

            "I didn't know it was this bad," she said.

            The doorbell rang.  Aerith went and soon returned, Squall and a young woman I didn't recognize in tow.  The woman had shoulder-length black hair with auburn highlights near the front.  Her eyes were dark and enchanting.  She was clinging to Squall's arm, so I reasoned her to be the girlfriend he mentioned the day of the typhoon—either that or Squall was more of a lady's man than he let on…

            "Is this the girl?" the black-haired woman wanted to know, indicating me.

            "Yes, this is Kairi," Aerith replied.  I shifted a little in my seat, since I had four adults' eyes fixed on me.

            Cloud spoke darkly.  "Did you hear about the sightings?"

            Squall withdrew a newspaper from his coat and waved it.  I saw that there was a big sketch of a Heartless on the front page.  "Bought this at the station."

            "It's really bad," said the woman he had brought, who had taken a seat on the couch and was now hugging her knees and rocking back and forth.  I thought her behavior a little childish, since she had to be at least twenty.

            "No one's been killed yet, but it's only a matter of time," was Squall's way of consoling her.

            Employing no effort to restrain her sarcasm, she looked up at him and shot back, "You always know the right thing to say."

            "This is no time to be fighting amongst ourselves," Aerith insisted.  "Rinoa, Squall, settle down.  We need to discuss the situation thoroughly and calmly."

            Rinoa looked over at me.  "Is it okay for her to hear?"

            I was tired of being talked about in the third person.  I stood up.  "You guys are going to explain everything to me right now.  You're going to tell me exactly what happened to Sora."

            They were silent for a while after that.  I guess they knew I meant business.

***

_Author's Notes:_  New chapter, new name for the author.  But the same ol' Firefly is here.  I just couldn't stand being number three.  *sigh*

_Lesson Eight - Bowing:_  I'm not going to do a big lesson on this, since I think most people know it's customary to bow in Japan.  If you play any video games or watch anime you will probably notice Japanese people, well, move a little differently.  I started replaying FFX recently and I really notice how the English voices don't fit with the Japanese mannerisms…but I've seen a few clips (like the ending…*choked sobs*) in Japanese and everything fits perfectly (voices and movements).  Adding new voices, no matter how good the acting (and I think they could've done better for FFX, but…) can't change it into an American game.  But it's no one's fault I guess…

Anyway, yes, bowing.  The person with less seniority bows the deepest.  Bows are at the waist, with hands at your sides (men) or on your thighs with fingers touching (women).  The most common is a 15 degree bow.  In casual situations, you just nod your head.  For your elder (like someone's grandparents) just give it your all, like 45 degrees.  Bowing is a convenient way to say the following things and more:  hello, good night, thank you, forgive me, excuse me…  Phew!  And it's more sanitary than hand shaking…even though Japanese people know to shake hands with Westerners.  So, if you ever go to Japan, bow away, even just a nod.  And it is very impolite not to bow back to someone who bowed to you!


	9. Sides

*

_            I can't say you were always on my mind._

_            But…_

_            You were always in my heart._

*

            I didn't get the answers I was after right away.  Aerith insisted that we eat first, told me that we would all think better once our bodies were fueled, so she had Rinoa help her finish preparing breakfast.  I'm not sure how it all worked out, but somehow I ended up sandwiched between Squall and Cloud watching the morning talk shows.

            I dared to look at them each only once.  On these brief inspections, I found both sets of arms crossed, both brows furrowed, and both mouths set into deep and thoughtful frowns.  I chose not to press them for information, and instead did my very best to pretend I didn't exist.

            "You all don't talk _too_ much, now," Rinoa teased, swooping down on Squall from behind and wrapping her arms around her neck.  His body remained rigid, but from where I was sitting I could see surprise and then a hint of excitement flash in his eyes.  He reached up to touch one baby blue sleeve of Rinoa's blouse.

            The woman straightened.  "_Ahem_.  Breakfast is served."

            She seemed much more relaxed than before, when she had been hugging her knees and rocking back and forth.  I decided that Aerith must have offered her some words of better comfort than Squall's.

            I was surprised when we walked into a Japanese style room, with a table low to the floor and _tatami_ mats under our feet.  We sat cross-legged on square cushions and Aerith served from one corner of the table, where she remained to distribute refills on tea and rice.  I guess I must have appeared curious, for she explained that she preferred a more traditional way of life, and that their living room was the only Western-style part of the house.

            Cloud mumbled something about a lot of expensive kimonos, but I could barely understand him.  Aerith just laughed gently and reminded him that it was their sixth month anniversary soon.

            "Were you married before?  I mean, before you came here?" I asked.

            She nodded.  "We were married in Hollow Bastion soon after Ansem's defeat, but we didn't regain our memories for a while after coming here.  When we came together again, we decided to get married right away.  That was almost six months ago."

            Aerith's emerald eyes were very bright when she talked about her marriage, and she positively beamed in Cloud's direction.  I thought his cheeks looked a little pink, but he held up his rice bowl pretty high and that, together with his outrageous bangs, served to obscure my view.

            "Marriage…something you should consider thinking about," Rinoa said quietly, prodding Squall in the ribs.

            "Kairi-chan," Aerith said.  "Do you know how you ended up in Japan?"

            "Well," I started, thinking back.  "This voice…"  Was it normal to hear voices in situations extreme as these?  I gulped and began again.  "I fell into this world and this voice told me that I needed to help Sora—I'm pretty sure it's Sora that he meant, anyway, since he said 'the one who should open the Door.'  The voice also said I shouldn't tell anyone the truth about my real identity."  I frowned slightly.  I had broken that rule right away.

            I expected a nod or two, but that's not what I got at all.  I looked around and all I could gather was that the adults were processing what I had just told them.

            "It…it wasn't the same for you guys?"

            "No…"  Aerith refilled my teacup and pushed it across the table.  "Don't worry, Kairi.  You came later, so I might have anticipated some differences."

            I sensed she was holding something back and said so.

            "No," Aerith repeated, shaking her head.  Her brown waves bounced.  "We all came together, that's all."

            "Do you know why _you_ came here?"

            "Well…us four, as well as Yuffie and Cid—Cid is not in Japan right now but somewhere in Europe—were summoned here from Hollow Bastion."  Her eyes narrowed, like she was thinking very hard about something.  "It's very blurry for some reason.  Yes, but I'm fairly certain it was to do with Sora.  Sora had some troubles and wound up here.  We were sent to protect…"

            The adults looked at each other as she trailed off.

            "Tell me," I insisted.  "Tell me!  To protect what?"

            "Kairi," Rinoa said, turning toward me and looking very serious.  "I'm sure that, if Sora is your friend, the truth would upset you."

            I licked my lips.  I had sensed something was wrong with Sora.  All those things he said…how he had acted…it wasn't right.  It wasn't right at all.  I just _had_ to know what was really going on.

            "Kairi, I'm sorry.  Maybe it's best if we don't tell you everything," Aerith murmured, not meeting my intense gaze.

            "Just because the truth might upset me doesn't mean I don't have a right to know it!" I exclaimed angrily.  "I'm not just a child!  I'm in the middle of this as much as any of you and I deserve to know what's going on!"

            They said nothing.  They wouldn't even look at me.

            "D-Don't I?"

            "All right, Kairi," Aerith agreed, nodding her head.  "If you truly want to know."

            "I do!" I insisted, sounding much more certain than I actually felt.

            "Kairi…"  Aerith bowed her head.  "Sora died."

            "No!" I shouted before my thoughts caught up with my mouth.  "No way…  There's just…no way…"  I remembered what Sora said back in the church.

            _'God…  Where were you when I died?'_

            "It…it can't be…"

            "I'm not lying to you, Kairi," Aerith assured me.  "Whether you believe me or not, that is up to you.  But what I just said _is_ the truth—at least as far as I know it."

            "And the truth can be a dangerous thing," I whispered, repeating the words of that voice from so many months before.  I buried my face in my hands.  "How could Sora have died?  I _saw_ him…"

            "After death, he was somehow reborn in this world," the woman continued.  I knew she was trying to be gentle, trying as best she could, and for my sake.  "He lived a normal life here—unlike the rest of us, who were merely given our memories.  And now his old self is…reawakening…"

            "So," I said, raising my head, "you were sent to protect Sora?"

            "No."  It was Squall, and his eyes were ice cold.  "We were sent here…to protect this world _from_ Sora."

*

            I arrived home around lunchtime.  My mom was at work, of course, and had left me a note to fix myself something with the food in the fridge.  But I wasn't hungry.  I wasn't _anything_, not really—save stunned.  I felt raw on the inside…as if something had been ripped out of me.  It was a miserable, helpless feeling.

_            Sora…dead?  No.  No way!_

            There was a postcard for me on my desk—well, it wasn't for _me_.  It was addressed to Suzuki Aiko.  Aiko…who was that?  My mother's name, I knew, was Sakura.  So it wasn't for either one of us.  I studied the postcard briefly, and noticed it was four months old.

            _"Dear Aiko-chan_," it read, _"how are things down there?  Everyone in Sapporo really misses you!  For the first few weeks of school it was strange to go to homeroom or drama club and not have you there.  I guess I've gotten used to it now.  You need to write us more!  Well, I'm out of room, so I gotta go.  Love, your friend forever, Yumi."_

            Yumi.  Yumi and Aiko…  Aiko…  Aiko…  I remembered the sterile florescent lights.  I did not know why.  Confused, I decided to put the note aside in my mind, at least for the moment.

            There was a message from Yuffie on the phone.  She wanted to see a movie that afternoon.

            I didn't return her call.  She didn't have her memories back yet.  Besides, once she remembered…

            She would be against Sora, too.

            How could Sora, wielder of the Keyblade, be anything but a hero to those people?  Their world had been destroyed, taken over by an evil maniac, and restored by Sora—but they were ready to turn against him so quickly?

            How…how dare they!

            My pain had quickly become anger.  I put on fresh clothes, then climbed into my boots and coat and prepared to leave once more.  I wasn't going to mope around my house.  I was going to go and find Sora.

            And then…and then I wasn't sure what I would do.

            I didn't even know how I would find him.  I guess I was just determined enough to call out to him.  My heart, I mean.  My heart would call out to him.

            I closed my eyes and concentrated.

            My heart must have called pretty loudly, for the moment I opened the door I came face to face with my intended destination.

            _Sora!_

            I didn't know if I should be overjoyed or…or afraid.

            He shoved a paper bag at me, one overwhelming with tantalizing scents.

            "H-Hello."

            "I brought lunch," he said.  "You like hamburgers?"

            "Er, yeah," I lied, having not tasted one before in my life.  I took the white bag with both hands.  It _did_ smell pretty appetizing…

            "Good," he said, retrieving two cans of pop from his coat pockets.

            Then he stood there.

            "You want to come in an eat?" I offered, transforming myself into the polite, unafraid hostess when the silence became unbearable.

            "Sure."  He shrugged off his coat and removed his shoes.  He had his eyes on his feet as I escorted him to the table in the kitchen and set the bag down.  I got out some plates and we sat across from one another.

            For a while we had the task of eating right there in front of us, but as the food disappeared into our mouths and was washed down with the last sips of cola, we no longer had any excuses not to talk.

            "I came to apologize for last night."

            "Uh-huh…"

            Sora scratched his head.  He then proceeded with a most rushed and tumbled explanation.  "Last night, I, uh, I mean I don't know what happened.  I had no control over what I was doing!  I know this sounds like some stupid, made-up excuse, Suzuki-san, uh, I mean, I know I hardly know you at all…  But please believe me when I say I didn't know what I was doing.  I'm sorry if I scared you," he finished, bowing his head.

            It wasn't quite _my_ Sora yet.  But it wasn't the frightening Sora from the church, either, so I forced myself to be happy.  To be happy with Takahashi Sora, the boy who didn't know me.

            Me, Kairi…his best friend in all the world…

            "So, uh…"  He stood up, bunching up the paper wrappers from our lunch in one hand.  "I guess I should go now."

            "No!"  My hand shot out.

            "Suzuki—?"

            My cheeks went red.  I had been talking without thinking again.  It was a habit that was in dire need of being broken.  Some part of me pushed forth the memories from the church.  I was trying to warn myself of that which lurked inside of him.

            But the greater part of me wouldn't lose Sora, not once I had him that close.

            I murmured, "If you don't have anything to do right now, how about staying for a while?  We could listen to music, or watch some T.V.—"

            "Or work on homework?" he broke in eagerly, leaning over.  The light danced in his blue eyes.

            I nodded, trying to force my cheeks to cool themselves.

            Sora's mouth broke into its usual large and toothy grin.  "All right!  My mom made me start my homework already, and I got really stuck on this one math problem!  I bet you could do it!"

            I could only giggle in response to his excitement.

            We went to my desk.  I turned on my stereo and dug out the homework packets from my bag.  Sora pulled up a chair from the kitchen table and we sat together.  I found I was able to answer his questions fairly easily.  I worked out a few of the more difficult problems for him on a scrap piece of paper, which he eagerly pocketed.  His grin was still big—perhaps bigger.

            "Thanks, Suzuki.  You're a life saver!"

            This was funny, since Sora had saved so many people's lives himself.  He had saved me more than once, while growing up on the islands and on our adventure.  Sora asked what I was smiling about.

            "Just happy to help," I replied.

            Sora pushed the books and packets aside.  "Enough of that.  There's still most of vacation left."

            "What do you want to do now?"

            He shrugged.

            I got out a few cushions and laid them on the _tatami_ floor in front of the television set, which wasn't on.  My music was still going.  Sora sat down and I beside him, leaning back on my palms.  I felt comfortable.  I felt good.  My companion was spacing off about something, so I daydreamed a little of my own.

            _If only you would kiss me the way Riku did…_

            It was an embarrassing thought, but I had it.  I might have been entangled with otherworldly events, but I was still a teenage girl and I still had hormones pulsing through my veins.  It's embarrassing to admit, but I was imagining Sora taking me close and kissing me, telling me he loved me.  Riku had done it, but it wasn't right.

            I wanted Sora.

            It was laughable, though.  I was with someone who could count the times we'd spoken on one hand.

            I wasn't with the boy who had always been there.  He hadn't been the one playing, swimming, racing, laughing, singing with me from sunrise to sunset every single day.  We hadn't played cards evenings or on rainy days.  He hadn't played tricks on me, pretending he was the ghost from one of his awful stories, and then patiently taken the beating I delivered to him in all my panic.

            "You know, Suzuki-san…"

            I came back to myself, having just been on a mental visit to Destiny Islands.

            "Yes?"

            Sora turned to me.  "I don't know you at all, but sometimes…sometimes I get the feeling that I've known you forever."  He scratched his head.  "Weird, huh?"

            "Mmhm…"

            He turned back to look again out the window.

            My heart skipped a beat.  Somewhere inside, he really did remember!  Sora's heart _was_ connected to mine.  I almost threw my arms around his neck, ready for a good wrestle on the floor, just like old times.  But that would have been inappropriate, if only for the fact that we were now both sixteen.  Too old for games like that.  Games like that were for ten years ago.

            Still…  Sora knew me!  I promised him then, quite silently, that I would be on his side no matter what.  That, no matter the hardships, no matter who turned against us, I would be his best friend, I would fight by his side.  I would be plain old Kairi, and he plain old Sora, as in the inseparable Kairi and Sora from Destiny Islands.

            I would be his.  No matter what.

            No matter what monster lurked inside him.

***

_Author's notes:_  Sorry, but no lesson for today.  I'm just…not feeling up to it at the moment…

I'll make up for it somehow, 'kay?  I promise.


	10. Memory

*

            _Sometimes sacrifice is the only way…_

_            But what are you willing to give up?_

_            What is the price of getting rid of this pain you carry inside you?_

*

_            In my dream, I was in the middle of the glistening ocean, the water all around me reflecting the orange-gold rays of the sun.  I was drifting there, floating on my back, my limbs and head drooping.  I was wearing a long white dress, the skirt of which was about two times too long for my legs.  I was turning slowly, my body spinning in the water, but really I was just drifting._

_            Drifting, drifting…_

_            For so long I only drifted.  The setting sun disappeared across the sea.  A pale pearl of a moon rose to take its place, and pinpoints of light emerged from within the folds of the darkening blanket of sky._

_            I lifted my hand.  My skin and the still paler white dress were glowing in the moonlight, almost as if they were absorbing it.  My eyes returned to the sky and the stars twinkling from within the infinite night._

_            My arm was still raised.  I studied it again, noticing a chain was wrapped up and down its length.  I opened my fist and a silver cross fell, shimmering and dancing on the very end of the chain._

_            My body slipped beneath the water, but I could still see the twinkling stars and pale moon through the ocean's rippling surface.  The silver cross had somehow broken free, and was now hovering, just above the waves.  I reached up to grab it, irreversibly fascinated by its power._

_            As the water closed in, I heard Sora's voice calling to me._

_            "Save me, Kairi.  It's almost too late."_

His words…it would be a while until I finally heard them.

*

            That Friday, Mom left for a weekend trip with some other women from her work, and left me with a to-do list.  Due to the cold weather, I first completed all the indoor chores.  I scrubbed the bathroom, toilet room, and the kitchenette until they sparkled.  I did the laundry.  I aired out the futons.  I disposed of old newspapers and ads, putting magazines that seemed worthwhile away in boxes.  I even organized my own things.

            By early in the evening, I was quite certain our apartment could be no cleaner.

            Exhausted, I went to prepare myself something for dinner.  I found the refrigerator and cupboards all but bare, and ended up eating the last cup of instant ramen.  That left no food at all.  I checked the to-do list and found the only item not crossed off:  "#5. Grocery shopping."  Mom had affixed the shopping list and some money with a paper clip.

            I looked at the outdoor thermometer through our window.  As the sun set, it would only grow colder, so I decided to hurry.  I pocketed the money and grocery list in my winter coat's inside pocket, and then scooted off, wrapping a scarf around my neck as I went.

            I decided to go to the convenience store instead of all the way to the supermarket.  It was cold and becoming darker, so I decided that a trek of two blocks were preferable to one of ten.  I hurried through the store and got the essentials from Mom's list, leaving some of the more superfluous items for the next day.

            While going to the checkout, I noticed a magazine with a picture of Utada Hikaru on the cover.  Being the avid fan that I was, I picked it up as a treat to myself for all my hard work.  It was actually the second treat, the first being a package of blueberry muffins for Saturday and Sunday's breakfast.

            Outside, I found the sky dark and the streetlights humming on. The plastic handles of the shopping bags pulled at my fingers, and I cursed myself twofold for forgetting gloves.

            I thought about my dream as I walked up the street, but not too much; I put little faith in dreams.

            There was something that the mayor's wife had told me time and time again when I was a young girl on Destiny Islands.  She said dreams are our minds' way of sorting out the events of the day and committing important facts to memory, but the strange things that happen in dreams are put in by our imagination, which is always prone to mischief.  She said the silly things that dreams show us are meant to be forgotten, and that is why they so easily are.

            There were times when I had really fantastic dreams as a little girl.  I would wake up wanting desperately to hold onto the things I had seen.  And still, no matter how hard I tried, the images faded from my mind and I soon forgot I had dreamt at all.  At some point I had taken the mayor's wife's words as fact.  She looked the part of a sage, and certainly acted it as well.  Her lessons always made sense to me, and more sense the older I grew.

            Although…recently I had been remembering dreams more clearly.  Dreams about the Darkness, or dreams about Sora and Destiny Islands.  I thought that maybe I should start paying attention, since I _was_ connected to something otherworldly and all.  Still…

            "Hey!  Slow down a minute!"

            I did as was asked, stopping and turning to face the person who had called out (I would not have assumed she was talking to me, save the fact that I was alone on the street).      She came into the light.

            It was Rinoa, her shiny black hair messily shoved into a ponytail.

            She took a minute to catch her breath.  "Whew.  I'm glad I caught you!  I thought I might've seen you when I went into the convenience store, but then, when I saw you again, and made sure it was you, you were leaving!  I'm glad I was able to catch up."  She finished pulling on her coat, a job she had so far left undone.  Then she readjusted her grip on her own shopping bag.

            I nodded, still not saying anything.  I had kept my distance from Aerith and the others since our breakfast earlier in the week.  Things had ended pretty badly—I had blown up at them, angry that they could be so unfair to Sora.  I had stomped out of there, and most of my way home, not wishing to hear one word more of their plans to protect the _world_.  I did not want to hear anything about my friend being anyone's enemy—especially theirs.

            Rinoa continued to fill her lungs with the cold night air.  A cloud of mist emerged when she sighed, tilted her head back, and ran one mittened hand through her hair.  Her cheeks were very rosy with the cold.

            "Do you live around here?" she wondered.

            I nodded again and pointed to my apartment building, which was on the next block.  "I live right there.  Do you?"

            "Eh?"

            "Live around here…"

            "Oh, oh, no.  No, I work as a waitress at that big Chinese restaurant," she explained, motioning over one shoulder.  I knew where she was talking about, since I would pass it on the way to the grocery store, but I had never eaten there.  "I was just picking some things up on the way to the station."

            "Oh," I replied, feeling indifferent about her situation.  "I thought you might have been doing some of that 'patrol' that Cloud and Squall were talking about."  My mood had gone painfully sour.

            "So you're still angry at us?"

            Why should she look so hurt?  It wasn't as though she _knew_ me or anything.  Anyway, she was more like a big kid than a grownup, from what I had seen.

            "C'mon, how about you and me have a nice talk?" Rinoa suggested.  "If you're not busy—hey, I'll even carry some of your stuff."  Not waiting for any hint of a response from me, she took two of the three bags I carried and pretended not to buckle under the weight.  I took one bag back and agreed that we could have something hot to drink at my apartment.

            After my groceries had been put away and hers temporarily stashed in the fridge, the two of us ended up at my kitchen table with mugs of hot chocolate.  Rinoa removed her ponytail and her shoulder-length black hair came spilling down onto her shoulders, contrasting the whiteness of the fluffy sweater she wore.

            She seemed to have settled down immediately.  The woman's personality confused me:  she seemed to always be switching back and forth between anxiety and relaxation.  But, overall, she was rather peppy, and seemed a little headstrong underneath it all, too.

            "You're one smart kid," Rinoa began, wrapping her reddened fingers around the steaming mug.  "I actually _was_ on patrol."

            "And you left your post?" I replied, somewhat cynical.

            "No, I was just supposed to watch things around the restaurant, and that's what I did."  She shrugged.  "Squall didn't tell me I had to stay out the whole night.  Besides, there haven't been any Heartless sightings for a few days now.  Things seem to have cooled down."

            How could she be so naïve?  I said smugly, "They might have just gotten smarter."

            "You _are_ the clever one!"  She took a sip of her chocolate.  "Mmm, that's some good stuff."

            "…Thanks."

            "You're a little cold though, huh?  Were you around those guys too much, I wonder?"  She giggled.  "They're such stiffs!  It's not like we all can't do our duty _and_ have fun at the same time."

            So that was her attitude about all of this?  She wanted to have fun when she had the chance?  What about Sora?  All of them were _going against Sora_!  It was obvious she didn't know him, because, if she did—and had a heart—she wouldn't have been so casual about the whole thing.

            While I was fuming to myself, Rinoa was leaning on one elbow and gazing off, somewhat regretfully.  "I _finally_ get Squall to loosen up a bit, and then this whole mess with Lord Ansem and the Heartless comes up."  She grimaced.  "If only he would have left Hollow Bastion out of it!"

            Surprised, I could only say, "You're from Hollow Bastion?"

            "Yeah."  Rinoa had a new kind of expression:  gloomy.  She sighed again, ran her hand through her hair again.  "And that's why Squall is all worried and protective now."

            I hadn't seen her in Traverse Town or Hollow Bastion.  I could only assume…

            "I was swallowed up by the Darkness when Ansem first went nuts and took over.  Squall, Aerith, Yuffie, and Cid made it out together, and Cloud got separated, or so they tell me.  But I was long gone by then."  She had a little more hot chocolate.  "Squall tried to save me, but couldn't.  He told me he felt helpless and weak then—and men hate feeling weak more than anything, let me tell you—especially a guy like him."

            "Is that why he went by Leon?"

            She smiled, but I could tell there was no real happiness behind the gesture.

            "He said he couldn't forgive himself for what happened to me…  For letting our world fall…"

            "So, now that your world is restored, he's Squall again?"

            "Sort of.  He still beats himself up about what happened, but I wasn't going to let him go by _Leon_ for the rest of his life."  She had some more of the hot chocolate, and then her head sank down.  "I wish he could forgive himself.  It wasn't his fault.  None of us knew what was going on until it was too late."

            "It was the same on my world," I told her.  "And I was swallowed too…  I lost my heart."

            "It's the…coldest feeling in the world…isn't it…?"

            I could only bow my head, trying not to think about it too much.  Trying not to remember what it felt like to have the forces of Darkness pulling at my heart, sucking me into the web of nothingness.

            Cold, huh?

            It was much more than cold.  It was a feeling beyond physical sensation.  It was as if the contents of your soul were being emptied, and you were left as nothing but a shell.  The most merciful part of the experience was when you finally blacked out—when you finally felt nothing at all.

            "Well…"  Rinoa stood.  "Thank you for the hot chocolate.  I need to go if I'm going to get the nine o'clock."  She went to the fridge and pulled out her groceries, and then left me without another word.

           I could only watch her leave.  I realized she had gone back to being anxious.  I realized that she, too, was trying not to remember the Darkness pulling her in.

*

            About an hour later, somewhere around ten o'clock, I had another visitor.  I went to the door and checked the peephole, as Mom had demanded I do when home alone.  I could see the hallway light reflecting off silvery hair.

            Riku knocked again.  I opened the door.

            "Hey," he said.  The handles of a very large paper bag were around his wrist.

            "Hi."

            "How's it going?"

            "All right.  Would you like to come in?"

            He bowed his head and came inside.  I took his coat for him and he set down the large bag just inside.

            "You apartment is really clean," Riku said, the edges of his lips curling just slightly.  "A lot cleaner than the other times I've been here."

            "Riku!"  I punched him lightly.  "That's not a very polite thing to say, you know.  Besides, I worked all day cleaning up."

            "I know.  Once you put your mind to something, you really do a great job."  He smiled.

            "What's got you over here so late?" I wanted to know.

            "Well…  I wanted to check up on you.  That, and…"

            "And?"

            He frowned.  "I just got back from my trip today, and I had a fight with my parents.  They think I'm insane…"

            "In…Insane?  _Why_?"

            "Because.  I remembered."

            Remembered.  Remembered his old life.

            Got his memories back.

            All of them.

            All at once, too.

            Riku's frown deepened, and his aqua eyes grew dark with anger and confusion.  "They wouldn't accept any of it.  They think something is wrong with me!"  He began to pace around the room.  "But I _know_ there isn't.  When I tried to contradict them, my father just…threw me out.  I really didn't have anywhere to go."

             "That's awful!  How could your own father do that to you?  Throw his own kid out on the street?"

            Riku's father being so cruel…  It seemed impossible.  I couldn't believe it.

            "He's not really my father, though," he said, trying to brush it off.

            "In this world, he is," I insisted quietly.

           "Kairi…you've known—you've remembered—all along.  I only got my memories back a few days ago.  Now I feel like I'm…two people at the same time.  I don't know who to be.  I don't even know who I really am…"

            I could empathize with him completely.  Just by looking at his face twisted by a whirlwind of contradicting emotions, I knew how he felt.  I knew exactly.

            "Riku…"

            It was strange for him to be opening up to me like this.  The old Riku on Destiny Islands would never have told anyone anything so personal.  He would have kept it bottled up inside and tried to deal with it his own way, not burdening anybody else, not showing weakness to anybody else.

            This Riku…a confused mix of the two Rikus…perhaps because we had, at one time, in one way, shared love, he felt that he could let down his guard with me.  I didn't want to screw it up, not after the way I had treated him.  He was still my friend.

            We were still standing near the door, so I asked him if he wanted to sit down at the table.  I stood next to him, my hand lingering in the air just over his shoulder.  I really wanted to comfort him, but I had, after all, recently dumped him in one of the worst ways possible.  Perhaps he understood the situation better now, but the brain and the heart don't always see eye to eye.

            "I should go," Riku said, standing up.  As he stood, his shoulder rose to come in contact with my hand.  "I don't want to bother you."

            I pushed him back down.  "Riku, stay.  Please."

            "No.  I have to go find some place to eat dinner, and then I'll find a motel somewhere.  I'll be fine."  He tried to stand once more, and I pushed him down again.

            I opened my mouth to speak.

            "Don't worry about me."

            'I don't want your pity,' he was telling me.  Well, I wasn't trying to pity him.  I wanted one thing only:  to comfort him.

            "It's late, Riku.  I'll make you dinner and you can stay here tonight.  We'll wait until tomorrow to sort things out."

            I turned my back to him, ready to go cook something.  I was jolted back when his arms wrapped around me and he buried his face in my back.

            "I hate these memories," he growled.  "So many awful things happened to me.  But here—in this life—I was…so happy…  I don't really care if it all was a lie."

            "Riku…"

            "And now…"  His arms tightened around my waist.  "Everything has fallen apart…"

***

Cheery author's notes and lessons are back!  And I have just the treat for you to make up for last time: a fan art of Kairi from everyone's favorite story, _Codename:  Kokosei_!  *waits for the applause to die down*  You can find a link in my profile, since I can't put one here.  I'm not the best artist in the world, but I tried my best!

Attention!  Something all readers should know:  I'll be starting my junior year of high school on Thursday (only one day of freedom left!!) so my updates may become few and far in between.  I'm sorry, but I really have to devote my time to schoolwork above all else.  This is just a hobby, after all (although one I enjoy very much and might might might might just _someday_ become a career…)  I will do my best!

Lesson #10 (…okay, so really it's #9, but I'll get too confused if the numbers don't correspond with the chapters…): New Year's Eve and other things corresponding to the end of December and the beginning of January:  Japan, if you don't already happen to know, is not a largely Christian country, so Christmas isn't much more than decorations and presents.  However, never fear, as there's plenty of tradition to look forward to during those short and bitterly cold days—New Year's is a big deal!  Even if religion doesn't play the biggest part, starting the New Year is all about customs.  Like here, people make resolutions to improve themselves (lose weight, quit smoking, etc).  They also do major house cleaning so as to start off with a clean slate (sort of like spring cleaning).

Women and daughters go to great lengths to prepare New Year's food (Osechi ryouri).  Osechi ryouri is packed in a special multi-layer box called Jubako.  Presentation, as always, is very important.  Each dish featured in the jubako symbolizes something special:  prawns for long life, herring roe for fertility, etc (there are many).  All the cooking is done ahead of time so the ladies can enjoy a much-needed and well-deserved rest on New Year's Day. ^^

Most businesses will be closed around New Year's so everyone can be home with their family and eat delicious food.  At midnight on New Year's Eve, the bells from the temples will ring 108 times because it is said we all have 108 attachments to our ego…(don't ask me…)  Visitors can ring the bells.  Also, at midnight and for the first few days of January, the Japanese people will flock to temples and shrines for hatsumode, their first visit of the year.  They pray for health and happiness for the next year.

Oh yes, New Year's Eve is _Oomisoka_ and the New Year's Holidays (January 1-3) are called _Shogatsu_.  If you want to wish someone a happy new year, just say the following:  _ake mashite-omedetou-gozaimasu!_  Now you're all set.


	11. Unspoken

*

            _Sometimes friendship…love…compassion…_

_            Sometimes it all seems like an illusion._

*

            I woke up the next morning with a couple of surprises.  One was that I wasn't in our main room sleeping on the floor, but in my Mom's and in a bed.  The other was the sound of someone in the kitchen, when I knew I should be home alone.

            But I wasn't.

            As I grew increasingly conscious, I remembered something of recent events.  Mom was gone on a trip.  I should have been home alone, only Riku had been kicked out of his house and I had offered him a free place to stay.  He had used my futon, so recently cleaned, and I had stayed in Mom's room.

            The clock told me it was eight-thirty.  I hadn't slept in too late now, had I?  I straightened out my pajamas, baggy white pants and a purple spaghetti strap top, combed my hair at the dresser, and went to see what was going on.

            Riku had removed his long-sleeved shirt from the night before and now was wearing slightly wrinkled jeans and a white t-shirt.  He smiled at me from the stove, where he was frying up some eggs.  Some fruit was already cut up and placed decoratively on two plates at the table.

            "I wanted to have it all ready before you woke up," he said regretfully, placing the eggs on a large serving plate with the aid of a spatula.  "And don't worry; I'll take care of all the dishes."

            "Riku, you don't have to do this."

            "You really helped me, Kairi."  His back was to me, so I couldn't judge his expression.  Then he turned around with a big smile and said, "Now, I made up some orange juice, so how about you get it out?"

            "Sure."

            The breakfast was delicious, and Riku's conversation light.  I had held him for over an hour last night, just hugging him and telling him I understood what he was going through.  I had realized that it was not only the confusion of two identities that made him shake so, but also the horrors left over from what he had experienced before coming to Japan.

            I wished he had been calm enough to be coherent, so I could have found out more, but I chose not to press the matter.

            I wanted to be Riku's friend.  Why?  Well, there were many reasons.  One, he had always been my friend, always been there watching over me—even from a distance.  Two, things had been rough for us those last months on Destiny Islands, and rougher still when Riku and Sora were put on different sides of the battle.  Third, in this new life, I had managed to squash his happiness fairly completely, and was feeling pangs of guilt about said squashing whenever I looked at him.

            While we were cleaning up (I insisted on helping), Riku grew quiet.  Out of the blue he said, "Any other chores or errands I can do?"

            "There's some heavy stuff I need from the grocery store."

            "Sounds good.  When do you want to go?"

            We dressed, Riku replacing his shirt from the previous day and me putting on fresh clothes in the privacy of the bedroom.  Then we pulled on our coats and trotted down the stairs to the cold morning.  The sun was still low in the sky, so our shadows were long as they trailed behind us.

            We passed the Chinese restaurant where Rinoa worked.  I thought of her, hoping she had managed to calm down.  I knew she always went back and forth between emotions, but I had a feeling that she probably took a long while to drive the fear from her thoughts last night.

            _Once the Darkness tastes you, it hangs around forever, _I thought.

            "Kairi," Riku said when we were about halfway to the store.

            "Yes?"

            "You know…  The other night you told me you lost your memory.  What happened?"

            Was he psychic or something?  How in the world could he have known that I was thinking about the Darkness?

            "I don't exactly," I replied honestly, weighing in my mind the pros and cons of holding information back and confiding in him.  I decided that I didn't want to put a lie between us.  I wanted him to know I trusted him so he could trust me back.  "I was swallowed by the Darkness."

            Riku's stopped abruptly.  "You _what?_"

            "Shh," I urged, trying to get him to stop yelling.  I held one finger to my lips.  "C'mon, don't yell."

            "_You what?_" he yelled in a whisper.  He looked around.  Some people were watching.  Riku took up walking again.  He kept his face incredibly neutral and said, "Why didn't you tell me this?"

            "How could I have _told_ you?  You didn't remember."

            "Well…last night.  Why didn't you say something last night?"

            "I didn't think about it.  I was worried about _you_."

            He obviously couldn't argue with that.

            "Well then, you can tell me now.  What happened?"

            "I already told you, okay?  I don't know.  One minute I was looking for Sora and the next it was really dark all around me…"  I shivered just to think about it again.  "And then I woke up and it was like a week ago…"

            I'd been managed to avoid thinking about my amnesia for several days now.  I'd been so focused on Sora, Riku, Aerith, and everyone else.  I'd thrown myself into tasks such as cleaning and homework.  I hadn't wanted to think what could have happened to me in the months I had been unaware—not the me that had been living a normal life in Japan—the me who no longer had any memory of that time.

            Had I—my soul and mind—been in suspended animation?  Or had something so horrible occurred that my mind had forgotten it as a defense mechanism?

            "Kairi, it's okay," Riku told me.  He had started holding my hand while I was so wrapped up in my worries.  I must have really looked desperate for his old habits to override the boy's self-control.  He saw me noticing his hand and loosened his grip, but he failed to let go completely.  "You'll be all right."

            I smiled and nodded at him.  Yes, I was all right.  In fact, I was perfectly all right.  I had been swallowed by the Darkness and had who-knew-what done to me, but I could be strong.  I could be _strong_—like Sora, like Riku—and I could make it through without feeling sorry for myself.

            "I'm fine, Riku," I told him, doing my best to laugh as if the worried look he cast on me was for nothing.  "Don't look so serious."

            Riku sighed.  "This _is_ serious, Kairi.  All of this is very serious!  Don't you understand that the fight isn't over yet?"

            "Of course I know that!  I'm not so naïve this time," I added defensively.  "The Heartless are here in Japan too."

            "The Heartless are the least of it," Riku muttered.  He kept walking, but I stopped, and the distance between us grew.

            "Aren't the Heartless…what this is all about…?"

            "No, Kairi."  His reply was firm, cold and bitter like the winter morning's air.

            So I was naïve.  I felt foolish to have claimed otherwise.  But then I remembered what—or, rather, whom—Aerith, Squall, Cloud, and Rinoa had talked so worriedly about.

            "This better not be about Sora," I said in a low growl, doubling my pace to catch up with Riku.  I kept my face as emotionless as possible so we wouldn't procure any more attention from the people around us.

            "Kairi…"

            "It is, isn't it?"  By this point, I had to try very hard to restrain my emotions.  Would I now have to isolate myself from Riku as well?  No, no…I couldn't go that far.  I wouldn't.

            "There's a lot of things you don't know," Riku began, but I raised one hand to dismiss him.

            "I don't want to know them right now."

            "Good."  Riku's hand slipped back over mine.  "Because I don't want to say them."

*

            Riku was to stay another night at the apartment, but for the time being he was on his way to sneak into his house to get a few things.  I stayed at home so he wouldn't be locked out upon his return.

            I had nothing much to do.  I listened to music and thumbed through manga.  There was a knock at the door after about twenty minutes.  It was too early to be Riku…

            "Suzuki, are you home?"  The visitor knocked again.  "Suzuki-san?"

            Sora!

            "Hi!" I greeted eagerly when I opened the door.  Sora offered me a small bag whose ropelike handles were tied with a bow.  I reached out both hands and accepted it with a nod of my head.  Sure, it was customary to bring a gift when visiting someone else's home, but a present from Sora was a present from Sora.

            "Sorry to bother you…"

            "It's no problem at all."  I ushered him in and we sat at the kitchen table.  "Did you figure out all your homework?"

            "Yeah, yeah," he said, grinning.  He scratched the back of his head, not meeting my eyes.  "Actually, I finished all my homework and got kinda bored, so I decided to come over and say thanks for helping me out."  He nodded at the small bag I was holding.  "My mom told me to bring a present."

            "Should I open it?"

            "Yeah, yeah, I want to see your reaction.  I'm not used to buying girls presents, so…"

            I smiled shyly and untwisted the purple bow and then drew apart the white handles.  I removed the layer of tissue paper inside the bag and ultimately withdrew a small glass cylinder containing a fragrant pink candle.  It smelled wonderful.

            "_Sakura_?" I asked, bringing the thing to my nose and inhaling deeply.  It smelled like cherry blossoms, indeed it did, although I couldn't remember smelling a real one myself.

            Sora nodded vigorously.  "I didn't know which one to get.  They had peach, and lilac, all sorts of stuff…"

            "I love this one," I told him, my cheeks approaching the color of my gift.  I hurried to place it in the middle of my desk.  Sora was close behind.  His arm came up around me and I saw he was holding a pack of matches.

            My cheeks stayed sakura pink.  Sora was so _close_.  His familiar scent made me smile more than that of the candle.  I let my hand linger on his as I accepted the matches.  It took all the willpower I had not to lean back into his open embrace.

            I wanted it so badly…to be with him…

            What exactly was I waiting for?  Sora remembered me in his heart, didn't he?  He cared for me and I for him.  If I let him close in around me, where was the problem?   I decided to be held by him, and so I leaned back…

            But Sora wasn't there.  He had just turned away.

            I stumbled back and saw what had claimed his attention.

            "Excuse me for interrupting," Riku said coolly from the open doorway.  "Now get away from her."

***

_Author's notes:_ A short, plotless, lessonless update is better than no update at all, ne?

X_x


	12. Prayer

*

_            Nothing is as simple as I would like it to be…_

_            Is it?_

*

            "Yamamoto, do you have a problem with me being here?"

            Riku's glare narrowed and he nodded.  His mouth was pulled into a taut frown.

            "Then I'll just leave," Sora said, shrugging his shoulders and starting for the door.

            "Sora, no…!"  I reached after him.  I didn't want to let him go, even if that would have been the simplest solution.

            Standing by Sora no matter what…I had resolved myself to do something, and I wouldn't back down.

            "You think I'd let you go so easily?"  Riku closed the door behind him and moved forward a little, shifting his weight until he had practically assumed his old fighter stance.  I realized he was letting Sora see who was the more muscular, who was taller and stronger.  Being small as I was, they were both pretty intimidating to me, but in terms of tone and mass, Riku was clearly superior.

            "I don't understand," Sora mumbled.

            "What were you doing with Kairi?"

            "I was just giving her a present!"

            "Riku, please stop it," I ordered.  I didn't want things to get out of hand right then and there.  I moved to the door.

            "But…"  Riku seemed uneasy about going against my wishes.  He relaxed his body, but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't happy about nixing his planned interrogation with Sora.

            "I…should go…"  Sora nodded his head to me, a helpless and confused smile drawn across his face.  He nervously turned to Riku.  "I only came to give her the present."

            I gave Riku a stern look and he reluctantly obeyed me, moving from the door and allowing Sora safe passage from the apartment once the boy had on his shoes and coat.

            "'Bye you guys," Sora called uncertainly as Riku shut the door behind him.

            I went to my desk then, not looking at my remaining guest.  I wasn't exactly pleased with him at the moment.  I sat down and lit my new candle.  I studied the tiny dancer of a flame and inhaled the sweet scent of cherry blossoms.

            "Kai—"

            Riku was standing behind me.  I could feel his hesitation.

            I didn't respond to him.

            "Look, I'm sorry, okay?  It's just—"

            "What would you have done to Sora," I whispered, "if I had given you a chance?"

            "He's _dangerous_, Kairi."

            "No."  I bit my lip.

            "You have to learn to face the truth…"

            There he went, treating me like a stupid child.  "Sora would never hurt me," I declared with finality, sliding my elbows forward on the desk so the candle glowed beneath my face.

            Riku let out a long sigh and moved away.  "I hope you're right."

*

            I awoke the next morning by way of the sunlight streaming through Mom's bedroom window.  I checked the clock.  11:47 A.M.

            How in the world had I slept so late?

            Although I had gone to bed soon after Sora left, I had tossed and turned until at least five, and, after that, nightmares had pulled me from the comfort of rest countless times.  I kept seeing Sora charging with the Keyblade, and the dreams made it appear that he was coming at _me_.

            I tried—futilely—to straighten my bed head, but my hair was not in the mood to cooperate.  My wrinkled clothes were no better.  I couldn't hear anything from the door, so I headed out.

            I was home alone?

            There was something arranged neatly on the floor.  I gasped at the sight of it:  a deep indigo blue kimono whose sleeves were edged with delicate white petals.  It was the most beautiful clothing I had ever seen.  I knelt down and ran my hands along the fabric, which I found to be soft and thick.

            A door opened.  I jumped.  It was the bathroom door, and from it my mother emerged.

            "Welcome back," I said after I recovered from surprise.

            "Hi, darling," she greeting, coming over to me.  She leaned over and hugged me close.  I happily returned the embrace.

            "That is such a lovely kimono," Mom said somewhat wistfully.  "Riku always gives you the nicest gifts, doesn't he?"

            Riku had left this?  I looked again.  Next to my present was a box with its lid ajar.  Inside was a lovely obi sash the color of the formal kimono only a shade lighter.  Between its folds was nestled a small white note with the two kanji symbols for my name on it.

            "_This was going to be for New Year's_," the inside of the paper stated simply in Riku's fine, dark handwriting.

            I frowned a little, regretting that such a lavish present was there in front of me and I had felt so angry with Riku the night before.

            "We'll have to get you some new _geta_," Mom was already saying.  Unaware of my dilemma, her mind was buzzing about appropriate footwear.  "Oh, my, New Years' Eve is tomorrow, isn't it?  We'll have to go shopping today."

            "Mom…"

            "And _tabi_!  How could I forget?"  She shook her head.  "Now what was it, dear?"

            How could I hurt her by explaining that Riku and I weren't going to share our first prayer of the new year tomorrow night, and that I really didn't need special sandals and socks?

            "Okay, let's go soon," I said.  I touched my hair absently.  "Well, right after I shower."

*

            "Hi…Riku, it's me.  I, uh, I'll meet you by the southern gate…okay?"

            That was the message I had left on the answering machine Monday morning.  Now Monday was almost finished, and I was standing at the specified gate as promised.  The shrine we had planned to attend was small, but a modest crowd was growing around it.

            I wondered if Riku would come.  My mother had spent a good deal of time primping me for the occasion, and I loathed the idea of her money and hard work going to waste.  She had placed a special pearl comb in my hair after styling it.  On my wrist dangled a slim cream purse, and on my feet were white tabi socks and new geta sandals with a black thong running over my toes.

            Having nothing much to do save stand there and shiver, I reached into my purse and took out my watch.  Fifteen minutes remained before midnight.  I had been standing there shivering for over half an hour.

            Several happy young couples had trotted by, the girls struggling to balance on their elevated sandals as they followed the stone path that twisted through the trees.  The shrine was set several meters into a wooded area.  I was thankful for the streetlights brightening up the street where I waited.

            Still, I felt like the darkness was slowly creeping forward to envelop me.  It must have been my imagination, but…

            "Kairi!"

            I jumped, but then calmed myself down.  Had he come?  Had Riku really come?

           "Oh, Riku, I'm sorry about everything," I was getting ready to say.  "Thank you for the beautiful kimono."  But I couldn't say any of that to Yuffie and Aerith, now could I?  My two friends from the other realm were there, both looking unusually elegant.

            "What are you doing here?" I wondered.

            "Bringing in the new year in style, of course," Yuffie declared with a wink.  She turned around in a circle, displaying her embroidered red kimono.  Her hair was drawn up into two pigtails on the top of her head.  Also, she had sparkles in her hair and her lip gloss.

            Aerith's beauty was a little more startling.  Her kimono was a rich pink, and her hair was done up in complex braids wrapping around the back of her head.  Her dark eyelashes and deep red lips were very striking.  I could tell how absolutely gorgeous she was, and I wasn't even her husband or anything.

            Speaking of the stoic warrior, Cloud arrived with Squall and Rinoa close behind.  The men were wearing black business suits without ties, and certainly looked quite sharp.  Rinoa's kimono was baby blue and her hair was in a loose bun, with two highlighted strands falling down before her ears.  She was quiet, and had one arm securely intertwined with Squall's.

            "You want to come in with us, Kairi?" Aerith asked me, smiling gently.

            I shook my head.  "I'm waiting for Riku.  You guys go on ahead."

            "All right," the woman replied.  She gestured to the others, who were hesitating.

            I watched them leave, wondering if Yuffie had her memories back.  Why else would she be hanging around that group?

            I also wondered why they were all at this particular shrine, when it was so far from where they all lived, and when there were so many shrines and temples scattered throughout the city…

            My back was to the street when suddenly something touched my shoulder.  I spun and backed up toward the trees.  My geta got caught on the edge of the road and I began to fall.  I cried out.

            I only got as far as a soft arm, however, that had looped itself about my back.  I composed myself and then investigated the identity of my savior, who was pressing his finger against my lips to silence me.

            "Riku!  You came!"  I threw my arms up around his neck and hugged him tightly.  I had all but given up hope after waiting so long.

            He hugged me back for several long moments.  When we let go of one another, I could see he had also gone formal and traditional—he was wearing a haori coat and hakama pants, and looked quite handsome.

            "Sorry!" Riku breathed.  "I didn't get your message until late," he said, taking my hand into both of his.  "I was avoiding my house until I knew my dad left."

            Relief finished washing over me, and I grew a little more somber.  "I'm sorry too.  And…I'm really glad you came," I added quietly.  I heard a faint rustle of bells.  "They've started already!  It must be midnight!"

            "Then let's go," Riku said, laughing.  He pulled me along behind him, and I trotted carefully so as not to trip again.  I was much clumsier in my new geta than I would have liked to be.

            We were among the last to pray.  Most people had moved on, save the Shinto priests holding large lanterns to illuminate the shrine.  Riku handed me a one hundred yen coin.  I handed him my purse and stepped up to take my turn.

            First I took hold of the string of bells and ribbons and shook, summoning the local god's attention.  I then threw the coin into the offering box and took two deep bows.  I clapped once, then again, and finished with two more bows.  I prayed with all my might that this conflict we were in could be resolved, that Sora could be made normal again, that we could all go home and be happy.  This was a lot to ask for, I knew, but I was counting very much on the god's generosity.

            I took my purse back and waited while Riku prayed.  He did not spend long on the venture.  I supposed his desire must have been very concise.

            "Want to walk around a little?" Riku offered me when he returned.

            "Oh, yes," I said, my focus coming back to him.  I had been looking around for Aerith, Yuffie, and the others.  Where could they have gone?

            "I'll buy you a charm," Riku said, guiding me toward the desk where some priestesses were distributing the things.  "Which would you like?  Happiness?"

            "Mmm," I affirmed, unconsciously drawing closer to his warmth.  The night seemed to be growing steadily colder, and even the thick kimono was not enough to save my skin from going numb.

            Riku purchased the charm, which I looped around the handle of my purse for the time being.  We then moved further into the woods, as other groups of visitors were doing.

            Neither of us spoke for a while.  I had my arms situated in front of me, with all my fingers grasping the handle of my purse.  Riku's arms hung down at his sides, and he moved somewhat robotically.

            "Something the matter?" I asked at last.

            "Not really."

            That was, of course, a lie.  Plenty of things were the matter.  Sora had died and been reborn, there were Heartlesss running loose on an unprepared planet, we had memories from another place that our families couldn't accept…  But…

            "Then you should smile."

            "Hmm?"

            "If nothing's the matter, why aren't you smiling?"

            The edges of his lips curled up, just a little.  "It's nothing."

            "Tell me," I insisted, poking him gently with my elbow.

            Riku came to a slow stop.  "I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you are tonight without you getting…er…the wrong idea..."

            "You don't want me to be full of myself?" I teased, trotting up to him.

            "You know what I mean.  I don't want to...make you upset again."

            "We're _friends_, Riku," I told him earnestly.  "I'll understand!  Your feelings are your feelings…and they're important to me.  Whatever you have to say, I can handle it."

           Riku shook his head.  I could barely read his expression it was so dark.  The lanterns lining the road under the _torii_, the wooden arches leading to the temple, were few and far between.

            His smile was sad.  "But I can't have what I want.  I only hope that charm can protect your happiness…since I couldn't…"

            "Riku…?"  He spoke with such finality that it scared me.  I reached out and touched his face.  He looked so _sad_.

            "Excuse me," said a voice.  Someone was trying to pass through.  I easily recognized the voice.

            "Sora!"

            Riku moved in front of me.

            "What are you doing here _now_?" the silver-haired boy asked sternly.

            "Yamamoto, Suzuki…?"  Sora sounded startled.

            "Hi, Sora," I said nervously.  "Come to pray?"

            "Actually, I was just taking a walk…"

            "At _midnight_?" Riku shifted his weight.  He was pulling that intimidation thing again.

            "I have trouble sleeping sometimes."

            The three of us lingered awkwardly in the following silence.  I tried to move forward, but Riku was quick to block me.  That's when I knew things were really getting serious.  The confrontation from the other day had not melted, but instead had boiled and festered inside both of them.  There would be no second calm parting.

            "I want to talk to you now, Sora," Riku began in a low voice.

            "Then talk to me."

            "Not the you you get to be in this world.  I want to talk to the you I used to know—the Sora I last saw at Kingdom Hearts."

            Kingdom Hearts?

            "No.  _Riku_," I pleaded, hurrying so I stood between the two of them.  "Don't bring that up!"  I alone knew what that hidden Sora was capable of, and I didn't want him and Riku to clash then.  I didn't want them to fight at all!  Hadn't there been enough of that already?

            "Kingdom…Hearts…"

            Sora's voice was ethereal.  I dared to look at his face, and soon my eyes became unwillingly locked on him as the terror inside me grew.  Even in the nearly complete darkness, I could see his expression twisting ever so slowly, and his very irises growing steadily darker until they no longer were the fair color of the summer sea, but an intense black.

            I could sense Riku tensing behind me.  He was probably regretting his mistake.

            And he understood, just as I did, that it was now too late.

            "_Where is my Keyblade_?" Sora screamed, throwing his arms out.  He was glowing just slightly—just the faintest red—and I could feel the pure energy radiating from his body.  I backed into Riku and felt his body quivering against my back.

            "What's happening to him?" Riku breathed.

            "I don't know," I whimpered.

            Suddenly, Sora's fist was clenched around my collar.  He pulled me up so I was balancing precariously on the ends of my toes.  "Where is it?  Give it back to me!"

            "I don't know!" I cried, my eyes fleeing so they would not have to endure the horror that was his furious face.

            "You were with me when it disappeared!  _I need it!_"

            Sora threw me back.  Riku intercepted me as my body raced for the ground.  That made the second time he had saved me that night.

            "Leave her alone," he threatened, guiding me to stand behind him.  

            _Don't provoke him_, I pleaded inside my mind.  _Riku, calm down or Sora'll get even worse!_

            Sora's face melted from a fiery scowl into a frown more repressed and sullen.  "I want it back," he repeated a few times, rocking back and forth as he transferred his weight from foot to foot.  "It's mine, you know.  Mine.  And I _will_ get it back."

            "What do you need a Keyblade for?" Riku asked, taking a more diplomatic approach.  I felt slightly relieved.  "This is Japan, not Hollow Bastion!"

            Sora crossed his arms.  "That's not the point."

            "Then what is?"

            "The point?"  Sora approached him, raising one arm and pointing a seemingly twisted and threatening finger at Riku's throat.  "The _point_ is that that Keyblade is mine—not hers, not yours, and not any of those damned Heartless'!  It.  Is.  _Mine!_"

            Before I knew it, Riku's arms were flying up to block Sora's attack, and the two of them were on the ground, kicking and punching one another, probably being impaled by the rough stone of the path.

            "Stop it!" I screamed, throwing my arms forward.

            That action itself was a mistake I didn't see coming.

            The Oathkeeper began to materialize in my hands.  I realized what was happening and my skin finished turning to ice.  The sparks were flying down from my palms, more than bright enough in that midnight hour to get the boys' attention.

            "You _do_ have it!" Sora shouted gleefully.  He found an extra burst of energy and threw Riku off the path before launching himself to his feet.

            He was coming after me…?

            "_GET OUT OF HERE!_" Riku roared, leaping up behind the charging Sora.  I backed out the door and slammed it shut.  Riku's arms wrapped about Sora's neck in a tight chokehold, yanking the boy back.

            What I saw last as I retreated were Sora's eyes.

            They were burning with hatred.

***

Hey everyone!  3,000 words of Codename goodness for all you patient, patient readers out there!  I realize it has been a month since my last update, but I've been bogged down in the Reformation, the Revolutionary mind, force equations, sine and cosine curves, and about a million other exciting things.  Actually, I'm not being sarcastic.  I'm enjoying school, it just keeps me busy ^^

I have a treat for you all!  Some artwork for Codename!  There's a sketch of Riku in his haori and hakama (you know, the pants that Kenshin wears?), a colored version of Kairi in her seifuku (student uniform), and just a random sketch with Kairi and Riku.  I'm planning to draw all the girls in their kimono too.  I know I can't draw worth crap, but I have all these ideas bubbling around in my head and I feel inspired to get them down on paper in more than one way!  Go to my profile for links ^^

I hope the lessons can return, but I spent several hours writing and editing…and I don't have another hour/hour and a half to do quality research.  Do the crappy sketches make up for it?  X_x


	13. Fight

*

_            The key to fighting doesn't lie in skill or strength._

_            It is, instead, in the motivations behind your attack._

_            But what happens, I wonder, when you have lost your will to fight?_

*

            "Go away, just go away!" I tried ordering the stupid Keyblade.  Its weight was slowing me down considerably.  I swung it over one shoulder as my geta-clad feet thundered out of the woods and into the city.  Somehow I didn't trip and end up with a face full of cement, but such a concern sat at the bottom of my list of worries.

            The Keyblade refused to be dismissed, no matter how hard I wished.  The thing was probably out so I could protect myself with it, but that was ridiculous.  I was no good with weapons; I never had been.  I just was never interested.

            I was particularly disinterested in learning how to wield a weapon at that moment.  I was now on the dark and narrow walled roads, ascending and descending the hilly landscape.  I was heading in no particular direction, save away from Sora.

            Away from Sora.  I _hated_ to run from him—and in such terror—but I knew that the lust for the Keyblade was driving him toward something…something bad…

            If he had the Keyblade in his hands once more, what would he do?

            I couldn't risk finding out.

            I don't know how long I ran, or for how far.  The world was a blur:  house, tree, streetlight, and shadow mixed together before my eyes.  Each time I heard a noise, my legs only pumped faster.  I almost tripped and stopped long enough to kick off the clunky geta sandals.  For those few seconds, the fear within me swelled.  I couldn't risk looking back, so I only could wonder:  was Sora right behind?

            I switched the Keyblade to my other shoulder, trying to be careful and yet quick.  I didn't want to slice my back open or anything, but I desired even less to fall prey to a possible pursuer.

           Running had loosened my kimono a little so the clothing didn't impede my journey too much.  I would have removed it entirely to preserve its beautiful fabric, but I could only offer a prayer for its safety.  There was simply not enough _time_.

            Running…it got me thinking.  Back on Destiny Islands, I had only jogged behind Sora and Riku.  They had such a competition going, I didn't want to crush their pride by zooming right past them in their races.  I didn't mind a casual pace so much, and I had time to myself to race across the beach almost as the predator birds did over the vast ocean.  I could really lose myself while I was running, especially when I was running fast.

            After I lost them both, I had run more and more.  Not wanting to be immersed in sadness, I concentrated on flying across the ground.  I could leave the loneliness behind, racing so far ahead of it.

            But, somehow, it had always managed to catch up with me.

            Presently, I slowed down to make a turn.  My legs chose this moment of brief respite to announce their torment.  They roared with the pain of exhaustion before turning to jelly beneath me.  I stumbled into a wall, my hot cheek hitting the rough stone.  I breathed the cold air and it stung my exhausted lungs.  Again and again I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled.  My heart beat angrily within my ribcage.  My arm slipped downward and the base of the Keyblade came to rest on the ground. 

            I was terrified, of course.  My heart drummed on and as my lungs burned.  I knew I had to keep going or something bad would catch up with me.

            I had never much care for the end of a run.  It gave me time to think, gave whatever was after me a chance to close up the distance between us.

            There was a streetlight only steps away, but in front of me the road seemed especially black.  My thoughts drew themselves into neat order.  My exhausted lungs prepared to issue a cry.

            I clenched my free hand over my mouth to prevent the scream that was fighting so desperately to be released.  I backed up against the wall, lifting the Keyblade in front of me.  It bounced up and down, as my hand was shaking terribly, so I wrapped my other fingers around the handle.  Wielding the thing two-handed, I tried to prepare myself for what was sure to take form from the ground at any moment, ready to take advantage of me in my weakened state.

            Shadows…their antennae were poking through the surface of the road already.  There were several pairs of the stringy black sensors.  More than I had expected.

            And probably…more than I could handle.

            My breathing was heavy and deliberate as I tried to regain my confidence.  What was there to this whole fighting thing, anyway?  All I had to do was swing the weapon around—it was so bulky and heavy, it had to do _something_ to ward off those annoying little Shadows.

            Their heads had finished emerging now.  Their glowing eyes were all fixed on me as their bodies completed the transformation from puddle to creature.  They all titled their heads inquiringly as one.

            I charged, swinging the Keyblade in a low, wide arc with as much strength as I could muster.

            I was too slow.  They jumped back, squeaking, dancing on their little feet.

            Not fair.  I ran and swung, still low but a lot faster.  The blade grazed some of my enemies, but momentum from my attack carried me in a dizzying circle.  I must have been a sight, turning around at the whim of the insubordinate Keyblade.

            The Keychain, the little paopu fruit ornament I had given Sora, bounced against my hands.  In his own way, Sora had fulfilled his promise:  he had brought my charm back to me.  Now I would fulfill the promise I made concerning him, the promise to be on his side.  In my mind, that now translated to keeping the Keyblade safe until Sora could be made better.

            "Yaaahhh!"  I stopped abruptly in my turn and flew the other way, trying to catch my little squeaking opponents off guard.  It worked.  I nailed two of them.

            "_Yatta_!" was my inward cry of pleasure.  _I did it!_

            A throng of five or so Heartless was gathering at my right.  Were they readying for a combination attack?  I wouldn't let them try anything like that!  I took one second to adjust my kimono, to loosen it so my steps could be wide and fast.  I then struck right down the center of the bunch, destroying half the elements of the pyramid.

            The confidence within me steadily grew, shooting up with each victory on my part.  Perhaps it was growing dangerously high, but the adrenaline pulsing through me dissolved the common sense I usually possessed.

            I would soon pay for that.

            All of a sudden the fingerlike blades at the end of the Oathkeeper became lodged under the chin of one monster.  I tried to tug it out, but the thing glared at me with its malevolent yellow eyes, reached up with both hands and grabbed on tight.  I knew I had waltzed myself elegantly right into a trap, but there was no easy escape now.  There was certainly no way I would drop the Keyblade now and let them have it!

           My mind searched itself over as other Heartless materialized from the pavement.  As soon as they had solid form, they marched their halting walk toward me, antennae waving, feet squeaking.  They seemed bigger when they were not a blade's distance away from me.  They seemed larger and more real.

            "Let go!" I shouted, issuing a pull with as much force as I could manage behind it.  No good.  Two other Heartless joined their dying friend and held on to my only weapon, their eyes just as mocking as their friend's—perhaps more so.

            It struck me how terribly inhumane their battle strategy was.  The Shadow in the middle was sacrificing itself, drawing my weapon further and further into its own body, for the sake of the group, none of which, by the way, showed a drop of remorse.  In fact, they never once glanced at the Heartless that had first trapped me.

            They were truly without hearts…  What a perfect fighting force they were!  They were a fleet of weapons with no regard for their own welfare or that of their partners.  Each cared for the success of the group only.  They were performing a mission somehow programmed into them, and that was it.

            Their mission now was, of course, to defeat me and secure the Keyblade.  I was well aware of Sora's problems on his first adventure.  The Heartless had kept up their pursuit of him as long as he had held the weapon that now had found itself into my hands.

            "_Wherever I go, you're right behind me!_" Sora had shouted at the Heartless at the church with more anger than I had ever heard him invoke previously.  Now it was my turn to take the constant ambushes Darkness had to offer its opponents.

            I was pulled from these thoughts by a sheer and sudden pain.

            The source of this pain was a large gash across my right thigh, one that pulsed out dark red blood.  My attackers had managed to rip away the layers of kimono guarding my leg, expose the skin, and dig their claws down through the flesh in a matter of seconds.  An efficient army they certainly were.

            Crying out, I rocketed backward, pulling the Oathkeeper up above my head and letting it swing in the air as I tried desperately to regain my balance.  I did not want to fall into the pile of Heartless gathering ever so eagerly about me.  They would take me to the depths of Darkness, the resting place for their blackened souls.  They would devour me…make me one of them…take me away from everyone I cared for…

            My thoughts were blurring, probably due to the loss of blood.

            I had two choices wavering in front of my eyes.  I could either let the Heartless take me right then and there, or I could instead fight to delay that fate, perhaps long enough for some miracle to occur.  Certainly a miracle was all that could save me now.

            My fresh wound continued to scream with pain.  I told it to shut up.

            I made several large, powerful swings and backed away from the cloud of enemies.  The Heartless were then forced to regroup.  That gave me enough time to raggedly cut a long piece from the underclothes worn under the kimono.  I tied it as tight as I could right above my wound, trying to ignore the hot blood soaking my clothes and running down both legs.

            From here, and basically one-legged (as my right was quickly going limp), I bent down low and began to take down the Heartless one by one.  I did all of this very fast; I knew it was only a matter of minutes before I could no longer walk, and only a matter of seconds after that for the Shadows to seize the opportunity to commandeer the Keyblade from my weakening grasp.

            In the back of my head I knew the effort was in vain.  The more Heartless I destroyed, the more that either rose from the ground or appeared from behind the walls to take their place.  But I couldn't stop fighting.  I couldn't give up.  I had to keep slashing, even if my swings grew slower and less accurate, even if I was so soon overwhelmed and within two or three minutes twenty Heartless were squeaking and dancing around me, mocking me with their glowing yellow eyes.

            I had obviously known very little about tourniquets, evidenced by my right leg, which might as well have been dead at that point; it was turning purple, and now dragged along the ground behind me.

            I finally collapsed to my left knee, my breathing hard and painful as I sucked in the cold night air.  I felt a little ill; the scent of my blood was strong.  I was sure the Heartless smelled it too.  It probably filled their evil little minds with glee.  I brought the Keyblade closer, trying to shield it against my chest.

            One Heartless lunged toward me.  My head retracted instinctively, but my mind and body were, in truth, much too tired to formulate and execute a counterattack.  I could not doubt my fate now.

            The Shadow suddenly shot to the right.  It hit the ground, crying out with its last breath.  My eyes narrowed to inspect its chest.  I saw several fine points of metal sticking out of it.

            "Shuriken …" I recognized.

            Several more of the silver ninja stars came down in a storm, each finding its home in the middle of a Heartless chest.  The Heartless fell back, most dying within moments.  I realized that most of my opponents had been destroyed.  And by whom, I was most sure.  It was only a matter of locating her…

           My eyes found Yuffie atop one of the stone walls next to a streetlight.  She had hiked up her red kimono and tied it into big knots at either knee to reveal thin, muscular legs.  The long sleeves of the young woman's dress were also rolled and knotted.  She grinned down at me, stopping only to procure a few more of her deadly pinwheel blades and fling them with a fast and precise throw into two additional Heartless.

            I used the Oathkeeper as a crutch to help me stand, and, once I had done so, I had to shut my eyes.  Two blinding circles of light were quickly approaching.  After the light came the screeching of brakes.  My eyes adjusted and I saw a low, thin black car stopped right in front of me.  Out of it climbed Squall, Cloud, Rinoa, and Aerith, all still clad in their festival clothes.  These four, as well as Yuffie, proceeded to form a circle around me.

            Aerith took my body against her and embraced me.  She then procured a bottle from within a sleeve of her kimono and had me drink its contents, all the while apologizing for not having her magic in this world.

            "Why did you insist on getting out and running ahead?" Squall was scolding Yuffie, who had, up until he spoke, looked quite pleased with herself.  She glared at her teacher and now, once again, comrade.

            "No," I breathed, and everyone's attention turned to me.  "She saved my life..."

            Yuffie tilted her head in concern.  "Hey, Kai-chan, ya gonna be okay?"

            I managed a nod.

            We all looked up:  it had started to rain, cold and steady all at once.  When had the sky grown cloudy?  I hadn't had a chance to notice.

            "We should get her inside somewhere," Rinoa said, shifting her weight and crossing her arms.  Her dark and worried eyes journeyed from the brown-haired solider at her side to me.

            "There's probably still some Heartless around," Squall said.  He reached inside his coat pocket to retrieve his car keys.  He delivered them into his girlfriend's open palm.  "You girls take her to…"

            "To our place," Cloud broke in, his serious eyes meeting his wife's for a second.  He turned his back to us.  "Squall, Yuffie, let's go."

            They left, marching determinedly down the street.  The rest of us piled into the car.   Rinoa took the wheel, and Aerith sat beside her after she helped me limp into the back.  I fastened my seatbelt while trying to sort out my confused thoughts.  As we started to drive, something like a sack of lead slumped over my lap.

            I soon discovered it was an unconscious Riku.

***

I promise there will be a lesson on kimono as well as pictures of your favorite characters wearing them next chapter…!


	14. Nowhere

*

            _The longer a secret is kept, the bigger the pain it causes._

_            Because, you know, no one can conceal the truth forever._

*

            The windshield wipers sped back and forth, back and forth, disturbing the sheets of rain that poured continuously down.  It was dark inside the car.  I would not have known that it was really Riku draped over me—so limp, almost lifeless—save the fact I recognized him by his scent, something I had inhaled as recently as a few hours before, when, behind the shrine, I had stood close to him as he told me such cryptic things.

            "_I only hope that charm can protect your happiness…since I couldn't…_"__

            So the rain continued to fall, and I persisted in ignoring it.  I was still shocked after finding Riku's muscular form collapsed against my comparatively frail one.  I was weak where he was strong.  Why, then, wasn't _I_ the one fallen against _him_?

            Scenes emerged in my mind, although I did my best to will them away.  They came just the same, showing me my two best friends wrestling as mortal enemies.  I shivered then, not because of my cold, rain-soaked body, but because of those images.  I saw the battle play out through its finish, an easy task since I already knew the victor.

            And the loser…he had gone down trying to protect me…

            Rinoa must have sensed something, either that or felt some chill of her own, for she diverted one hand from the steering wheel to click on the heater.  Warm air blew over us.  I took little notice of it, though I'm sure it felt quite nice.

            Aerith turned around as best she could (the seatbelt restricted her) in order to face me.  She directed me to loosen my shabbily made tourniquet for the sake of my leg.  I did as was asked, noticing at the same time the state of my clothes.  The kimono was ruined, the majority of it shred to pieces.  Never again would those silvery white petals seem so peaceful against the indigo background.  They were now stained with a mixture of blood and dirt splashed up by the rain.

            I happened to glance back up.  I could tell by Aerith's silhouette that she was studying me carefully.  Most likely an expression of pity dominated her face.  Knowing this, I was glad for the darkness.

            "How is your leg?"

            "A little better," I replied truthfully.  Sensation was gradually flowing back into it.  I could feel pain, but it wasn't as sharp as before.  I figured I could probably walk on my leg when I had too, even though it might be difficult.  Riku…both Rinoa and Aerith would be needed to carry him anywhere.

            Riku wasn't moving at all now.  He definitely wasn't going to go very far on his own.  Every so often I could feel his warm, moist breath against my forearm, but that was the only sign he was even alive.

            "Shouldn't we get him to a hospital?" I asked suddenly.

            Aerith gave a start.

            "This world…they don't have magic, but they have technology, right?  They could help him!"

            "And what do you propose we tell the doctors?" Rinoa broke in, her voice cynical.  I could already tell how stressed she was by the way her fingers clenched the steering wheel, but her comment cemented my impression of her mood.

            Aerith, as usual, was gentler.  "The hospital is a last resort," she told me.  "The doctors will be able to tell that his wounds came from a fight, and they will have to tell the police."

            "The police?  Why?"

            "So they could catch the guy who did it."  Rinoa slowed down for a red light.  We were approaching a more populated part of the city now.

            I was quiet for a moment.

            "Yes, they would go after Sora—" Aerith said.

            So they wanted to protect Sora?

            "—who probably would become even more violent, and toward innocent people who have nothing to do with this conflict."

            I remained quiet, and inside I grew yet number.  For one instant I let my hopes soar and now my disappointment had me speeding toward a crash landing with earth.  Of course they wouldn't change their minds!  They were all about missions and completing their duty.

            As the car started moving again, Riku's head began to slide off my leg.  With a little effort, I pulled his body back up and hugged him close to me.  For now, at least, I needed to think about him.  I couldn't get too angry with Aerith and the others.

            It was all right for now.  I didn't doubt I would Sora again, and soon.

            Now that he knew I had the Keyblade, he _was_ after me, wasn't he?

*

            I didn't really sleep, but instead dozed somewhat.  When I came to my senses, we were parked outside some kind of all-night store.  I looked throught the tinted window and saw Aerith hurrying through the rain with a plastic sack in her hand.  Momentarily she was again seated in the car, and Rinoa began to drive.

            "Did you get the bandages?" she asked.

            "Yes."

            I doubted they knew I was awake, for they began to talk rather candidly.

            "If she was fighting all those Heartless monsters," Rinoa started, "then how come nobody noticed?  How come nobody came out to see what was going on?  How come they didn't even call the police?"

            Aerith reflected for a few moments.  When she spoke, her voice was low and serious.  "They're scared, Rinoa.  Don't you remember how we felt when Hollow Bastion was first taken over?  It—"

            "We were kids then," dismissed the driver.  "Irresponsible and naïve."

            Aerith shook her head.  "I don't think it has to do with that so much.  I have observed that it's basically the same on any world.  When the Heartless start coming, no one knows what to do.  These people, if they had any idea that it was the Heartless attacking, were probably terrified, just like us." 

            "This world is not like ours at all!"  The black-haired woman paused.  She said next, and darkly, "If Hollow Bastion fell so easily, do you think this place has any chance?"

            "Maybe the differences will turn out to be for the better, Rinoa."

            "Maybe…"

            "As it was before, we only need to work together.  At least Kairi has the Keyblade now.  If we put our strength behind her—"

            "Do you think she's strong enough, Aerith?"

            I did my best not to move in response to their comments.  It was a difficult thing.

            "Mmhmm," Aerith murmured.  "She must have the strongest heart in this world right now, since the Keyblade went to her.  I was a little surprised that the boy, Riku, didn't get it, though…"  She turned around in her seat and laid a hand on his cheek.  I closed my eyes until I heard her turn back.

            Rinoa wondered, "_Should_ we take him to a hospital?"

            "He's not unconscious now, only asleep.  That's a good sign."

            Indeed, Riku's breaths had grown deeper and more frequent.

            "But…"  Rinoa paused.  "Kairi only cares about Sora, right?"

            "It is a problem," the other woman replied.  "Still, I do not believe she cares _only_ for him—of course she cares for her other friend as well."

            "But she blew up at us so bad before when we told her about Sora!  In the end, will she really fight with us?"

            "I can only pray, Rinoa.  But I know that she will do what her heart leads her to do."

            When she said that, because of the way she said it, I knew she was fully aware I was listening.  Rinoa must have caught on, too; she checked the rearview mirror and focused on me for a few seconds.

            We pulled into the driveway of Cloud and Aerith's house not long after the abrupt end to the women's conversation.  I was "awakened" and helped out of the car.  I went to stand on the back door step, as I had been directed, and watched the outlines of Rinoa and Aerith assist the sleeping outline of the injured Riku.

            He awoke when the cold rain hit his face, and gave a confused shout.  Aerith shushed him immediately, whispering something to calm him.  When they came to the door, Riku lifted his eyes to focus on me.  I smiled at him weakly.  He returned the gesture before slipping from consciousness once more.

*

            I washed all the blood away.

            Then I climbed into the heated bathtub and enjoyed maybe half an hour's relaxation in the scented water.  Aerith had added a mixture of herbs she said would be beneficial to my body and spirit.  She spoke the truth; I did feel more peaceful.

            I dried myself thoroughly and dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, clothing too big for me as it was the tall, slender Aerith who had loaned it.  The washing, drying, and dressing took some time since I didn't have enough faith in my leg to stand on it for very long.

            The clock in the hallway told me it was almost three in the morning.  I felt tired, but I had no wish for sleep.  There was too much to worry about.  I limped to the living room.

            Riku was stretched out on the couch, Aerith kneeling on the floor beside him wiping down his face.  They had helped him into fresh clothes and wrapped his body in a heavy blue comforter.  His hair was pulled back to reveal a badly bruised face.  I cringed at the sight of it.

            Upon noticing me, Aerith rose.  The present deepness of her emerald eyes betrayed the sadness the woman felt.  There were dark circles under her eyes as well.

            "Could I sit with him for a while?" I asked.

            "Sure," she told me, handing off the damp cloth as I approached.  She paused in this gesture when our hands touched, those tired eyes of hers studying me with concern.            Feeling a little uncomfortable, I took the washcloth from her and nestled into my new seat, first moving Riku's head so that I could sit under it.  His features contorted for a moment, then relaxed once his head rested again on my good leg.

            For several minutes after, Aerith bustled around, first bringing me tea, then turning on a small light at my side and turning off the overhead one.  At last, I begged her to go rest, but she still approached the stereo system under the window and got a melancholy song playing to sooth us.

            "Good night, Aerith."

            She nodded at me and withdrew, closing the door behind her.  Her footsteps melted away as she went to relax in her own bath.  The music began to play, faint and sweet.  First there was an instrumental song, and next the C.D. changed to one with words.  For some reason, the lyrics resounded within me.  I reflected upon them, at the same time quietly sipping my tea.

_can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?_

_we just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river_

            I put the cup down and began to comb through Riku's damp hair with my fingers, carefully avoiding the various abrasions and bruises on his head.  They hurt to look at, even if the wounds seemed on their way to recovery.  Perhaps Aerith had gotten Riku to swallow some of her potion.

            I composed a mental apology to my friend, but dared not speak it aloud.  If I spoke, it might wake him, and I would feel even more ashamed.  He had been injured in a fight to protect me—after every blow of rejection I had dealt him.

            Poor Riku…

_we are always on the way to find the place we belong_

_wandering to nowhere, we're paddling_

_down the raging sea_

            My friend did awaken then.  Perhaps it was the music.  Perhaps it touched his heart, too.

            When I saw his eyes, I was surprised:  they were clear and bright.  His voice, however, was strained.

            "Kairi…?"  Riku's arm lifted, he untangled it from the covers.  I took it, wrapped my fingers around his.

            He squeezed my hand tightly.

            I squeezed back.

            "You're…all right…"

            "Yes, I'm just fine," I said.  It was hard to look down upon him and fight my tears at the same time.

            Why did my body want to cry?  Relief, fatigue, guilt…?

_who can cross over such raving wind and water?_

_on the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness_

_come by an island, come by a hillock,_

_it's just another place, we paddle on_

_down the raging sea_

            "You sad, Kairi?"

            "A little."

            "Yeah," Riku said.  His eyes were losing their sharpness.

            "Go back to sleep," I murmured, stroking his hair again.

            "Mmm…"  He closed his eyes, allowed his head to slip so his cheek pressed into my palm.  He squeezed my hand again before his grip loosened, before his breathing slowed again to the gentle rhythm of sleep.  He seemed more at peace than before.

            The melody filling the room grew.  I listened carefully to the next few words:

_but in one morning we'll see the sun_

_bright shining morning dew singing_

_they who will search will find the land_

_of evergreen_

            I thought then I might turn off the light.  I was quite comfortable where I was and now, feeling Riku would be all right, I was content enough to rest.  I groped the table beside me for the light switch.  My hands first found something else.  I looked and discovered it to be a manila file folder, like the ones my mother brought home from work sometimes.

            I held it up and began to bring it over to look at, but I accidentally was holding the thing upside down and the contents promptly slid out onto the floor.  I let go of Riku's hand so I could scoop them up, finding the papers to be photocopies of newspaper articles.  I leaned over to the light with one.

            "_Father, Daughter Die in Tragic Airplane Crash_," was the headline of the short story.  In the background, the sweet song was drawing to a close.  I started scanning the article, wondering why it was important enough for Cloud or Aerith to copy and file away.

_can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?_

_we just keep paddling down the sea, up the river_

            "Businessman Suzuki Kazuo and fifteen-year-old daughter Aiko were among those killed in the recent Japan Skies crash in the mountains of northern Honshu….  They were on their way to join wife and mother Suzuki Sakura just outside Tokyo.  Mrs. Suzuki, who had taken an earlier flight in order to visit her parents, has reportedly been driven to the point of near insanity due to this huge loss.  She is now being treated at an undisclosed mental institution in the Tokyo area…."

_no destination, but we are together_

            The paper fell from my hand to the floor.  My eyes next found next to its landing spot a photograph of a grinning family.  Smiling father and mother were embracing smiling daughter.  The parents I recognized easily, and the girl too.  How could I not have known her, this Suzuki Aiko?

            I had stolen her life.

_in the silent sadness we're paddling_

_down the raging sea_

_down to nowhere_

[ "To Nowhere" is sung by Yuki Kajiura and can be found on the .hack//SIGN OST 2. ]

***

Go through my profile to the omake section of my website.  I put up a sketch of Aerith, Yuffie, and Rinoa from Chapter 12.  I plan to fix it up and color it.

_Kimono Lesson_ (a longer version will appear on my Japan website, which I finally have begun work on):

Kimono.  I'm sure everyone has heard that word a lot.  The word kimono simply translates to "clothing," but things, of course, get much more complex than that.  There are many different types of kimono.

Today, not many Japanese wear kimono on a regular basis.  They are reserved for festivals, weddings, etc.

The type of kimono worn depends on many things.  Kimono patterns change with the seasons—light, bright colors are for spring and summer, with seasonal flowers or fruits, while darker fabrics featuring things like bamboo or plum blossoms are worn in winter.  For summer festivals, _yukata_, or light cotton kimono, are worn.  For more formal events, a young, unmarried woman will wear a _furisode_, which has long sleeves that sometimes reach as far as the ankles.  A married or older woman will wear the short-sleeved _tomesode_.  The furisode usually have more vibrant patterns than the tomesode.  Men's kimono, which are also worn only for special events, usually feature masculine themes like dragons or the fish koi.


	15. Change

*

_            Even if we can someday get home…_

_            Nothing will ever be the same, will it?_

_            Because we ourselves have changed…_

*

            "Kairi?"

            Without thinking, I turned from the window.

            Riku's body jolted upward.  "You're—crying—?"

            Rivers of tears, warm and wet, were flowing steadily down my face.  I could not stop them and made no attempt to do so.  I merely stood there, my hands hanging at my sides, and stared passively at my startled friend.

            Riku's face suddenly contorted with pain—the shock of rising so quickly caught up with him.  He squeezed his eyes shut and his mouth compressed into a grimace.  One of his hands rose up to hold his head.

            "Go back to sleep," I wanted to tell him, but my lips did not move.  I was standing there, feeling nothing at all, not even the remorse I knew I should be buried under.

            I was just…_numb_.

            The boy clenched his teeth and started to move.  Riku planted his feet on the floor, then edged forward to slide off the couch and stand.  He was approaching me before I knew it.  He stood over me, teetering back and forth just slightly.

            My eyes did not move:  they stared straight ahead, into his chest.

            Riku's hand cupped my chin and he gently pulled my head so that I had to look up at him.  The sorrow in his aqua eyes began to chip away at my frozen heart.  "Kairi," he whispered.  "What's wrong?"

            I turned my head one way and then the other.  I still could not speak.

            "Please don't lie to me."

            My body only shook with silent sobs.

            "I…"  His eyes left my face.  "Please."

            "I can't tell you, I'm sorry," I said at last.

            His head swiveled around instantly at the sound of my breaking voice.  "What can't you tell me?"

            I shook my head again.  "No."

            "I can't stand up anymore.  C'mere."  He took my hand and we both went to sit on the couch.  Everything in the house was dark and quiet, and the movements the two of us made seemed to be in slow motion.  Even as Riku spread the blanket over my lap, I swear I could not feel it.

            _It's like I'm not alive!_ I thought, beginning to panic.  I threw myself against Riku, pressing my body to his side, wrapping my arms about him.  I let my cheek rest on his chest and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

            There.  I heard his heart beat.  I felt his warmth against my skin.  I was alive, and so was he.  The world wasn't an illusion.

            "Why are you so afraid?" Riku wondered softly.  His arms came down around me and he held me closer against him.

            I could feel again; the numbness was losing its hold on me.  My heart became aware and it ached within my chest.  I wanted to tell Riku the truth, but at the same time I knew I could not.

            "I…I want to take care of you," Riku told me.

            I dared to raise my eyes to his face, which was aimed straight ahead.  I raised one hand and let my fingers graze the surface of one of his bruises.  "But you're the one who's hurt."

            "Aerith gave me plenty of potion, and I think it's working.  I'm fine now, Kairi."

            I could have laughed.  We were sitting there, smiling fake smiles and assuring one another with transparent lies.

            Riku began to run his fingers through my hair, holding my head to his chest.  I needed him then—more than I had ever needed anyone before.

            "The world seems so strange," I confessed.  "Everything is so…unreal…"

            "Have you slept at all?"

            "No."

            "Maybe you just need to rest."

            "I wish it was that easy."

            Riku reached over and turned off the small light.  It was completely dark in the room now.  "Just rest," he said.

            "I—can't…"  My sobs began with renewed vigor.  Each time I closed my eyes I saw the photograph of Aiko.  Whenever I happened to brush against my own skin I knew it did not rightfully belong to me.

            My place in this world had been commandeered, not created, as I had always so foolishly believed…

            "Kairi, I wish you trusted me."

            If I concentrated enough, I could see fuzzy memories…right up until the moment Aiko passed away beneath the bright florescent lights of the hospital operating room…

            "I don't want to die," I cried into his chest.

            He shushed me, holding my face again with his hand.  His grasp was firm but gentle.  "You won't die."

            "But…"  The fear that comes with the moment of death was racing through me.

            Riku pulled me against him.  I disappeared within his embrace—happily.  At that moment, the thing I desired least was to exist.  I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel…  In that darkness, I became nothing, and I sensed nothing save Riku's warmth.

            I continued to push closer to him, grasping desperately at his shirt.

            "You won't die," he repeated.  "I would never let it happen."

            The night Riku's father had rejected him, I had held the boy in my arms as long as he needed.  Riku was now returning the favor.  He held me until I slept.

            Friends we truly were.

*

            Mom called the next day.  Yuffie answered while I panicked.  I could _not_ speak to her now, not when I knew the truth.  I would have loved nothing more than to collapse into the woman's arms and let her console me as she always had.  But she was not mine to love and cherish so; she was a dead girl's parent, and she cared for me only because she had been brainwashed into thinking I was Aiko.

            Yuffie frowned sadly at me, but she was quick to make up an excuse.

            "I'm sorry, Suzuki-san, but Kairi's in the shower right now.  I haven't seen her for a while, so I would really like to hang out with her today.  Is that okay?"  There was a pause.  "Awesome.  Well, talk to ya later!"  She placed the receiver back in its cradle and looked at me.

            "Thank you," I breathed.

            Squall and Cloud had arrived in the very early hours of the morning, sometime after I had fallen asleep.  Yuffie showed up at around eleven.  She had gone home for a while after their patrol last night.

            Now it was almost noon.  I was sitting quietly on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest.  Everyone was in other parts of the house, save Yuffie, who had just rescued me from an unpleasant phone call.  She came over now and sat down.

            "Hey, what's the matter?  Why couldn't you talk to your mom?"

            I shook my head and prepared myself for the lie.  "I was afraid she'd be mad at me for being at so late."

            Yuffie clapped me on the back jovially.  "She wasn't mad, she was just worried."

            I nodded and forced a fake smile of relief to surface on my face.

            Yuffie peered at me.  "Aw, what's the matter, Kai?"

            "N-Nothing," I said, this lie much less convincing than the first.

            "I know ev'rything is difficult with Sora 'n all, but you're strong enough to get through it, don't worry."

            Sora.  I hadn't thought about Sora in all those hours since my discovery last night!

            Yuffie gave me a quick hug.  "Let's get you into some clean clothes, okay?  Then we can go hang out!"

            We did go out, despite fate, destiny, and everything else.  Cleans clothes—another outfit courtesy of Aerith—were arranged for me, and then Yuffie and I visited a shopping district close by.  We tried on various clothing at a fashionable store, each deciding on one item for ourselves—a shirt for Yuffie and a dress for me—and then stopped at a small café to rest the bodies shopping had tired.

            The place was a small shop, and its interior was paneled with wood.  A kiosk of a counter was in the center, where all the drinks and snacks were prepared and sold.  Around it were scattered several small, round tables with stools, each perfect for an intimate chat.  I decided I liked the café—it smelled pleasantly of cedar, and was bright and airy.  There was a variety of artwork decorating the walls, framed pieces by local artists.  The one on the wall behind Yuffie portrayed the swirling ocean under a twilight sky.  It was very beautiful, and I stared into it when my companion got up to pick up our order.

            I reached into my pocket and let my fingers slide over the glossy surface of the photograph, just to make sure it was still there.  The coziness of the café allowed me to keep a leash on my emotions; otherwise, I surely would have broken down again right then and there.

            The colors of my world that day were especially stark, the contrasts between light and dark extreme.  There was a chill I possessed that I could not shake, and yet I ignored it all to play along in the game that so often is life.  I had already crumpled under the pressures loaded upon me and now I was forced to function by any means possible.

            So I had been vain and picked out a dress I believed was complimentary to my figure, so I had been greedy and ordered only the most delicious of teas and the sweetest of chocolate cookies.

            Yuffie returned with our steaming mugs and treats.  She had chosen a muffin for herself and went about eating it right away.  I pulled a bite-sized piece from my cookie and tentatively placed it in my mouth.  It was delicious.

            "How was it to get your memories back?" I asked.

            Yuffie straightened, apparently surprised.  "Interesting," she replied after a second's hesitation.

            "Interesting?"  I tore off another piece of cookie.

            "I just kinda woke up a couple days ago knowing I had this other life.  I went and found the Squall and Aerith and told 'em."  She looked up from her tea, which she had been stirring.  "What else was I supposed ta do?"

            I shrugged.

            "Anyway," Yuffie said, her eyes shining and her fingers on one hand clenching into a fist.  "It's been too long since I got to use _shuriken_!"  A metallic sparkle appeared between two of her fingers.  She grinned and made it melt back into her hand.

            I took the painted ceramic mug into both of my hands and held it up to puff away the steam rising from the liquid inside.  The cup was a lustrous dark blue, and felt good beneath my chilled fingers.

            Yuffie planted one elbow on the table, and then her head rather pointedly on the connected hand.  She stared out the window into the hustle of the winter afternoon.

            "What?" I inquired softly, not wishing to be alone with my unsettling thoughts.

            "It's gonna be so _weird_," she declared.  "Goin' back to school, I mean."

            I sat up a little straighter.  The exotic foreign drink, the spicy-sweet chai, sloshed within the mug, but did not spill.

            Yuffie sighed suddenly, her breath causing a few sprigs of dark brown hair to flutter momentarily above her somber face.  She turned toward me.  "How is anythin' gonna be normal?"

            "I dunno," I said honestly.

            I didn't think it ever could be again.  How could I try to solve equations or remember the stroke order for a difficult kanji?  Was there any way we could all keep up the pretense of being average situations when we most certainly were not?

            "I guess we could fight Heartless during lunch break," Yuffie said, trying to make a joke.

            Half a smile was the best I could manage.

*

            I removed my glove and again felt the photo, tucked safely within my coat pocket.  As far as I was aware, no one knew I had taken it or that I had any idea about the circumstances of my arrival in Japan.

            It was the last day of vacation.  I had come home the night before after going out with Yuffie.  I had acted as normally as possible with Mom, but feigned exhaustion from my 'long day of shopping' and gone to bed early, and she had gone to work without waking me.  I had prepared dinner, left a note, and gone out long before she arrived home.

            I began a journey with no direction.

            I traveled along slowly and carefully.  It was a few hours after darkness had settled itself over the city.  Clouds swept across the sky and began to let down a gradual, tingling mist.  My cheeks were hot with all of my ponderings, so I much appreciated the cold moisture against my skin.

            I stopped to refasten the hood of my coat and happened to gaze upward.  I saw the giant cross of a church I was all too familiar with.  I remained where I stood for quite some time.  The mist slowly evolved into a drizzle.

            The breeze that had once been departed and was replaced by fiercely strong and cold gusts.  One of these freed my head of the constriction of the hood.  The tiny shards of ice falling from the sky burned across my exposed skin and slipped, melting as they went, down my back.

            Everyone changes so much during their lives, but usually these shifts in manner and taste are so gradual that no one notices that it is happening.  A specific transformation from one phase to another is hard to identify.

            Not so was the case with me.  I knew when I had changed, and why.  I was much different now than before two nights ago.  I was harder on the outside, and absolutely broken within.

            I screamed.

            I fell to my knees in that lonely churchyard and cried out for my lost innocence.  I wished harder than ever to be back on Destiny Islands, playing pathetic children's games with my naïve little friends.  I had lost something with the passing of my childhood, something precious that I could only now recognize.

            The ice crystals sparkled and danced in the shafts of light from the spotlights illuminating the great church.  Water froze on the barren trees, the sidewalks, the walls of the buildings…  Everything glowed.

            I hated this world and loved nothing in it.

            I wanted everything back that I could never have again.   I wanted races on the beach and cold coconut sundaes and prickling sunburns and scrapes on my knees and stupid fights and humiliating making ups.  I wanted no more of Heartless and separation and battles and tears and betrayals.

            I most specifically did _not_ want the charge of a certain item.  I summoned the thing to my hand and heaved it at the church.

            The Oathkeeper screeched across the newly formed layer of ice and came to rest on the first of the church's great stone steps.  I gave it a long, hard look more penetrating than the frigid wind reddening my cheeks and ears.

            I was about to leave when a figure arrived to take charge of the cursed thing in my stead.

            A lone, gloved hand gently swooped down and took hold of the handle.

            "You know," Sora said, hefting the thing with a great smile taking shape on his face, "I could teach you how to use this."

***


	16. Attempt

*

            _I have lost something…_

            _Now, where do I begin looking for myself?_

*

            On one of my most pessimistic days, I pondered on identity—not mine specifically, just anyone's and everyone's.  I came to the humbling, demeaning conclusion that a person is nothing.

            A person's life is nothing more than a collection of random events he experiences, and he is nothing but the result of the interpretation of these memories.  His personality—this 'unique individual' each one of us is supposed to be—is a farce.  He merely acts on the interpretations he has made of events that could have happened to anyone.

            That night beneath the freezing sleet, my mind—my precious collection of memories—left me.

            I ran to Sora.

            He took me out of the cold and into the abandoned interior of the building.  Again I found sanctuary from the elements in that sacred place, and again Sora was with me.  However, it was different from the other time.  Sora held my hand now.

            He inspected the Oathkeeper, raising it effortlessly with only one hand.  He executed a few practice swings that whistled sharply through the air.

            My collection of memories almost rose up to protest, but failed.

            "You'll teach me to fight the Heartless?" I asked tentatively.

            Sora nodded.  "You'll never lose to them again."

            "I didn't—" I began.  I stopped because his unspoken accusation was almost the truth.  I almost _had_ lost, and would have been taken again to the dark underworld of the Heartless.

            So Sora was against the Heartless…  Then he wasn't evil!

            "First, I'll show you how to hold it," Sora said.  He came up behind me and arranged my fingers around the Keyblade's handle.  He kept his hands clasped over mine.  I had not been close to Sora like this since Hollow Bastion, when he returned from being a Heartless.  Our first embrace…it seemed so far away now as he held me once again.

            It took me a while to get the grip right, and to be comfortable with it.  Sora was a patient instructor.  He taught me two basic swings and mentioned I needed a lot of work on my coordination as we were wrapping things up.  I took a look at my watch.

            "What time is it?"

            "A quarter to ten," I replied.  The Keyblade dissolved away into my heart.  "I'd better get home…"

            Sora stared for a moment at the air where the weapon had been, and then nodded.  "I'll walk you to the station."

            "Okay."

            He did as he said he would, and gave me a parting embrace just before I boarded the train home.  "See you tomorrow!" he called as the door whizzed shut between us.

            Tomorrow?  That was right; school was to begin again.  The third trimester of our freshman year was only hours away.

*

            I arrived home at ten thirty.  To my surprise, Riku was racing down the steps just as I began to ascend them.

            "Where've—you been?" he breathed.

            "Just…out," I said, suddenly resenting his suspicion.  My eyebrows rose a few centimeters.  "What are _you_ doing here so late?"

            "My parents and I…had a talk.  They gave me some money and I moved out," he said.  "I'm going to live here from now on."

            Shocked, I could say nothing for a quite a while.  At last my voice returned.

            "They kicked you out?"

            "No, no, it wasn't like that.  I just can't stand living with them right now.  That and…"  He trailed off, as if I knew exactly what he was talking about.  I had some idea, but did not wish to think about it.

            "I'm tired," I announced, trying to push past him.

            "I'll be only a floor below you," Riku called as I left.  "I'll be right there if you need anything."

            I didn't feeling like answering.

*

            The doorbell rang not too long after I arrived home from school the following afternoon.

            Riku?

            I was worried.  I had purposely avoided speaking to him all day long—not an easy task.  What kind of mood would he be in?

            I checked the peephole.  My visitor certainly wasn't Riku.  He (or she?) was much too short to be Riku.  I opened the door and found Yuffie standing before me, a big black bag over one shoulder.

            "Hi!" she said.

            "Hello," I replied.  "What's going on?"

            She gestured to her burden.  "Where's your TV?"

            "TV…?"

            Already Yuffie was inside and pursuing her announced target.  She withdrew a moderately sized black box and placed it next to the television.  Then in a flurry she was connecting wires and pressing buttons.  She took out a large plastic mat and spread it on the floor.  On the mat were four large arrows pointing in each cardinal direction, and in the top corners were symbols—a circle, and an x.

            Fast-paced music began blasting from the speakers and Yuffie turned to me excitedly.  "So, have you played before?"

            I shook my head.  Played what?  What _was_ this contraption?

            "Ohh!" my friend squealed.  "It's the best game ever!"  She held up a small shiny case with the silhouette of a dancing woman on it.

            "Dance…Dance…Revolution?"  I didn't know what that last word meant.  It hadn't been on the vocabulary list for English class yet.

            Yuffie took off her coat and—to my surprise—her pants and sweater too.  Underneath she had on a loose black t-shirt and the tight orange shorts we wore for volleyball and gym class.  She leaned forward.  "You _seriously_ haven't heard of it?"

            Again, I could only shake my head.

            "Okay, okay, I'll show you!"

            I sat down on a cushion and watched her step onto the pad.  Her feet moved quickly from symbol to symbol until a new song was playing and a computer-generated image of a girl was on the screen, swaying back and forth to the beat.

            An announcer from within the television set asked Yuffie it she was prepared.

            "Ready!" my friend cried.

            Arrows scrolled over the image of the dancing girl and Yuffie began to move.  She stared intently at the screen, but I could only watch her in amazement.  She hopped and jumped on the pad.  Her entire body was in perfect harmony with the song.  She was grinning until her foot missed the back arrow.  The screen booed her and my friend cursed.

            In a few minutes the song was over and Yuffie watched as her score was tabulated.  Her grade was a B.  She jumped up and down and shook her fists in celebration.  Then the ninja turned to me.  "Your turn!"

            I hesitated.

            "C'mon, it's fun!"

            "But…I don't know how…and…"

            Yuffie grabbed my wrists and yanked me to my feet.  "C'mon, Kai-chan!  Heartless couldn't scare you, but a little dancing does?"

            "The Heartless _did_ scare me, though."  I looked at her and I looked at the dance pad.  I had hardly danced in my life.  I couldn't play this game!

            Still…my thoughts ventured.  Sora had told me I didn't have much coordination.  A game like this would surely involve plenty of that!

            I agreed to let Yuffie show me how to play.

            She had me start with a beginner song and was with me through its duration, yelling, "Right!  Left!  Jump!  Good job, Kairi!"

            I'm afraid I wasn't very good at first.  Yuffie had to leave after an hour, but she allowed me to borrow the game.  After she left, I changed into a baby blue spaghetti strap top and short flannel shorts I wore to bed during the summer.  I mastered the lessons the game had to offer and moved back to the song Yuffie had had me begin with.

            The song was over and I earned a passing grade for it.  Happily exhausted from the exercise, I was content to take a glass of water to my desk and dive into homework.

            Yes, I kept telling myself.  I would master this game.  Then, when Sora gave me another lesson, he would be so surprised at how well I could move!

            I imagined that very special smile Sora used to wear back on the islands.  That little secret he revealed only to me—when I had done something of which he was very proud.  When I could swim around the island faster than anyone, when I jumped down from the seagull's nest and landed on both feet.  Those times were far away, but similar achievements and Sora's pleased grin were now within my grasp…

***

_all i can do for this chapter is apologize for it.  it's way too short and…dumb.  agh.  life has kept me very busy lately…but i have not stopped thinking about codename.  i've basically planned out the rest of the story.  there'll be more chapters to come, and a lot faster, i hope!  -_-_


	17. Power

*

            _Change overtakes you when you don't want to see it._

_            Before you know it, you're so different that it no longer matters._

_            You don't even care that you've lost who you truly are._

*

            Aiko had been very pretty.  Her face was round and her large eyes sparkled from above flushed cheeks and a huge, carefree smile.  She had long black hair that reflected the light in such a way that it seemed she glowed softly.

            I stared at the girl's photograph so much that I began to feel as though I actually knew her.  She was an open person, it seemed—friendly and kind and silly when she wanted.  It seemed sometimes that she could walk out of the picture and have a conversation with me, no questions asked, and the two of us could be best friends.

            I always kept her picture close to my heart.

*

            Time passed.

            I distanced myself from almost everyone as my lessons with Sora progressed.  I would be pleasant enough during school hours to Aerith or Squall, at least when I had to, and Yuffie and I played DDR or went to a café together every so often.  Still, the meetings their group and me grew fewer as winter faded.  And Riku…I spoke with him as little as possible.

            One early Friday evening in late March, my mother and I were seated on a pair of floor cushions in front of the television.  The game had been put away—my game, now.  Mom had found a discounted Playstation 2 (that was the black box thing everything was hooked up to via cords and cables) and then purchased DDR and a dance pad just for me.

            So I was hugging my knees to my chest and teetering back and forth on my back end as the reporters informed us of the events of the world.  Apparently, an international team of meteorologists was studying the strange weather phenomena that had affected Japan for the past year.  My mother commented softly that she, too, was curious about the strangely strong and irregular weather.  I was completely disinterested until I remembered that I had first shown up in Japan about a year before.

            Could there be a connection?

            "Do you remember that typhoon we had your first week of school?" Mom said when a commercial for soy sauce came on.  "You were stranded at the school overnight with your friends and a couple of your teachers!  I was so worried, but I couldn't get home from my office 'til late that night…"

            I nodded.  Of course I remembered.  That had been right before I blacked out for months.  I remembered the balls of light—blue and red.  I straightened slightly, my knees unfolding themselves and my legs sprawling across the floor.

            "Something wrong, honey?"

            "No," I lied quickly.  "I was just thinking about that night."

            "Something did happen to you," the woman said, the look in her eyes growing farther away.  I remember…yes…it was the middle of the night, maybe four in the morning when there was a knock on the door and there was Riku holding your soaked body!"  Mom gripped her chest.  "I was so terrified for you.  He said you hit your head on something in the basement…"

            "Oh," I said.  "I can't really remember."

            "You _did_ act a little strangely for a while after that," she said.  "I took you to a doctor, but they said you were fine.  They said it was just the effects of the concussion."  She frowned slightly.

            "Hmm?"  I sensed there was something she was holding back from me.  "What is it?"

            "Nothing, nothing," she assured me.  "Just…it must have just been the stress.  I can't remember that time so clearly myself."

            My heart beat a little faster.  Something _had_ happened, then.  And not just to me—

            Mom suddenly hugged me very tightly.  "What's important is that you're all right now."  She stroked my back with motherly affection.  "I don't know what I would do without you.  You're my whole life, you know that?"

            Tears instantly pooled in the corners of my eyes.  Her love for me was so strong, and I returned it to her tenfold.  I was torn between my need of having a mother and my guilt of her not really being mine.  All her kindness wasn't intended for me; it was for her true daughter.  For Aiko.

            I had tried to push Mom away, but she always came to me when I was upset.  I tried to distance myself from her along with everyone else, but I had failed time and time again.  I needed her too much.  I had lived most of my life without a mother.  I had been so strong and independent.  One short year in Japan had made me soft.

            I really needed to harden that part of me again…

            Our embrace ended and mother checked her watch.  She straightened.

            "What's up?" I wondered, blinking away my tears so she wouldn't see them.

            "He's going to be here in ten minutes, and I'm not ready!"

            "He?"

            "Didn't I tell you I had a date tonight, honey?  A man from the building next door asked me out…he was over in Europe for the past couple months, but he's back and he wanted to take me out to dinner."  She informed me of this on her way to the bedroom.

            An ad for the upcoming six o'clock gossip program flashed across the screen.  I lifted the remote and snapped off the television.  I was a little upset that my mother made plans for the night and had not told me.

            No wonder she hadn't made any dinner yet.  I had secretly been hoping it could have been one of the Friday nights when the two of us went out to the American restaurant a few blocks down or picked up ice cream at the convenience store.

            Sora was gone too, on a trip to someplace.  I hadn't seen him for a two weeks.  I did my best not to think about him.  Then I couldn't miss him too much.

            I sighed to myself, trying to mentally reconstruct my plans for the evening.  Mom emerged from the bedroom only to disappear once more, this time into the bathroom.  She had put on black slacks and a shimmering sleeveless blouse of a dark amethyst color.  When I saw her again, her hair was pulled back to show off her perfectly formed ears, pink lipstick graced her lips, and a small amount of blush warmed her cheeks.  She had me help attach a pendant around her neck and a bracelet over her slim wrist.

            "It's not too much, is it?" she asked me, frowning slightly.

            I smiled to see my mother act so much like a girl.  This was the first time in a long while that she had had a date.

            "Just what're _you_ smirking about?" she said indignantly, trying to feign anger.  "I helped get you ready for plenty of dates, honey!"

            "I'm just happy for you," I told her earnestly, smiling with all my heart.

            "Speaking of that…maybe you could go down and ask Riku to eat with you."

            "Riku…?"

            "I know you've had problems with him lately, honey, but that boy really cares about you.  Would it kill you to spend an evening with him?"

            "Of course not…"

            "You'll be lonely all by yourself.  Promise me you'll go down?"

            "Yes, Mom."

            The doorbell rang and my mother jumped up.  "I-I'm not ready!" she stuttered nervously.  "Where are my black shoes?"

            The bell rang again.  I went to answer it.  I opened the door and had to step back when I saw who it was.

            "Cid!"

            Indeed, the man was standing before me, looking exceptionally clean-shaven.  His sandy blond hair was freshly cut and he was wearing casual black slacks and a navy blue sport jacket.  The man was also holding a bouquet of daisies.

            And he looked as shocked to see me as I was to see him.  Finally he asked, "_You're_ Sakura's daughter?"

            Mom was suddenly at my side.  "Do you two know each other?"  She wore a huge, expectant smile.

            "A little.  I'm friends with some of her teachers," Cid explained quickly.  He held out the flowers to my mother and she squeaked.  I pressed my lips together to keep myself from laughing at the girlish reaction.

            "How thoughtful of you, Cid," my mother cooed, inhaling the fragrance of the bouquet.  She passed the flowers to me and we all stood there for a very awkward minute.

            "I, uh, think I might have left the car running," the man interjected suddenly, shifting his weight.

            "In that case, would you put those in some water, honey?" Mom asked, slipping into her coat as her date held it up.

            "Sure.  You guys have a good time."

            Mom gave me a final peck on the cheek.  "Remember what you promised me?"

            "Yeah, I know."

            "Okay.  'Night, Kairi."

            Cid tipped his head at me.  I bowed politely.

            As I closed the door behind them, I saw Cid offering his arm to my mother.  She took it happily, and I knew the blooming color in her cheeks was not from any makeup.

*

            After sitting by myself for a while that night, a strange mood overcame me.

            There was this creeping change that had begun at the church after I found Aiko's picture.  Although I had not noticed it, it had been working very diligently within me.  It drove away my friends and took me from my schoolwork.  It made me determined to perfect my body.  I not only looked different, but I acted and thought differently as well.  Perhaps Mom noticed a touch of it, but no one else had a chance to, and I was so in the middle of the sweeping transformation that I took no notion of it until much, much later.

            That night I made a snap decision and all in a moment I had a destination that I would reach no matter what.

            I washed quickly and donned a short green skirt and an orange tank top.  I even pulled out my mom's pink lipstick and spread color across my lips.  I pulled my hair to the top of my head into a tight, springy ponytail and I strapped on white sandals with thick heels.

            I studied myself in the mirror for a while.  My bare arms and legs looked much better than they had only months earlier.  Training and DDR had done their work to tone my body.  I played DDR at least and hour and a half a day with small weights strapped to my wrists and ankles.  I did push-ups and jumping jacks and lifted weights, too, and spent my weekly lessons with Sora swinging the Keyblade in increasingly complex motions.  I was stronger and quicker now.

            Pleased with my appearance, I decided it was time to go.

            At six-thirty I was downstairs knocking on Riku's door.  I tilted my head and clasped my hands behind my back.  When the door opened and my silver-haired friend saw me, I smiled sweetly at him.  He did look rather handsome that night—he had no shirt and his pants weren't completely fastened.  Riku looked down and his skin, whitened somewhat by the absence of sunlight during the wintertime, went bright red.

            I blushed a little myself and waited while he ran back into the apartment.  He returned in a moment, wearing a shirt with a belt holding his pants securely in place.  He ran his hand through his hair and smiled nervously.

            "Sorry, I wasn't exactly expecting anybody…"

            "Want me to leave?"

            "No, no—uh…"  Riku hadn't paled quite yet.  "What're you doing here?"

            "My mother's out tonight and she said it'd be nice if I could come eat with you."

            Riku was looking me up and down, even though I know he probably didn't mean to.  He was frozen in place, just staring at me.  I'd never seen him like that.  I had some sort of power over him now.

            And I kind of liked it.

            I took a few steps and looked right up into his face.  "I'm sorry for everything, Riku.  I've been really mean to you.  I was ashamed for hurting you and I couldn't bring myself to face you…"  I placed my hand on his arm.  "Let me apologize.  I can cook you dinner, if you want.  Or we could cook together?"

            He just nodded.  His stiffened body was so close to me now, and his beautiful sea green eyes were very wide.  Riku had this special warmth, this special scent, this special aura about him that made the blood rush through my body, that made my temperature rise.

            "So?" I prodded, squeezing the material of his shirt between my fingers.  "Shall we do it?"

            "Do…what?"

            "Cook dinner, silly," I laughed.  I pulled away and closed the door.  Then I leaned down and untangled the ribbons of white leather binding the sandals to my feet.

            I don't know what kept my body so wonderfully warm—his aura or this new power I found I had over him.  Either way it felt great. 

            "Must be hard for you.  You used to have a chef to cook for your family, right?"

            "I found I really enjoy cooking, though," he told me.  His body finally relaxed and he followed me to the kitchenette area of the apartment.  "What would you like to make?  I was just going to have some instant ramen, but…"

            I bent over to inspect the lowest shelves of his refrigerator right as Riku came up behind me.  I heard him draw back and couldn't resist smiling to myself.  I knew he was looking at me, at my legs and at everything else.

            Anyway, his fridge was stocked with several cans of orange pop, jugs of milk and juice, fruit and vegetables, a container of eggs, and plenty of meat.  His parents supplied him with a generous allowance to supply all of that.  I told him so and he said they sent over the butler with all the groceries so he would eat right.  The only thing he had bought for himself was the pop.

            "What, uh, would you like to, uh, cook then?"

            I stood up.  "You know that American restaurant, Johnny's Place?"

            "Yeah.  Never been there, though."

            "I had something there once that I think we could make.  This omelet.  It's really good.  You add ham, onion, green pepper and…cheese."

            "Sounds great," Riku told me.

            I poked him in the stomach.  "It'll be a lot better than instant ramen!"

            Riku and I washed our hands and I had him tie a towel around my waist to protect my skirt.  He fumbled with the knot for several warm, close moments.

            "Let's get started with that omelet," he breathed finally.

            "Okay," I agreed.

            I turned on an oven burner and Riku took out and greased a saucepan to put on it.  I cracked eggs into a large bowl and whisked them with a fork while my companion sliced sections of green pepper, onion, and ham into small pieces.  The eggs filled the pan and Riku and I took turns dropping grated cheese, ham, onion, and pepper into it.

            Riku was watching it cook.  I inspected his apartment, which was Western-style.  The floor was covered in a thick sapphire carpet.  His furniture consisted of a large leather couch and a coffee table made of cherry wood, with a black armchair on the side.  He had a flatscreen television hanging on the far wall.  Two speakers were attached to the top corners of the room.

            His family _did_ have a lot of money.

            I returned to where Riku was and went up on the tips of my toes to look over his shoulder.  "Is it almost ready?"

            "Mmm," he replied.  I grabbed a large plate from the cupboard—one of fine white china—and he used a spatula to deliver our dinner onto it.

            "Where should we eat it?"

            "The couch is fine," Riku told me, shrugging.  He opened a drawer and got out two silver forks and two large cloth napkins for us.  After putting the food on the coffee table, I went back to the kitchen and poured us each a slim glass of milk.

            We ate our omelet and drank our milk.  I excused myself to his luxurious bathroom a little while afterwards, to fix my hair and steal a sip of mouthwash.  I washed my hands and reapplied my lipstick.

            The only thing directing me at that time was that feeling Riku gave me.  Being close to him caused such pleasant sensations to course through my body, and at that moment I wanted to get as much of those feelings as I could.  I wasn't thinking about anything else at all.

            I came out into the main room.  Riku was putting away dishes so I stretched my body across the couch.  When he joined me, I sat up and slid close to him.

            "Kairi…uh…this is…I mean…"

            He was trying to think this out, trying to understand what was going on.  I didn't want him to think.  From the way he was acting, he liked the way I made him feel very much.  That was enough.  He didn't have to use his brain at a time like this.

            I planted my lips just beneath Riku's ear and kissed gently.  He inhaled sharply and shivered.

            I reached across him, brushing my body against his, and turned off the lamp.  Now there was no light, save that from the streetlight outside tricking in through the gap between the curtains.  There was only that smell of Riku's that drove me wild, there was only the texture of his hair slipping through my fingers and his warm neck beneath my lips.

            He didn't do anything for a while.  It felt wonderful to have that power to paralyze him.  It felt even better, though, when he finally grabbed me against him and pushed me down and kissed and kissed me.

***

_there *was* a purpose to this chapter.  it's all part of my master plan…_

_on a much more serious note, i really want to ask something of everyone who reads this.  recently  i experienced a terrible loss…in fact, i'm very glad i had this writing to get my mind away from it for the past couple hours.  what i want to say to every person i can is this:  if you ever feel depressed, if you ever feel like hurting yourself, or, in extreme cases, taking your own life…please don't.  there are so many people that care about you even if you feel like there's not a single one.  you _need_ to talk to someone you trust who can get you help.  if you feel like you have no one to talk to, i want you to get in touch with me.  email me or talk to me on AIM.  you might feel bad now, but you will be able to feel better later.  there's people who can help you.  please.  you don't know how many people you can hurt or how badly you can hurt them by taking your life.  you have a lot to live for.  you have the entire future.  don't give that all up.  please don't think there's only one solution, because there are so many more._


	18. Privilege

*

_            Responsibility comes with privilege._

_            But why can't that privilege be exploited?_

*

_            I was listless beneath the rippling surface of the endless blackening ocean.  The setting moon was before me.  It should have been that same huge white pearl, but it wasn't.  It was a red moon, a gigantic ruby tossed carelessly onto the horizon.  The water surrounding me sparkled with the eerie, blood-tinted light.  I thought maybe I should close my eyes._

_            I saw it then, the cross.  The sparkling cross was now fiercely golden and it hung in the air above the water.  I reached my arm through the barrier between ocean and sky and closed the pendant within my fist._

_            But the chain was around something this time.  No, not some_thing_—someone.  Someone's neck._

_            Two hands clasped themselves around mine.  I stared straight up into the distorted vision of Aiko's face.  She was floating above me, hovering in the air.  The cross's chain was suspended from her fragile neck.  She wore a billowing white dress to match mine._

_            I heard her voice for the first time._

_            "Save me, Kairi," Aiko whispered.  "Before it's too late."_

            This was just another dream, wasn't it? 

*

            I was awake in a moment.  I became aware of the real world once more.  I was lying beneath a heavy wool blanket, and sweat glued the bare skin of my back, arms, and legs to a leather couch beneath me.

            _Leather_ couch?  Where the heck was I?

            Riku…?

            I looked around for him, but he was nowhere to be found.  My shirt was folded on the floor next to the couch, so I sat up and pulled it back on.  I stood and straightened out my skirt and hair.

            What was I doing in Riku's apartment on the couch with no shirt and so much sweat?  I started pacing around the living room.  Feelings began to course through me.  I remembered something of what had happened before I had gone to sleep.  I had made dinner with Riku, and then…

            My legs gave out beneath me.  I fell backwards and landed on the floor with a thump.  I would have ended up with bruises in rather sensitive places, but I was saved by Riku's luxurious carpet.

            _What was I thinking?  What got into me?_

            I heard a key turn in the lock on the front door.

            _Oh no, he's back…_

            I scrambled up on the couch and pulled the blanket around me.  God, what was there to say?  I had…We had…What had I been thinking?

            "Kairi, you up?" Riku called tenderly as I heard him shuffle out of his shoes.  I heard the door click shut, and then the sound of his footsteps melted into the carpet that had so recently saved my behind.

            There was no use trying to hide.  "Yeah…right here."

            A bouquet of white roses appeared in front of my face.  I looked up to see Riku's expectant eyes focused on me.  I smiled shyly and took the flowers from him.  All right…I could do this…be neutral about everything.

            "You cold?" Riku asked as he came around the couch.

            "A little," I lied, keeping my lips stretched out into a nervous grin.

            "In that case…"  He slid up next to me and pulled me onto his lap.  "Let me keep you warm."

            Shivers ran through my body.  I was torn, now.  Torn between perpetuating the strange attitude from the night before and letting him know how confused I was.

            Riku made like he meant to kiss me.  I put my hand over his mouth and turned away.

            "Ach, but I have morning breath…"

            Riku just laughed gently and pressed his lips to my cheek.  "I don't care.  I want to kiss you."  He began stroking my hair around my ear.

            "It'll taste bad!" I shrieked as he drew near to my face.  Soon he was tickling my sides without mercy and I was screaming and kicking and laughing so much I could hardly breathe.

            "You meanie," I accused when the torture ended, my body slipping so my legs extended over the edge of the couch and my head sliding to rest on his knee.

            Riku just smirked and resumed combing my hair with his fingers.

            I frowned playfully up at him.

            "You're cute.  I'd kiss you no matter what your breath tasted like."

            Blushing, I pulled away.  "I feel kinda grungy…I'd like to wash off and brush my teeth."

            "You'll come back soon?"

            "Sure."

            Upstairs I found my mother asleep in her bed.  She must have figured out where I spent the night…  What did she think?  I shut her bedroom door quickly and got through with my shower fast.

            When I went back to Riku's apartment I wore a long-sleeved orange t-shirt and dark jeans.  My hair, still a little damp, hung loosely down to scrape my shoulders.  I found Riku in khaki pants and a blue, short-sleeved collared shirt.  His long hair framed his face beautifully, I thought.  His honest, hopeful, sincere face.

            As soon as I was inside he had me against the door and he kissed me with enough passion to make me melt.  I placed my hands on his shoulders just to keep myself standing up.  Dragging my hands down his arms, feeling his muscles against my skin…I was beginning to understand that me from the night before who had wanted so desperately to seduce him…

            Beginning to.

            Riku must have sensed something was wrong, because he released me and asked gently what was the matter.

            "My mom…I'm worried about what she must be thinking," I told him.

            "She called last night after you went to sleep—twelve thirty maybe?  Don't worry, Kairi.  She just wanted to know you were safe and happy.  I said you were asleep on the couch and she told me not to wake you, that she'd see you later."

            I felt relieved.  I didn't want my mother to be disappointed in me for doing what I had—even if it was not entirely me who had done it.

            Riku cradled me in his arms.  "I'm sad you woke up already, though.  I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed."

            I shrugged.

            He took my hand and led me by the hand, smirking.  We entered his bedroom, which I found to have just as beautiful cherry wood furnishings—the guy even had a four-poster bed!  The carpet was the same as in the main room, rich and blue, and fancy black and sapphire curtains and blankets accented the windows and the bed.

            "What's going on?" I laughed.

            "Just get into bed and I'll bring you some breakfast."  He kissed my forehead and left.

            I smiled to myself as I approached the bed.  I walked, leaning forward just slightly, and I had my hands clasped behind my back.  I strolled like this, just thinking.

            My smile faded quickly.  I wasn't committed to Riku as I apparently used to be.  Last night I had been lonely and I had decided to use him.

            I placed one hand over my heart.  Perhaps I was imagining it, but I swear this was a quiet, throbbing pain in there.  Almost like severe wounds that go numb so the injured party wouldn't go crazy from the pain.

            What was this wound, then?  This wound I wasn't noticing?

_Do not feel guilty._

            "What?"  I looked around.  No one there.

_You wanted something from the boy, and he willingly gave it to you._

            That voice…I hadn't heard it for…for about a year.  Now it was inside my head.

_Do not be afraid.  You have been granted the power of the Keyblade.  You can have anything you desire._

            I cautiously planted on the side of the bed and sunk down into the mattress.  I gulped a little, but again I touched my heart.  I _did_ have the Keyblade now, didn't I?  It had chosen _me_.  Something was special about _me_.  Why couldn't I have what I wanted?

_The power is yours…_

            I sensed the presence had left.  Good, I was by myself.  I lay across the bed, arranging the silken pillows into a great pile.  I rested my head on them and pulled one of the comforters over my legs.

            Riku came in with a tray of pancakes.  I ate them and drank the juice he had squeezed for me.  When we were through eating, Riku took off his slippers and climbed under the blanket with me, pulling my face against his chest and beginning to stroke my damp hair.

            He was pampering me like a princess.  No one was making him.

            Why shouldn't I enjoy it?

            I was having such a good time letting him kiss me that, at first, I didn't notice the Heartless spilling from within the closet.

***

Author's Notes—er, Apologies:  Gosh, I'm always coming up with excuses for you guys…!!  Just…life has been such a stress lately.  I really, really meant for more stuff to happen in this chapter, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning for two weeks at my grandmother's house.  So everybody have a great holiday season, even if it's just a break from school!

P.S.  Thank you all so much for your sympathy.  I really appreciate it.  My friend's funeral was less than a week and a half ago.  It was the more sorrowing experience in my life.  I just…I thought I would be attending all my friends' weddings long before their funerals, you know?

Well, thanks again.  'Love ya!  See you all in 2004! 


	19. Motivation

*

            _The night I left home…was a night of fate._

*

            In a flash Riku was up and I was sprawled across the bed.  He kicked the swarm of Heartless with such force that they fell back into the closet, which he promptly slammed shut.  He stood there, breathing heavily, his back against the door.

            "You'd better get out of here."

            He was always playing the hero, wasn't he?  I could only smile.  I casually came to my feet and adjusted my hair.  Then I inspected my nails, which were looking very nice, actually.

            "What're you doing?" he demanded with a mixture of confusion and anger—his emotion was plentiful, whatever category it fit.  "Kairi, they're—"

            Pools of black shadow moved out beneath his feet.  The beings took form and stared hatefully at the young man who had just assaulted them.

            Riku bent down into a battle ready position.  It was a mistake; the door flung open and he was thrown to the floor.  He flipped over and was on his feet once more, but blood dribbled from his lip.  He had borne the brunt of the fall with his chin, I realized, and his teeth must have been forced into his upper lip.

            Emerging from the closet was a pair of Defenders waving their shields.  They faced Riku and me and began casting fire and ice spells.

            Riku hurried so that he was standing in front of me.  It was too late for him to tell me to get out, as our new foes were taking their places in front of the window and the door.  Shadows and a few Darkballs poured from the closet.

            "There's too many," I heard my companion mutter with agitation.  "_Damn it_."  He turned his face to the right and, without meeting my eyes, remorsefully said, "I don't know if I can protect you this time, Kairi."

            "You don't have to," I replied cockily.  I put out my hand and summoned the Keyblade, which came at once.  "I can take care of myself."

            Riku didn't move; I figured he was paralyzed by the shock of seeing the weapon, or maybe the shock of seeing it in my hands.  "You still have it—but have you learned to use it?  Kairi, be careful with that thing—"

            I didn't feel like listening to him any longer.  It was time to show off the training Sora had given me.  Riku the judo master was nothing compared to me now that I possessed the only effective weapon against Heartless.

            I dove into battle immediately, leaping up to take down the hovering Darkballs.  Two of them were dispensed with.  I took to the air again, lifting my weapon over my head.  I stabbed the remaining Darkball and finished my flight by slamming one foot into the closet door to slam it shut.

            "Guard it," I ordered, pointing.

            Riku said nothing, only stared at me and took the assigned post, standing as he had before after locking the door.

            I readjusted my grip on the Oathkeeper's handle and charged the Defender near the window.  I ran right, then slung my body down low and dodged to the left.  The back of the creature was exposed and I smacked it one, two, three times.  It turned, the ugly face of the shield threatening to crush my nose.  I tumbled backward before such a tragedy could occur.

I fell into a pile of eager Shadows.  Their greedy hands reached at my chest, no doubt aiming for the heart inside.  I beheaded one with a powerful swing of my blade.  I was angry now.  How dare they try to steal my heart!

            "Damn—you—!" was my declaration of battle.  From my place on the floor I was able to slay half a dozen more Shadows.  They were nothing to me, now; only worth one hit each if I aimed correctly.  My strength and agility were perhaps twenty times what they had been at the time my first true battle.

            The power delighted me.  I was stronger than anyone.  Riku, for all his judo training, for all his muscles, could never hope to match me.  He did not possess the legendary weapon that meant guaranteed success over the Heartless.  Speaking of those Heartless…they were nothing!

            I somersaulted beneath the shield of the approaching Defender and sprang up behind its back.  I sank the Oathkeeper deep into the creature's flesh and twisted hard, hearing with some satisfaction a long moan of pain and despair.  How dare it threaten to disfigure me with that stupid shield!  I let it fade slowly from the world, and trampled on its almost lifeless body on my way to take down the remaining Heartless.

            However, Riku was in my way.  His eyes were serious when they met mine, although I did not wish for the event to occur.  He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

            "_Kairi_."

            I scowled, pulled back, and held the Keyblade before my face.  No one was going to interfere with my victory.  My words were a churning growl from deep within my throat.

            "Let me through."

            "No."

            I glared at him defiantly.

            "Something's the matter with you."  He paused before slowly extending his hand.   "Give me the Keyblade."

            Shocked, I let out a cry.  I grasped the Oathkeeper tighter.  "It's _mine_," I said as my emotions threatened to overflow.  Were those tears hiding just behind my eyelids?  Oh, angry tears they were—of course!  Perhaps hurt tears as well…

            Riku continued holding out his arm patiently.

            "No!"  I pulled the handle of Keyblade toward my chest.  _My_ heart had claimed the Keyblade, and _my_ heart would keep it for me.  It had chosen me, not Riku!

            The young man swallowed.  I saw beads of sweat trickling down his muscular neck.  He was scared of me, intimidated by the wonderful fighter I had become.  I grinned in triumph, but wasn't allowed to wear the smile for long.

            The Keyblade dematerialized from my hand.  I screamed.  It reappeared in a cloud of glimmering light between the two of us—_exactly_ between us.  It hovered in the air.

            "_No_…" I sobbed.  If I didn't have the Keyblade, Sora wouldn't train me anymore.  Losing the Keyblade…it meant losing Sora!

            The blade seemed in conflict with itself.  For tense seconds it floated toward Riku, but then came back towards me.  I must have been hallucinating, but I swear, for the briefest instant, I saw Riku surrounded by a visibly blue aura.  The sight disappeared after I blinked once, so I promptly disregarded it.

            Trembling, I reached out both arms.  I _needed_ the Keyblade.  Without it, I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise.  I wouldn't be able to save Sora!

            The weapon again came closer to me.  But, at that moment, Riku let out a cry and fell.  His shirt fell away from his back and the exposed skin was practically scorched.  I realized the remaining enemy, the Heartless called Defender, had sent a fire spell his way.  Riku's grimacing face was indication enough of the great pain he was feeling, although he was strong enough to keep any tears or further screams from escaping.

            I reached out and grabbed the Keyblade.  It was all mine now.  I felt I almost owed the monster a thank you, but I disposed of it instead; Heartless _were_ Heartless, after all.

            I stood still for a moment, deciding what to do next.  Heartless renewed their pounding at the closet door.  A second wave would undoubtedly break through soon.  I knew they were stalking me, the Keyblade master.  Had Sora not complained of their relentless efforts to claim his life?

            I looked at Riku and found myself pitying him.  Something, something that was very small now, cried out.  A tiny bit of me was sorrowful, a tiny bit of me hurt for my fallen friend.  But a more powerful voice said it was his own fault, that he never should have tried to take the Keyblade from me…  If he suffered now, it was his own doing.  He was a tool I had used for my own gratification, and now it was as if he was all used up.

            _No, what am I thinking?_ the small part screamed from deep within me.  This was _Riku_, my practically lifelong friend, a person who was there for me no matter how badly I ever treated him.  This was someone I loved!

            _The boy is nothing.  He is weak.  He chases after you blindly, knowing you cannot return his love.  Leave him now so he will not suffer any longer, futilely pursuing your affections.  He is not, after all, the one who would open the door.  He is not the one you came to this world for._

            The voice was right.  I hadn't come to Japan for Riku.  I had hardly thought of him during my solitude on Destiny Islands.  I had pined for Sora during that year of separation.  I had endured hardships in Japan for Sora, and for Sora only.  Not for Riku, who was a fool to look after me when he knew I couldn't love him back.

            "Kairi," Riku moaned weakly from the floor.  "Please…give up the Keyblade…  Something…happened to…to it…"

            I stood over him.  He was in too much pain to do anything now.  He was powerless.  Soon enough, Riku would pass out and I would no longer have to hear his horrible pleas.  I could never give up the Keyblade.  It was the only way I could get Sora back.

            "…behind the Door…at Kingdom Hearts…"

            The thunderous sounds from the closet were growing in frequency.  If I stayed, another round of battle was sure to begin.  Riku would not be able to protect himself—he would probably die.  I was surprised to find I didn't want him to die.  Even if he annoyed the greater part of me by saying there was something wrong with the Keyblade, the other bit of me did not want a world without Riku.

            "I've gotta go," I said as I stared at the Keyblade.  "The Heartless are after me.  If I stay, you and Mom will be in danger."

            He had already lost consciousness, though, so he couldn't respond.  I shrugged.  He would live.  Someone would find him eventually, and he would be all right.  I knew I could not afford to linger much longer, so I dismissed the Keyblade.  Riku's wallet was lying on the bedside table, so I helped myself to several large bills.  I ran for the window, pushing myself through it and taking the fire escape to the street below.

            Thick clouds covered the sky, darkening the entire city.  Nature threatened to rain, so people hurried to their houses or roared down the main road nearby.  No one paid me much notice, and I was glad.

            I walked for some time before the rain started.  I was near the school then.  The sudden icy sheets drowned me instantly, and my hair and clothes were glued to my skin.  I hurried to find a place of shelter.

            I ended up at the station.  It was surprisingly vacant, so there was no trouble in finding a lonely bench to occupy and think alone for a while.  I reached deep into the pockets of the jeans and retrieved the damp contents.  I had several thousand yen, my train pass, and, for some reason, the happiness charm Riku had given me at the New Year's celebration.  I massaged the embroidery between my fingers.

            I had gotten so terribly distracted lately.  Sora had been gone, and I had been so upset that I had prohibited him from entering my thoughts.  Almost losing the Keyblade brought back my motivation.  I could trust no one anymore, not even Riku.  Aeris, Squall, and the rest of them had chosen to forfeit any faith I might have had in them when they covered up the truth about Aiko.

            Speaking of Aiko, where was her photo?  I searched madly.  No…!  I had left it in the apartment.  I couldn't risk returning there now and drawing the Heartless to where Mom slept.  I cursed myself for being so careless about the picture, but I had to let it go—at least until everything with the Heartless was resolved.  My fingers felt lonely without the photograph to touch, so I squeezed the charm within my palm once more.

            Where was there for me to go, now?  I could not go home, I could not go to school…

             It was then I heard the announcement over the loudspeaker, that a train bound for Tokyo would soon be leaving from the third platform.  I felt drawn there for some reason.  Something inside told me that Tokyo would be a perfect place to escape the Heartless.  It was such a huge place—the largest metropolitan area in the entire world—and no one would be able to find me.  Perhaps I could even lose myself there.

***


	20. Rhythm

*

            _It's when we are closest to destruction that we can't detect it._

*

            This one time, I went insane.  True story.

            I'm sorry I can't describe it too well.  See, the threads of my brain were being slowly ripped apart.  My thoughts and my actions were growing less and less connected.  I started acting on instinct rather than reason.  Why?  Simple:  there was no reason left in my head.

            Time passed.  Not sure how much.  I _think_ it was only about a day, but, for all I know, it was weeks.  I will do my best to relate events in the order they occurred, but my guesses could always be wrong.  I'm sure most of it was _before_ the earthquake, though; Tokyo wasn't in ruin when I was riding the trains through its many districts or sampling its clubs and karaoke bars.

            Earthquake?  Forget I said that.  I got ahead of myself.  Way ahead.

            So I took the train deeper and deeper into the enormous metropolitan hub known as Tokyo.  I stared out at the collection of giant skyscrapers, watched the cars zoom by below me on the crowded streets.

            Massive clumps of people marched down the sidewalks, halting on command whenever the streetlights directed them to do so.  They would wait, an impatient throng of humanity, screaming into their cell phones over the noise of the other pedestrians, the honking of the cars and trucks, the music blasting from open department store doors.  They were such a funny sight.  All those professionals in their business suits, their freshly shined black shoes and high heels.  The light would change and at once they set out, clutching their purses or briefcases to their sides as they pushed by one another on their way to yet another intersection, where the same spectacle would occur over and over again.

            I laughed at the sight of them.  The increasing number of business people boarding the train silenced me at last.  That, and the storm that had earlier frightened my neighbors indoors was now commandeering the skies of Tokyo.  Sheets of rain passed over the skyscrapers, pulling down the grime left by pollution and taking it to the streets below, washing it down into the labyrinthine sewer system running beneath the city.

            The fog and the rain was a much nicer blanket that that of the smog that continuously poured from smokestacks during better weather.  I was happy for the storm, if only for the sake of my lungs.  Still, I could now observe very little, so I turned about in my seat and faced forward.  The train was almost bursting with passengers now; a middle-aged woman's canvas bag was projected into my face.  She looked tired, and even more annoyed, so I relinquished my seat to her.  She thanked me profusely before almost falling onto the bench.

            I smiled, a little.  It was not too much trouble to let her rest in my stead.  I reached up one arm and grabbed hold of one of the metal poles.  The train jolted into motion, and practically flew on its journey deeper and deeper into the city.  My thoughts were allowed to carry me away.

            There's this story they have in Japan.  I know it because there are alway references to it in books, movies, and even on television.  Most of the Japanese know and believe in it, although people from other countries accuse it of being a silly myth.  Still, doesn't any group have its own collection of tales in which they all believe—perhaps for the simple fact that it would be so _good_ if there the tales held some truth?  I challenge China, England, or even the United States to give up their fables before trying to take away ours.  Even on Destiny Islands we had plenty of our own mythology!

            So, back to the story.  It involves a train station and a dog.  The station is Shibuya, and the dog Hachiko.  Shibuya is a ritzy area of Tokyo often populated by wealthy Japanese youth.  Hachiko was an Akita in the 1920's.  Her master was a teacher at the Imperial University, and every evening she would go to a specific entrance of Shibuya Station to meet him.  After a while, her master died, but every day she went back to the station to wait for him.  She continued going for years until she herself passed away.  There stands, at the entrance now bearing her name, a statue of Hachiko.  It is a very popular spot to meet someone, actually.

            Realizing the train had arrived at Shibuya, I got off the train and went for the famous entrance.  I saw the statue and stood there for quite some time, reflecting on the loyalty of the dog.  Hachiko was now immortal in the hearts of all Japanese people.  Even as I lingered behind the glass doorway, I saw dozens of couples and friends meet up and depart from the place, all of them struggling to hurry while sharing umbrellas.

            "You get stood up?"

            I turned, surprised that anyone had been next to me and I hadn't noticed.  It was a girl, tall and dark, with a friendly smile on her face but something unusual in her eyes.  She looked to be only part Japanese—a "half" as pureblooded Japanese sometimes said.  Still, she was slender, graceful, beautiful.  The tight-fitting leather coat she wore betrayed her wealth.

            I had taken all this time to examine her and not a second to reply to her question.  I realized this and explained that no, I hadn't been waiting for anyone.

            "That's what they all say," she laughed.

            "No, really," I insisted, a bit offended.  "I was just bored."

            "I believe you," she told me.  The girl then crossed her arms and glared at the Hachiko statue.  "I _was_ waiting for someone."

            "Who?"

            "My b—_ex_-boyfriend.  No one breaks a date with me two times in a row."  I thought she was frighteningly angry, but after a second she just grinned and laughed it off and patted me on the back.  "The bastard.  But, you and me, bored girl.  Let's go have a fun time, huh?"

            I had nothing better to do.  "All right."

            She pointed to her face, as most Japanese girls did when talking of themselves.  In a sing-songy voice she announced herself to be "Kuroko!"

            "Kairi," I said simply, gesturing to myself in the same fashion.  As we walked, I thought about how her name meant "black child," which was somehow fitting given the look she harbored in her eyes…

            Our first order of business was to stop by a store nearby and get me into a new outfit.  I emerged from the place with a black headband holding back my shoulder-length hair, an intensely orange halter top, and a short pleated skirt of orange, red, and black.  I was wearing black high-heeled sandals on my feet and, to protect me from the rain, I had on a sweeping cape of a dark red.  Kuroko helped me do my makeup, giving me fiercely red lips and very long, dark eyelashes. Incidentally, one of Kuruko's numerous credit cards had been the means for me to receive my new ensemble, and by way of them her apparently wealthy parents.

            She herself was wearing her leather coat, still, and under it a tight-fitting pantsuit of muted green and black.  We were quite a pair as we stepped out onto the walk and headed into the glowing Shibuya district.  Night had come and the rain greatly lessened in strength.  Huge monitors on the buildings projected images of attractive young people using colognes, alcohol, and many brands of expensive clothing.  

            We walked through the streets, many young men and women approaching us to inquire who Kuroko's no friend was.  They begged us to join them in the coffee shops in which they dined, but Kuroko took me instead to an even trendier area of the district.  Neon signs buzzed ahead, enticing us to dance in the club basements, sing karaoke, drink beer and have fun.  The street here was thin, and many attractive and richly dressed individuals bumped into us, more than a few smelling strongly of alcohol.

            Kuroko seemed delighted.  I could guess she spent many of her nights this way, especially since she could name almost every person and inform me of the good and bad points of each establishment we passed.

            "Are we going to stop anywhere or just keep walking?" I wondered eventually.

            "There," she pointed, almost as though she hadn't heard me.  We were to enter a large dance club, from which blasted loud music and from which poured the mixed scents of cigarette smoke, perfume, incense, and I thought some types of strong-smelling drinks.

            Our coats were taken by a muscular attendant by the door.  The two of us descended the stairs and were immediately absorbed into the pulsing mass of Tokyo's youngest, wealthiest, and most stylish.  Each and every one of my senses was overwhelmed.  The music and the deafening hum of the contestation filled my ears, the smoky atmosphere clouded my vision.  I was moved into a bizarre dance by the throbbing of the mob, pushed against countless partners in a continuous stream of movement.

            Kuroko got me something to drink.  Without thinking, I drank it.  It burned down my throat.  The music grew louder, the smoke thicker, the scents more odious.  My arms were wrapped about the neck of a man who held me for a while and danced me across the room.  He made an attempt to kiss me.  Appalled, I slapped him away and pulled my body through the crowd to the far side of the room.  There was a doorway there.  A bit unsteady for the drink, I went through it and found a large screen on one wall.  The screen was connected to…to a giant metal platform that I recognized.

            "DDR!"

            Indeed, it was the arcade version of my favorite game.  And no one else was playing, so…

            I slipped off my sandals, put my money in the machine, and stepped onto the hard platform.  I was ready to dance.  I selected a moderately challenging song at first, since it had been a while since I had last played.

            As I moved around, the steps coming back to me, the room began to slowly fill with people.  At first it didn't affect me, but I soon found myself showing off, hopping around the pad and moving my entire body even when the arrows displayed on the screen didn't necessitate such actions.  My steps were perfectly in sync with the rhythm of the music.

            All I had to do…was let myself feel the beat of the music.  I didn't have to think about where to put my feet.  It was instinct now.  I watched the screen and my feet moved to the right places.  I swayed and jerked to the music.  I could hear people cheering.

            My last song ended.  I was ready to dismount from the platform, but the man who had been trying to lock lips with me before was suddenly right there, blocking my way.

            "Competition!" the mass shouted, raising their glasses of wine and beer.

            I grinned at my challenger as he aggressively took his place next to me.  I laughed.  I was the best.  There was no way he could beat me in anything.  Even if I _was_ slightly drunk…

            "What song?" he asked gruffly.  I knew he was checking me out.  Pervert.

            "You pick," I replied confidently.  I could do any song.  Perfectly.

            He picked a difficult song, one of the highest level.  I only smirked, shook out my arms and neck a bit, and got ready to start.

            The music was slow at first, but before I knew it the notes came closer to closer together and the arrows scrolled impossibly quickly across the screen.  _Move, feet!_ I commanded, and at last I was dancing with all my might.

            Right.  Left.  Right.  Up.  Up.  Downleftrightupjumpjumprightleftdownrightleft.

            The crowd was screaming now.  The lights were bright.  The arrows blurred in front of me.  Damn.  I missed a step.  Now another one.  Frustrated with myself, I pushed my legs more, forcing myself to twist and turn around the stage with a lot more flare that was required.  Some people in the audience begged for more.  Others accused me of showing off.

            I was showing off, but why not?  I had a lot to show.  I was the best.

            One, two, three, four.  I counted the beats in my head, swinging my arms from right to left.  Everyone was screaming now.  I loved it, absolutely loved it.  I was the best.  And now they all knew it.

            The song ended.  I had beaten the pants off my competitor, who insisted on a re-match.  I did even better this time, up until the very last bit.  The alcohol was really taking its hold on my brain by that point.

            One—three—four—one—two…!  No, that wasn't quite right.

            Up—left—right—down—down—jump!  Jump!

            I only had to hold on for a few more seconds.  I had to overcome the overwhelming temptation just to tip over, drunk and weak.  But I couldn't.  I had to show them all how great I was.  The Keyblade had chosen _me_.  No one could best me in anything.

            I stomped the last steps with the last of my dwindling energy, and managed a nearly perfect score.  To the disappointment of the crowd, I pushed my way through them in order to leave the club.  I stumbled around until I finally got hold of my cloak again, which I draped over myself before stepping out into the rain.

            It was cold and refreshing, instantly soaking me.  I felt more awake, which was quite nice, actually.  The club had been dark and bright all at once, had been so clogged with people I had been more than touched with the affects of claustrophobia.  I could _breathe_ outside.

            It was nice.

            But then there was a hand on my shoulder.  I looked around, saw I had come to a back alley of sorts.  The hand belonged to that stupid guy who had tried to kiss me and who couldn't dance.  I glared daggers at him.

            At first he seemed startled, but he leaned in and tried for a repeat of his first assault.

            "Asshole."  I summoned the Keyblade and clubbed him over the head.

*

            Sometime later, sometime deep into the night, Kuroko was by my side again.  This time she took me to a karaoke bar.  A few of her friends were in our booth too, but they weren't as drunk as the people had been at the club.  I was just about sobered up myself, so I was able to think as well as could be expected, read the lyrics that were projected on the screen.

            I stretched out on a couch as some of the other girls sang, drinking an orange flavored pop like me and Riku had gotten that time from the vending machines at the school.  I ate _norimaki_, delicious rice crackers wrapped in dry seaweed.  Lounging and snacking was all good, but Kuroko eventually forced me to stand up at the microphone.

            She had sung beautifully, so I felt a little embarrassed to follow her.  Still, I was forced to select a song, and I did my best to do justice to the original.

            Before the next sunrise, I found myself face down in Tokyo Bay.  That was just as the "Earthquake of the Millenium" rocked the greatest city on the face of the planet.

***


	21. Imaginary

*

_            The final battle is close at hand._

_            Those who are left behind will stay that way._

_            Come with me, or all shall be lost._

*

            Everybody was crying.  Screams filled the air.  I was crying too, screaming just as loud.

            Later—no, before, a few hours before—I was in the small room with Kuroko and her friends.  Blushing, I stepped up in front of the screen.  The karaoke microphone wobbled in my hand until I grasped it as tightly as I could, almost crushing it.  The song came up, an American one by a group called Evanescence.  They had all sorts of music at this place.  I found I could sing the English pretty well, although the Japanese accent made my l's come out like r's and vice versa.

            Kuroko picked out the song for me.  The introduction was pretty, the notes beautiful and yet slightly chaotic.  In the background, the female vocalist sang two words:  "Paper flowers."  And then it was my turn to come in as the lead.  My voice wavered at first, but I became strangely impassioned and started belting the song out in a harmonious, emotional display.

_"I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name_

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story…_

            Later I wound up in Yokohama at a small bayside park.  It was night, the very dead of it, and the few couples that had lingered on the benches were now walking hand in hand through the grass and around the statue back toward the ritzy hotel towering brightly across the road.

            I walked with my hands clasped behind my back, wordlessly taking in the sights.  Kuroko and her friends had been headed for another club and then a final party at the hotel behind me, but I had declined, preferring thoughtful solitude to their inside jokes and roaring laughter.  I approached the metal rail that separated the concrete walk from the drop off into the ocean's foreboding waters, leaning against it, the cold rod pressing into my collarbone.  There was a large ship docked in the water to my right, its lights reflecting brilliantly off the obsidian surface of Tokyo Bay.

            I took a quick look around.  There was no one left, save a guitarist quickly retreating with his case.  His windbreaker dragged on the ground behind him, the pockets jingling.  It was his earnings for the night, the yen thrown at him in appreciation of his musical services.  I watched him leave not without regret; it would have been nice to hear a clear voice cut through the chilled night air.

            I climbed up on the rail, struggling for several moments before achieving balance.  I laughed when I finally could do it, even kicked the air in amusement.  My thong sandals went flying from my feet, bouncing along the sidewalk until skittering to a rest in the dew-damp grass.

            If the guitarist had departed, I decided, then there was no reason for the air to be free of music.  I smiled before opening my lips and preparing to continue the song I had begun at the karaoke bar.  Already it was stuck in my head, its eerie melody pulsing through my brain and body as naturally and as regularly as the blood that kept me alive.

_"In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me…_

            As my lips formed the words of the last line, I leaned backward to see the night sky with its pinpricks of stars glistening through the layers of pollution.  It was too far backward, unfortunately.  I went plunging into the Pacific Ocean without so much as a scream.

            Not that anyone was around to hear me, anyway.

            I was walking from the hotel to the deserted park.  It was a night in a big city and yet I didn't feel afraid.  Why should a Keyblade master fear anything?  I touched my unfolded hand to my chest, a little assurance that I could summon the weapon in case anything happened.  Not that it would—who on Earth would be stupid enough to attack _me_?

            Yet there was someone…someone up ahead, a shadowy figure I could barely make out through the mist.  The thing was there _wasn't_ any mist—except for right in front of where the tall man stood.

            He seemed to turn towards me, the hood of his silver coat falling from his head to reveal white hair clipped severely at his chin.  His eyes followed a circular path as his head glided across his shoulders.  His two dark irises fixed determinedly on me, and his long, flat mouth curved into a smile.

           "Hey!" I called out, beginning to feel annoyed.  This man of at least twice my age making a face at a young girl like that!  My palm returned to my heart again.  I felt a faint beating that gave me the courage to continue.

            His smile only grew larger.

            "Hey!" I screeched, crossing the street without looking.  A yellow-white glare exploded at my right.  A car was braking right in front of me, its horn blaring.  I stared at the driver indignantly before marching my way across the rest of the road.

            The man I had been following had disappeared, and the mist that had enshrouded him was quickly dissipating.  I stopped where I was, my hands planting themselves on my bony hips.  Where was that idiot, that lecherous man who had deemed it appropriate to ogle someone like me?

            "Looking for someone?"

            I turned.  The black window of a limousine was rolling mechanically down to reveal the face of the man with the short white hair and the mischievous smile.  Then the light changed and the long white car sped away down the street, turning at the following corner and heading down a mist-filled lane.

            I backed up a little, unsure of myself.  I clutched at my heart desperately, using both hands to tug at the fabric of my shirt.  Why was the beating within my chest so soft and quiet?  What was happening to me?  Was this a dream, or a waking nightmare?

            "Don't worry.  It's almost time."

            The voice was right behind me now.  I felt someone's breath on my neck.  I shut my eyes, praying with all my might to awaken.  For someone to call out to me, grab my shoulders and shake me from this cursed sleep.  For someone like Sora to be there to tell me it was nothing.  _Sora_…

            "He is ready.  Are you?"

            I gulped.  I could hear footsteps, the sound of his black boots slipping in the wet grass.  My eyelids would not be squeezed any tighter.  I let them open slowly, let the world come back into my vision one line at a time.

            The man's face was near mine.  He was crouching on the ground, his cloak spreading about him in the dewy grass.  His pale face looked into mine, smiling with what I suddenly realized was a fatherly brand of concern.

            Scared at my own reaction to his expression, I continued to back up.  He was behind me all of a sudden, his arm resting on my shoulders.

            _Who is he?_ I wondered futilely, trying to shut out the image of him from my mind.  Why did his eyes, the bridge of his nose…  Why did he remind me so of the reflection I saw every morning in the bathroom mirror?

            "Let go of me," I demanded, trying to force the fear out of my voice by replacing it with anger.  My body shook though, and, since he was holding me, I'm sure he felt it.  "I'm warning you," I tried, holding myself firm.  "You'll be sorry.  I have a weapon and I know how to use it."

            "I know you have a weapon.  I helped you to get it."

            All at once I knew why his voice sounded so familiar.  Tears burst from my eyes, although I wasn't sure why.  I was too shocked for any coherent thoughts to surface.  _Let it all be a dream…this is too big for me to handle…_

            "At last we meet, Kairi.  I doubt you remember me, for you left home when you were but a little girl."

            "My home is Destiny Islands!" I screamed suddenly, breaking away from him.  I didn't remember anything about that other place, did I?  Not those faint dreams, those fragments of memories that came back once in a while…  An old woman telling me stories, two men throwing me into the air playfully…  The servants washing my hair and sewing my dresses…

            "You denounce your own land, Princess?"

            My hands flew to the sides of my head.  "The only land I have is Destiny Islands.  Leave me alone!"

            "You forget your family?"

            "Who are you?  Get away from me!" I added right away, suddenly not wanting an answer to my question.

            He was kneeling on the ground again, the knees of his white suit pants acquiring further stains from the grass.  "Calm down.  I will explain everything, Kairi.  So will you be quiet and listen?"

            I took my hands from my ears and my arms descended limply to my sides.  I sniffled a little, making a few small steps to keep a good distance between myself and the man down before me.

            "You know of Hollow Bastion, do you not?"

            "I know it."

            "You were there.  You were the final Princess of Heart."

            "I know that.  That's where I woke up, after…"

            "And it didn't seem familiar to you, not at all?"

            "Well…"  I couldn't lie.  The place had seemed so special to me then, but I had had other matters to concern myself with—Sora's well-being above all.

            "You didn't remember it was yours—it was all yours?"

            "What do you mean?  You mean that is where I came from?"

            "Where you came from?"  He laughed again, his smile not seeming as eerie as before.  Yet I was still uncomfortable.  The man spoke again, the grin not ceasing to dominate his face.  "You are not merely a citizen of Hollow Bastion, but the daughter of its great ruler, Lord Ansem!"

            In my mind I was singing, trying to drown out what he was telling me.  This ugly pronouncement he would have me believe as truth.

_"Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos - your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge   
The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

            "Ansem?  No way!"  Animosity swelled within me.  "You're making this up!  Ansem was evil!  He tried to kill Sora—he took Sora away!"

            Again the man laughed.  "Your mind is still too closed to understand everything, your experiences too shallow.  I realize that.  Please trust me, though, as your uncle."

            It was easier to believe this man to be my uncle than that evil ruler Ansem my _father_.  I gulped before nodding at his words.  The ramifications of this acceptance hit me slowly but surely.  I had _family_, living flesh and blood tied to me…!  My lifelong desire for that kind of link was finally fulfilled.  I collapsed, my bare knees pressing into the wet grass.  My uncle's arms fell upon me gently, holding me against him.

            "My name is Salem.  Ansem was my brother, and your father.  I know you don't want to believe it, but you must, and soon.  I have been working on his legacy, of which you are the greatest part."

            "Because I have the Keyblade?"

            "Yes, we have the Keyblade.  That—besides you—is our greatest asset."

            "And Sora…what about Sora?"

            "He is also important.  Come, Kairi," Salem said, and he helped me to stand.  We walked together to the water.  A hazy mist rose from its black surface, covering our feet.

            We went to the spot where I had fallen in.  I saw the weirdest thing:  myself.  I was toppling backward, a hazy outline of Kairi breaking through the water in a shower of blue-green sparks.

            "Look," Salem commanded when I abruptly turned my face from the bizarre sight.  His voice was gentle but forceful.

            I held his hand as I peered timidly over the edge.  The me I saw was wearing the long white dress from my dreams, the skirt of which spread out almost like wings.  She mouthed something before fading from sight.

            Had I been cleverer, and better skilled at reading lips, I would have seen her warning.  "Save me, Kairi," she whispered as she plunged into the black ocean.  "Before it's too late."

            The world faded.  The Kairi I saw became the Kairi I was.  And she sang.

_"In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me…_

            I emerged from the surface of Tokyo Bay, struggling with all my might.  Great waves were surging behind me, thundering in from the great Pacific.  The land beneath the bay shook too.  I dared to look down and saw cracks in the ocean floor, a fiercely bright light erupting from the lines where the earth was cracking.

            I let out a scream and made to swim for shore.  Only things on land weren't going much better.  The great skyscrapers were screeching, collapsing in on themselves in great crashes of debris.  I could hear all the people screaming even from the middle of the bay.  As the swelling of the ocean brought me closer to land, I saw that not only was Tokyo being shaken at its foundations, but from every splintered building poured all brands of Heartless.

            The city was under siege.

            As I floated there helplessly, I was witness more deaths than I could possibly fathom.  As each skyscraper, apartment building, overpass—they all cracked and crashed downward in magnificently horrifying displays—as each fell, people were being crushed beneath the concrete that had once made their structures seem strong.  Those who were not so mercifully killed had their hearts harvested by the roaming monsters known as Heartless.

            My own cries joined the choruses rising in the smoke-filled air.  Everything was crumbling, and the remains were exploding into flame.  On my knees I crawled, searching in vain for some sort of refuge—any bit of peace in the Hell that exploded around me.

            A large winged Heartless I had never seen before descended upon me.  I rolled to one side and summoned the Keyblade to my hand, breathing hard.  I tasted dirt, the same filth that stuck to my skin and the white fabric of the soaked dress I wore.  

            The two of us struggled for some time, claws digging into my skin and making me bleed.  Long lines of red ran down my once elegant white gown.  I managed to stand.  The thing dragged behind me, ripping in places.  My appearance was second, however, to my own survival.  I plunged in until I had destroyed the Heartless, a member of the army that was destroying my second home of Japan.

            And yet suddenly I remembered that I had had a first home of Hollow Bastion, that Ansem was supposed to be my father and Salem my uncle.  Sora fit into this somehow; he and I were great pieces of some puzzle Salem was eagerly fitting together.

            I fell to my knees, crying into my bloodstained hands.  I could not raise my head and observe the ruin that was taking place all around me.  Hearing it was bad enough.  Thinking that everyone I cared about in Japan could be dying or already dead…  Knowing no one would be left to take care of me…

            Yes, that was quite enough.

            I descended farther, my side slamming against the ground.  I curled up in a ball, my hair and clothes clumping with water, sand, and blood.  I did not care.  I only sobbed.  The Keyblade was at my side, but I found I was still alone.  Everything was falling apart around me.

_"Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
The goddess of imaginary light…"_


	22. Strength

*

_            That hidden strength…_

_            That remaining piece of me…_

_            It is the only weapon left._

*

            The sun rose slowly over the ruins of the city.  Large pieces of debris were buoyed up by the churning ocean water before being dragged this way and that across the bay.  Above the sky were growing dark, large clouds moving in to dominate the scene.  It began to pour, the rain frozen into miniature frozen missile that assaulted the already scarred earth.

            I watched this all unfold.  My mood was nonexistent; I felt nothing.  I only perceived.  I was too drained by the excruciating torture created by the wounds crisscrossing my body.

            I had several large bruises on my arms and legs, and there was a large gash cutting down from the top of my forehead around to my right ear and plunging down into my neck, where a bit of the white fabric from my dress remained.  The cuts had ceased in their once fervent efforts to empty me of blood, and now thick, ugly scabs had formed over them—chunks of dried flesh along the backs of my hands and on my face and neck.

            My ears, hidden somewhat between a tangled mesh of filthy red hair, were functioning perfectly.  They filled periodically with the screams and cries of the assaulted city.

            So, a lot of people were still alive…

            I rolled over onto my stomach, a painful and time consuming feat, and began to crawl farther up the shore.  The rain was dense before me, a cloud of tiny icicles trying to completely obscure my vision and almost succeeding.  I persevered long enough to witness a small child being chased by a plain Shadow, the most basic and weakest breed of Heartless.  The boy was crying loudly as he tripped over large slices of graffiti-covered concrete and hopped over broken dressers and what must have been the remnants of a luxury bathroom.

            _Why is this happening?_ I thought, using my forearms to pull me along the earth.  _Why Tokyo?  Why all these people?_

            I got it in my head that I should do something.  Only I had forgotten the Keyblade, and had to waste the time of crawling back to retrieve it.  By the time I reached the spot, the child was gone and the Shadow was left turning about in circles out of evident frustration.

            If the boy was safe, I cared little to expend the energy necessary to destroy the Heartless.  Killing one Shadow would make no difference anyway, not in the grand scheme of the attack.  If there was no immediate threat, I figured I could retreat to some shelter somewhere.  I could have done without the freezing rain stinging my wounds.      I had not the strength to search for the desired sanctuary, however.  I turned on my back (the least painful position I could manage) and stared up at the sky that sent down its small frozen weapons in an attempt to slowly destroy me.  Why shouldn't there be freezing rain, anyway?  Why should the weather behave as it was supposed to when every other element of my life had descended swiftly and surely into chaos?

            Everything had climaxed—the Heartless attacks, the bizarre weather, my loss of grip on reality.  If I was aware of one thing, it was that truly I understood nothing of what was occurring.  I did not fathom the meaning behind it all nor grasped the extent of the happenings themselves.

            I did not feel like Kairi anymore.  I did not feel like anyone.  So many events had passed me in a fast-forwarded blur—leaving Riku, going into the city, finding Kuroko, the club, the karaoke—and now time insisted upon crawling along as if in slow motion.  It was all too much for me.

            Was Salem really my uncle?  What were his intentions, exactly, concerning Ansem's "legacy?"  Why was I a key player?  What side was I supposed to be on?  I wanted to be on Sora's side—but which one was that?  Why were we all in Japan?  Why not some other country on Earth, or why not another planet entirely?  What had happened to Aiko?  Why did she and her father die so that Sakura could after look me?

            I was soaked, now, the little fabric on me being stuck tightly to my injured skin.  I took one arm and lifted it slowly, letting the fingers settle over my eyes so that I would not have to endure the cold raindrops penetrating my eyelids.

            My breathing was heavy.  I would not have been surprised to discover a rib had cracked and blood pooled in the cage with my lungs; the area hurt enough for such a thing to be true.

            One thing was for certain, though.  I was tired, incredibly and inescapably tired.  Consciousness left me not like the slow, drifting descent of sleep, but much more like the sudden snap out of awareness that was fainting.

*

            "Suzumi-san?" 

_            "Hm?  What is it?"_

_            I turned my head to see a fellow classmate of mine smiling shyly at me through a sparse veil of long black hair.  She pulled these rebellious strands back, revealing a friendly, rounded face.  I could identify her as a classmate by her sunset red skirt and white collared shirt.  She was very pretty, I noticed._

_            "Call me Kairi already," I laughed, ushering her over with an inviting wave of my hand.  We sat down together at the brown wooden table in the back of the classroom, which was empty.  All the desks stood sturdily in straight, measured rows, a chair turned upside down and stacked upon one each one.  The boards were wiped clean, the floors swept, the windows washed, the trash taken out._

_            "Then you have to call me Aiko," she said in a sing-songy voice._

_            "You said you needed help?"_

_            "Mmhm."  She pulled out her math workbook and opened it to that day's assignment.  "Number 24…I still don't understand it…"_

_            I smiled, reaching into my black book bag for my own workbook.  I used my pencil and went down the lines of the solution with her, explaining each step.  "You know how to isolate the variable, right?"_

_            "Yes…I did all that…"_

_            "Then the quadratic formula?"_

_            "Yes…"_

_            I found an error in her arithmetic and pointed it out.  "That's all.  You took two times eight instead of times six—looks like you smudged it in the previous line and couldn't read it right.  Otherwise, everything is good."_

_            "Oh, thank you so much!"  She erased her mistake and fixed it, writing the correct answer proudly in the line provided.  "I'm so happy.  I always make little mistakes and they mess me up."_

_            "Me too."_

_            We packed up our things and closed up the room.  As we switched from our indoor shoes to our outdoor ones at the school entrance, Aiko and I chatted happily.  We fastened up our jackets and went out into the dimming world of the outdoors._

_            "I'm so glad spring is coming," Aiko said._

_            "Yeah," I replied somewhat wistfully._

_            "Where's your house?"_

_            "I go the same way home as you."_

_            In the back of my mind, I wondered why we had never been friends before.  She was so kind and happy.  Aiko was the type of person everyone around her could not help but love.  There was something in her aura that drew me to her instantly, and I felt that everyone in her life must have felt the same way._

_            "Want to get some ice cream?  I'll treat!"_

_            "Sure!"_

_            It was not so cold.  I unbuttoned the front of my jacket as we took at turn toward the convenience store.  The sky was very pretty, a few clouds drifting downward to lie upon the coming sunset like frosting upon a cake._

_            Aiko reached out suddenly, looping her arm through mine so we locked elbows.  The two of us laughed, a pair of girlfriends in on our own unspoken, unidentifiable joke.  It was fun to act like this, to just be a silly teenage girl._

_            At the _konbini_, we picked out frozen treats and giggled over funny pictures in a fashion magazine and some of the latest manga._

_            "This series is so cute!"_

_            "That's a naughty picture!  Don't look at that manga!"_

_            "Don't let anyone see you talking about that one!"_

_            "I like his hair—except it's green…"_

_            "But it seems so _natural_!"_

            Aiko paid for our desserts.  Outside, we resumed our locked elbows as we unwrapped and munched the ice cream cones we'd picked out.  Mine had a lot of chocolate syrup and nuts stuck in it, which I bit off and chewed happily.

_            "You should come over to my house," I suggested.  "It's right there."  I pointed at the floor where I lived._

_            "I live there too," Aiko said._

_            She said it so naturally that I didn't think it was strange when we entered the apartment together, took off our identical shoes, hung our identical jackets, and announced in unison, "I'm home now!"_

_            "Mom's still at work," I said._

_           "Yes, she is," Aiko said, looking around.  She went to the trashcan under the sink and threw away her wrapper from the ice cream.  I did the same._

_            "Wanna do homework?"_

_            "Nah," she said.  "Not right now."_

_            "Me neither."_

_            "Later."_

_            "Yeah."_

_            We went and listened to Utada Hikaru music for a while, singing along together._

_            "Why's this one in English?"_

_            "I dunno.  It's the English version of 'Hikari,' though, and I love that song."_

_            "Me too.  Utada Hikaru's the best."_

_            Aiko suddenly stood and walked to the window, pulling aside the curtain.  The evening's long rays of sun spread evenly over her body, highlighting the lines of her beautiful face, made her long black hair sparkle.  She seemed to be looking very far out—not just at the buildings, but at the sunset.  Perhaps past the sunset._

_            "You ever wonder about things?" she asked, her eyes failing to cease seeming so distant._

_            "Like what?"_

_            "Like…why things are the way they are?  Why the world is like it is, and not like something else?  Why you are who you are…?"_

_            "Yeah, sure I do," I replied, looking at her face and her glistening obsidian eyes.  "I wonder about that.  Why people are born only to suffer so much during their lives and then die."_

            "You can't worry about the suffering," Aiko said.  "You can't think you were born just to die.  You were born to live.  When you are done living, you will go to Heaven and your soul shall dwell there forever."

_            "I don't know about that," I said.  "What if you just die?"_

_            "If you die and just die, or if you die and go to Heaven…"  She blinked slowly.  I noticed suddenly that a brilliant silver cross sparkled from a chain circling her neck.  A cross I somehow recognized.  Meanwhile, Aiko continued.  "Either way, there is no reason not to enjoy life while you can.  Everyone should get a chance to be happy, right?  Even for a short time…"_

_            "Why do so many things happen that we don't want to happen, then?  Why do all these bad things happen and I have no control?"_

_            Aiko turned to me then, a very slow and graceful movement.  She took my hands and sandwiched them between her own.  "Your fate is your own, Kairi.  You are no one's pawn if you do not wish to be.  If you cannot believe in God and the power he has given you, then believe in your own strength as a human being."_

_            "I'm…I'm not strong…"  I backed up.  I had felt like my old self for so long, and now I could feel that Kairi slipping quickly away.  I remembered where I was supposed to be and who I was supposed to be with.  I looked up and saw the world disintegrating around us, the furniture and walls and floors melting from existence.  Aiko, too, was fading like a dream…_

            "Aiko!" I cried, stepping toward her and trying to grasp her hands again.  She was like the last bit of myself…my attachment to her was the last remaining piece of the old me…

_            And yet her image crumbled.  I could see the destruction of Tokyo through her translucent body.  She spoke once more, her voice faint and yet coming to me from all directions._

_            "It's not too late, Kairi, not yet.  I believe in you."_


End file.
